SarahAnnAlien's Journal: An Alien Fights A Bug

I've missed work for the last two days in a row. I'm not sure why.

I feel like I have a virus, and I started feeling yucky after being exposed to someone who was out sick for several days. That was last week, and I think I've been fighting that bug ever since. I've been tired and achey. My throat has been sore, and I've been sleeping a lot. Just like a perfectly ordinary virus.

On the other hand...

Mom died five years ago today.

I'm still struggling with that. How do I feel about it? How should I feel about it? Part of me feels guilty that I'm not more upset. Another part of me feels a certain amount of relief that she's gone. She would not have dealt well with an alien daughter. There's only a very tiny piece of me that wishes she were still here. I feel guilty that piece is so small.

And then there's Dad.

Dad knows his daughter is an alien. He says he still loves me.

He recently returned from a big, exciting vacation. I knew when he would be back, and when the day arrived, I waited for him to call to tell me about the trip. Waited. And waited. And waited.

He finally called a week after his return: Yes, we had a good time, yes, everything was fun.

Just a few years ago, I would have gotten a call within a few minutes of arrival: hi, we just got back, we're really tired, we'll tell you all the details later.

I could have called him myself, but waiting for the call was one way to measure the distance that is slowly growing between us.

I'm not sure what, if anything, to do about this.

Part of me longs to tell him how much his little girl needs him right now. But another part fears rejection, whether it is abrupt or drawn out over several years. And this is as good a time as any to start learning to... cope.

So, why have I been out sick? I don't know. I hope it's just a virus.