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Journal BoneFlower's Journal: why in the hell does love have to be this way?

so I fall completely in love with a friend of mine. Cute, open minded, got common ground but with enough differences to keep it interesting, shes smart, funny... all that...

problem is she's also a drug addict, a whole bunch of issues picked up when she got into E, which made her want more e, which distracted her from dealing with things, and so on... shes a mess. in no shape for a romantic relationship, at all, it would just cause her more problems at this point in her life that she doesn't need right now.

So, my feelings being so incredibly strong are pushing, railing at me to do something and try to move the relationship beyond friendship. But those same feelings, the deep love I feel for her is also demanding I hold back on that, give her support as a friend, but hold back on the romance to avoid pressuring her and distracting her from dealing with everything. I know the right thing is to hold my distance romantically until she's ready(which will, at the least, be several months), but its just incredibly hard to hold it in... the worst is trying to do "cutesy" things to cheer her up a bit... things that would be innocent and sweet in a platonic relationship, while thats what it is, she knows how I really feel(if I hadn't told her, I'd never feel comfortable around her, she'd pick up on that and it would have caused even more problems) so I'm really scared that doing such things, even if it might help give her a quick emotional lift, could be misinterpreted as pressure for a romance. hell, I'm scared a bit of myself- how am I to be sure if its meant as a sweet cutesy thing to lift her spirits or my desire for the promotion to BF that is in charge when I do that?

I just hope I can keep the feelings in check, and hold onto them long enough to have a chance when she's recovered... and I also hope I don't pass up a better opportunity(I don't see how there could be a better opportunity, but it could happen maybe I guess) while waiting for her to be ready...

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why in the hell does love have to be this way?

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