bluefairee's Journal: well shit.

i just want to puke right now.

i just got a call that my grandfather died on thursday. no one has been able to reach my mother and they just found my grandmothers and she gave them mine. i get to call my mom and tell her that her father is dead. this, after i'd decided to call and tell her i didn't want to go to houston for her brothers b-day. 2months ago he was given 3-12 months to live because of cancer. they just found it and it's too far gone to bother treating. i don't want to go to the funeral either. i don't want to be a member of my family, but i am and he's dead and i have to make the call.

so. here i am. i was just laying down to go to sleep and the phone rang. now i don't feel too much like sleeping. i don't know what i feel like. i'm just kinda here. maybe i'm in shock. my grandfather has always been around and he's always been and asshole. an asshole who loved me a lot. now he's not here. what am i gonna do when my family is all gone? i guess i'll just be here.

Sorry

[ryanr]

Sounds like family relations aren't the best, but that still sucks. I hope it works out as well as can be for you.

Re:Sorry

[bluefairee]

thanks. i can use all the happy thoughts and good vibes i can get right now:)

I express you my sincere condolences.

[jawtheshark]

(However you really seem to have a very weird relationship to your family, or you have a very weird family...or both)

Re:I express you my sincere condolences.

[bluefairee]

both. i'm dread calling my mom to tell her more then i am mourning the loss. my grandfather and i were not close. my uncle and i are not close. the few relatives i would have liked to get to know have died in the past 5 years. i have one cousin left i'd be willing to talk to, but he's only 10yr. he's not corrupted yet.

i'm more concerned about my mother freaking out because everone is dying and deciding she can't/won't live with her only daughter not talking to her. unfortunaltly she doesn't understa

Not sure what you're planning....

[bethanie]

...But my vote is for skipping the funeral. You don't need to involve yourself in a ceremony like that and all of the ensuing distress. Do your "grieving" in private, and spare yourself the agony of more family interactions, for at least one day.

Hey.... wait... whaddayamean I don't get a vote? I thought blue's life was a democracy!! Well, damn....

;-)

....Bethanie....