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Journal bluefairee's Journal: home for sure :) 8

so here i am a little more then 24hrs after moving all my "shit" in. it's been quite a crazy day...emotionally. dave has been a god send. i know focusing on the past doesn't do too much good unless i'm learning something from it, but today has just been one of those days.

everything seems to be happening so fast. nothing seems real. actually two things do. that i am loved and that i'm home.

reading dave's journal about what i had planned out seems crazy to me right now. i can't imagine that it was really that bad, but i know it was. knowing i'll be on meds. for the rest of my life doesn't seem so bad anymore. dave makes it sound so easy. almost everyone takes meds. for something or other. i will learn to live with this. i can honestly say this has been the happiest day of my life.

most people don't get a second chance. a chance to truely start over. i am one of the lucky. i'm even luckier because i've got so many people out there whom i don't even really know that actually give a damn about what happens to me.

i am going to spend the next couple of weeks just to chill out and get used to this "second life". i want to go to work so badly and be able to pay for what dave has given me, but i know deep down that no amount of money can do that. i think for him, just living and taking care of myself (taking my meds.) is all he wants.

today we started to plan out how to turn his office room into a bedroom for me. that was fun and weird at the same time. i feel safe here and at home. most of all i know i'm wanted and loved very much. feeling that today has made accepting his help sooooooooooo much easier. i don't know how long i'll be here, but i know i won't be going anywhere until we are BOTH sure i'm ready and able to go.

thanks again for all your words of encouragement. it means a lot to me AND it helps:)

thanks a bunch guys! till next time....


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home for sure :)

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  • Blue... you know what you describe, the having the the feeling that things aren't quite "real" and that things seem to move really fast... I can completely understand that.

    When tracy left (after 10 years)... I felt just like that... I kept telling myself "this isn't real, what the hell am I doing? How did i get here???" My mind was raging the entire time, it was a cross between absolute dispair, panic and fear with a mix of exhaustion.

    I remember, it was the day after she left, and I'm sitting on an airpla
  • Sulfasalazine here, for the past 10 years, off and on. It's an anti-inflammatory for my colitis. Don't love it, but it does help.

    Glad you've turned the corner a bit. Back when I had my first panic attack, I described it that I peeked around the corner and saw what madness was like. I pulled back pretty quickly and helped myself stop having panic attacks, but I knew right then that I had to stop some of what I was doing (illegal drugs). I basically stopped all of what I was doing - red meat, alcohol, recre

  • glad that you're back. *hugs*. Take care of yourself :-)
  • My grandmother has diabetes. She takes a shot of insulin every day. She's done it for as long as I can remember. She doesn't even think about it anymore, she just knows when it's time and she'll walk over and get the shot and stick herself and go back to what she was doing.

    I can't wait to get down to Austin to meet you and Dave.

  • That you're feeling at home. And loved. That's very important. On the medication front, it's no different from someone who takes medicine for chronic allergies. Or for any of a number of things.

    Take good care of yourself while you're getting adjusted.
  • I know several people who have to take meds for the rest of their lives - myself included. At present I am taking two 30mg Losec tablets daily (for which I need a goverment approvalz) and although the dosage may be descreased (not likely in the short term) or changed to another drug (Losec may not be available for much longer) I will be taking something every day for my stomach issues.

    In the past, after sufferng bouts of depression, I have been on anti-deps. I never used to like taking anything unless thin
  • i'm glad you've developed a sense of belonging and that you've realized that you are indeed loved. you really do have a chance to start over now. enjoy it.
  • .. you know you want to :)

Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it. -- William Buckley