Some time ago, Migor was sitting upon the bridge of his mighty spaceship thinking mighty thoughts.
He did look down upon the Internet, son of the typewriter, daughter of Zigor, the 5th son of Migor, and he did ponder and then he spoke:
Behold this Internet, which is not good. It does not have character, it does not have class. It does not have style. It is bad.
And Migor then went to his laboratory for 7 days and he did unleash upon the Internet the troll. The following is a translation of the ancient texts of those days.
On the first day, Migor created the Anonymous Coward. And he said 'Go forth Anonymous Coward and post, for you are the salt of the land. And he saw that it was not quite good.
On the second day, Migor created the First Post troll. He breathed life into the troll and said 'You are the first poster. From this day forward you shall wander the message boards trying to be the first to post, and you shall tell all that you are the first and not the second by proudly saying 'First Post'. You may not always be the first poster, and when you are, nobody but Me who is Migor will care'. These were Migor's Chosen people, but they became lazy and listless. They would say 'FP' instead of 'First Post' as was the word of Migor, and fell out of favor with Migor. Migor did dang them to heck.
On the Third day, Migor did get drunk. He passed out in the hot son and did not awaken until the next day.
On the forth day Migor did create the Goat Sea troll. He said 'Go forth, Goat Sea troll, and tell the Internet users of planet Earth about the great Goat Sea found on Tarvon Prime. The Goat Sea is considered the most beautiful body of water in the universe, and it is known that drinking its water can give wisdom and knowledge.
Migor gave his instructions and then he rested on his couch and watched 'Turk 182' on HBO. His followers were deceived by a man who is the commander of Mexican food. He came to Migor's people while Migor was watching television and had them build a giant man with a giant poop hole out of gold and told Migor's people to worship it. The Commander of Mexican food did not praise Migor, he did confuse those into worship of the Goatse man.
This angered Migor, and he spoke thusly: From this day forward, those who follow the Goatse and do not praise the Goat Sea shall be Marked, and on the day of conclusion Migor will look for that mark, and shall give all who worship the Goatse man a very large poop hole.
On the fifth day, Migor did dock his mighty spaceship at an Intergalactic truck stop. While it was being filled with Space fuel, Migor did use the bathroom and upon the bathroom walls he did see naughty pictures and vulgar sayings. And he did say 'From today and then always, the confused people who write naughty things on bathroom walls shall be banished forever from the public restroom, and he shall be doomed to the Internet.
And on that day, Migor did create the annoying dirty word troll.
On the sixth day Migor did read an article by Jon Katz, and he was angry at the stupidity in his babbling. Migor did not have the time to comment, so he created the critical troll. 'Go and be critical of the editors today and from here on out.' And it was SO then that the critical troll was created.
On the seventh day, Migor had fluid drained from his bum knee.