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Journal The Michele's Journal: I have been a bad Slashdot Journaller 8

There are many excuses for my lack of entries. Yes, I am going to tell you some of them. Tough.
The overwhelming issue is my bought with depression. Yes kiddos, this sucks. This isn't as simply as "I am a big fat dodo head, someone shoot me and put me out of my misery", some of it is just plain lethargy and lack of a desire to do anything. Really. Even moving to the bed to sleep is an effort. Swallowing my daily pills is like climbing Mt. Everest. I think this is how one can really tell the difference between situational depression or "being sad" and full blown, biochemical, omg get the jacket depression. If breathing wasn't automatic, I would stop doing it. It is ebbing a touch, so I am here, using some energy to update. Bask in the glory. *wink*
During this lovely time, my eldest daughter is fighting the Realm of Darkness that is the Public School System, and is doing so poorly. Got herself suspended for being Disruptive and Defiant. Momma had to yell. She deserved her suspension, and she knows it. I made her apologize, after understanding that the way she dealt with it sucked ass and they deserved and apology for that. On the other hand, they are NOT treating her properly; they are not allowing her to work with the confines of her limitations, nor allowing her to explore the outside of the box they have put her in. Contradictory? Maybe. They want to reshape her into something she isn't, and she is fighting for her being, her self. As long as my heart keeps beating, I am on her side, and will drag my ass to that school and fight for her.
The little one hates her teacher. In her case though, there is nothing I can point to to say "hey you, stop it". The woman is simply a grumpy bitch who shouldn't be teaching. I told her that she couldn't "make" her teacher "like" her, and that it had NOTHING to do with her, that this woman was simply miserable, and that she wasn't the cause. If she wished to try to help her teacher feel better, that was sweet, but to not take it personally if things didn't go as planned. Basically, it isn't her fault, and it isn't her JOB to make this woman happy. Behave, do your work, enjoy your peers, take care of you. Sad I have to teach a 7 year old that so early in life.
My Therapist is leaving me on December 17th. That is quite the blow. I don't know if I will find a decent one to take her place. She gave me names, but I don't feel confident that they will stick. Going in to Cambridge or Arlington isn't ringing my bell right now.
There are also marital issues and money issues that I probably shouldn't go into here. Suffice it to say, they are really overwhelming.
Oh, did I mention my mother is back, to stay? **bangs head against stone wall** Yes, there is a VERY long story there, but if you made it this far, I will spare you the details of that drama.

I am finally reading "Reviving Ophelia". It is a good read, and I am almost finished with it. Will review it when I am finished. I also read "Trapped in the mirror" which I will attempt to review sometime. It might be a while though, since I borrowed the book from my therapist, so I don't have the book on hand to reference. Anyway, that is it. I just wanted to send in the update, since I have been so neglectful.

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I have been a bad Slashdot Journaller

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  • give me a call! i may not be able to fix anything, but i'm yer neighbour and can lend an ear and watch the girls a night or two if need be so you can just have some rest. Yes, it's reasonable to get a babysitter while you're in the next room and it's not going to kill me for one night a month, y'know?

    i had no idea c. was having troubles, and i don't know how to help, but the offer is there.

    if i can help AT ALL, let me know, oke? i've got half an oar and you've got half an oar, and if we can't paddle ups

      • a kvitch is a little scream, like when you cut your finger or spot a friend you haven't seen in years. A kvetch is more drawn out, a sob or whine or complaint, as when someone does somthing wrong or you're in a funeral procession or your aunt sees a spot on your lapel. Note that the verb is also the noun- you let out a kvetch or you ARE one, especially if you don't stop for breath. A kretchz is more graphic, a cough or wheeze or complaint, oh my aching everything, ouch my liver, or the agony, the agony...m
    • I love you dear one. :) The kids are so good to me, really. I am incredibly blessed by them, and they seem to know when the mom needs to decompress. I would still love to have you over some time soon!
      C mostly needs our support, and nudging in the right direction as to how to get her point across without being "defiant" as they have labelled her. I hate when they do that. I am seriously considering finding a way to work (somehow) so that I can afford a homeschool curriculumn for her high school years if we c
  • Public school, in general, is very hit-and-miss. My daughters had some great experiences, and some very poor ones. And we're in a relatively good district. When I'm feeling really cynical, I think that the most successful function of a school is to teach kids to deal with bureaucracies and the negative aspects of society. Nothing like being prepared. Seven isn't too early to learn that there are some thing that you can't change, and just have to make the best of, though.

    Reviving Ophelia is a very
    • Thanks for being so supportive! :) We are all just taking it one step at a time and hoping that mommy doesn't freak out too much at the school. *wink*
      I have two candidates for Therapist, and I am not likely to find any more. The issue is my insurance which is pretty terrific, but long term type care tends to fill up pretty fast, so it is hard to get in with "good" doctors and professionals.
  • know that you have happy thoughts coming your way. Sounds like you're WAY overdue for some good karma. ;)

"Wish not to seem, but to be, the best." -- Aeschylus