As I walked back to my cabin I pulled out my phone and hailed the ship's communication stuff. "Attention, ladies," I said. "There has been a fire caused by someone really, really stupid. Pay attention, now. If I catch any open flames whatever, the lady with the fire is locked up 'til we get to Mars. So if you're going to try to make drugs, you damned well better not need fire to do it. And even if you don't use fire if I catch you with drugs you're alone until we get there. So be good."
As I passed the commons there were two naked women having oral sex with each other. "Hey, you two. Get a room," I growled. What was wrong with these whores?
They ignored me.
"You wanna be locked up?"
"Fuck off, Joe."
"That's Captain Knoll to you," I said, and pulled out my taser.
"You're an asshole."
"Get. Both of you. You're alone the next twenty four hours."
They weren't paying me enough for this shit. Fucking droppers!
Well, Destiny would cheer me up, she always did. I was pretty cheerful when I got back.
"Took you long enough," she said slyly.
"Oh, them whores," I said. "I had to lock a couple up."
"What did they do?"
"They were eating each other, I told 'em to go somewhere else and they told me to fuck off. Look, hon, there's two hundred of them and they act like feral children. They'll take over if I let 'em."
"Feral?" she grinned.
"You're rubbing off on me, Brainiac!"
She giggled. "Here, I got some cheese while you were gone."
I picked up my glass. "To cheese!"
She laughed. "I'll drink to that. Want to watch something?"
"Nah, put on some music and we'll cuddle."
"Well, I know where cuddling goes."
I woke up with the worst hangover I had in years. Damn, that wine. I usually drank beer and I hadn't drank any in a few weeks.
I didn't want to get out of the spinning bed, but I really had to pee bad. I staggered into the head and peed like forever. I wanted coffee. Damn, I was going to have to make coffee, the robots suck at making coffee. I hate robot coffee.
I put on a robe and stumbled into the kitchen "" and smelled coffee. It took a few seconds for my hungover eyes that I hadn't really used since I woke up, and in fact maybe I was still asleep to see Destiny and two cups of coffee on the table.
What a woman!
"You're not hung over?" I said.
"Hungover? I'm still drunk."
I sipped my coffee. "What time is it?"
The table said "The present time is..."
"I wasn't talking to you, computer."
Desire laughed. "I don't know what time it is. Tuesday, maybe?"
"Waiting for input."
Who programs these stupid things, anyway? "What damned time is it?"
"The damned time is oh eight fifty seven."
Shit, who programs... SHIT, I got three minutes to get to the pilot room.
"Shit!" I said. "I'm sorry, honey, I have to run."
"Shouldn't you put some pants on first?"
"I'm wearing a robe, I gotta go." I kissed her. "Bye." I ran to the pilot room, coffee mug in hand.
I got there with two minutes to spare. All the readouts were nominal, which is egghead space talk for "everything is normal." At least, I think that's what it means.
I went back to my quarters, kissed Destiny, put on some pants, filled my mug back up, and went on the morning inspection while little men with jackhammers were busy inside my head.
The reduced gravity didn't make my head less light or my stomach less queasy.
I inspected the passengers' quarters first, since they were up front. Except Tammy's, of course. Passengers deserved privacy.
After the little incident with the explosion I checked the rooms a little closer than I had been. Yeah, the doors stay locked but who knows what these drug-addled whores know? I couldn't even tell a whore from a real woman, look at Destiny, I thought she was a whore at first, just because she was cargo.
I'd billited Destiny in the closest cargo quarters to the passengers, but it hadn't mattered since she'd only went there for the takeoff. She's been in my quarters since.
This was the part I hated. I knocked on the door. Hell, I didn't have to since they were cargo but I don't want to be any more of an asshole than I have to. In some situations you have no choice, you got to be an asshole.
I'm a boat captain, I'm used to being an asshole. I don't like it, but it's a shitty part of a great job.
"Who is it and what do you want? I ain't got no drops, bitch."
"It's Captain Knoll. I'm doing ship inspection. May I come in?"
"No. Fuck off, asshole."
"Door, open." The door opened and I went in. She was naked. "I don't have to be polite, dumbass. I just am. I'll skip it from now on if you prefer assholes."
"I ain't got no drops, bitch."
Gee, I've been hearing that a lot lately, and usually from one whore to another. "I ain't looking for drops. Just routine, damage or danger of damage."
"I ain't got no drops, bitch."
As I left for the next apartment two naked whores passed me, laughing. It was the two Thai chicks laughing about the fat blonde whose name I can never remember. Hell, there's two hundred of 'em and I ain't went to college or nothing.
Lately it had gotten to where the only people on the boat who wore clothes were me, Destiny, and that Tammy girl.
Nobody else was home, except Kathy and Dawn, who just yelled "come in" when I knocked and kept on playing with each other's pussy while I did my inspection.
I'd skipped the infirmary and commons, I'd check them when I got back. They were between cargo and passenger quarters.
Next was the engines, and they never had anything wrong with them. They should keep them in a vacuum, I thought, because I never once found a problem during an inspection and it didn't keep the engines on that Saturn run going.
That Saturn run... that's why I stopped doing cargo. Lot of good my inspections did there. Jesus, that's a long time to be alone, I almost went crazy. I almost quit, but headquarters said I'd have passenger runs.
I checked out all of the shit my tablet told me to check out and walked back to the infirmary. Next time I'm on Earth I'm getting a bicycle or something, this is a big damned boat.
"Um, yeah, I am" she said, looking at the IV tube.
"Don't get too used to it," I said. "You won't be in here long."
"Well, I guess if I want to get high I'll hurt myself!"
"Nope, that's up to me. Next time it's naproxin."
While I was there I got some naproxin myself; my head was still throbbing but my stomach wasn't as bad. Now to inspect the commons.
The commons area was huge, an eighth the size of the entire passengers deck with a full automated kitchen.
It was full of naked whores.