snjoseph's Journal: Refluxed!

I usually don't like college football--it's more efficient to simply convert NFL to NCAA by halving the speed and quadrupling the score--but the Orange Bowl was pretty nifty this year. First of all, USC pounded OU, which was nice. Secondly, and perhaps with more universal appeal, "singer" Ashlee Simpson was booed off the stage at the halftime show. Awesome. A Google News search for "ashlee simpson booed" turns up 251 links as of this writing, with several international outlets picking up the story. Rationally speaking, this kind of debacle should kill a career, but our beloved country has a way of elevating the universally despised to the commanding peaks of society.

With no particular talent for music and no dancing skills to excuse the lip-synching, poor Ashlee is stuck between the Scylla and Charybdis of pop superstardom. To my mind, there is only one possible salvation: rap. This has always been the genre of last resort for has-beens from Steve Urkel to Vanilla Ice. I would suggest that Ashlee use her music to educate and inform the public about acid reflux disease (ie, gastroesophageal reflux disease or GERD), to which her Saturday Night Live snafu has been accredited by polite convention. I offer the following as a token of my esteem for Ms. Simpson:

Go rock with me, you deservin' the best
Take a purple pill to stop the burn in your chest
They call me Ashlee
Pumpin' GERD in the truck
Funny how the acid starts to reflux.

Acid pain is serious shit
Make a Pavarotti have to sync to the lip
The name is A-Simp
And I bomb every track
Nexium OTC, now how heavy is that?

word

[js7a]

When was the last time a singer became famous for a song, and not a corporate marketing campaign?