Guipo's Journal: interesting week

well, I've been meaning to write in my old journal for a few days now, and its dead at work, so I decided to do it.

First things, I just found out, from unnamed sources that Donna is seeing someone. Ronnie is his name. Thats about all I know. You know what, I should feel all hurt, and stuff or whatever, but really I dont. Kinda surprised, and I guess I feel like one is supposed to, but I'm glad for her, if she found someone she can be with.

Of course I know Donna, and she probadly found a great guy, but will sabotage it in some way. Thats her thing I guess.

Really, she's gonna end up with someone who abuses the crap out of her, just like her mom did. Thats what I expect. I swear, if she ever puts my child in that sort of situation, i wont stand for it. I would already take full custody if at all possible, and something like that would gaurentee it. I would never want that for my daughter however, nor would I ever want to have her apart from her mother. Her lifes hard enough already.

If anyone ever hurts my daughter, i'll hurt them. Thats a promise.

You know what, I just want the best for Donna. I gave her my all, and I have nothing to regret. When you give everythign you have, there is no doubt, no whatif's. Only certainty that you did your best, and you still failed. Kinda a bit sad to know that when you belive you can do anything, that there is something you couldnt do, not matter what you did. But I've accepted that. Really, I hope she does well, and i hope the best for her.

There's alot of things that I could say, in anger. I really try not to be angry anymore. If anything, its just cynicism. And I guess thats better than anger. Eventually that will go away as well. We can only be good through god. I need to do that more I guess. I know. ok, now to other things. I finished rebuilding my Honda 90. Damn thing smokes. Dang it. But hey hey, no leaks! Thats good. So now I just have to fix a exause leak, and I'll have a honda 90, with built in Smoke screen.

I got a power chip for my car, and installed it. It was pretty easy. I havent noticed a difference. I guess it wouldnt be alot, its not like I have a turbo anymore.

Now kim. Things are great between us. We're both so in love with each other. Its crazy, cause it was so quick. But we really want to do this right. According to the state of California I'm techinically married still. I dont feel like it. I shouldnt. I'm not. I'm really not married.

So I talked to my pastor yesterday about the whole me dating kim thing. He assured me that I was still married. What I want to know is, how does god look at it. I have a hard time beliving that God goes by the state of California. I mean, obviously god denounces divorce, so probadly no one knows. But when does it make it right to be really serious with Kim(not that we arnt pretty serious now). But officially.

You know, i should of expected it from my pastor, I mean, i should of known what he was going to say. That I should just be friends with kim until my divorce, that right now I'm on the rebound, and just all sorts of stuff like that. Thats the kind of things pastors say. He doesent want to see me hurt again, and he certainly dosent want to see Kim hurt.

Kims also a leader in my church. So even the appearance that we're together could be very bad. Because most of the church has no clue that I'm divorced. So the appearance is that she's seeing romantically a married man. yea, that looks bad.

But here's the thing, I've never felt since day 1 that I was married anymore. I've never felt wrong, or bad about seeing Kim. Surprised, maybe a little, but that was just because I had such a amazing girl whom was crazy for me.

You know, seriously, I know with Kim, I can do it right. I can do our relationship right. And in a couple years, who knows what will happen. I may just find myself married again. Thats how good Kim is. She's good for me.

I just want to do this right. You know. I dont want to lose this one. I've had a good girl before, one that I really regretted losing. I hope that I can do this right, and not ever lose kim. She's really that good.

I guess I'm going to go, but I feel like there is just so much more to say. later.

State

[turg]

I have a hard time beliving that God goes by the state of California

I don't think the state of California is the originator of this concept.

Sigh

[Flamesplash]

I mean, obviously god denounces divorce, so probadly no one knows.

She/He does? Says who? Some book that in no way could have changed over the past 2003 years through who knows how many translations and egotism Kings? Some book that was supposedly written by people guided/posessed by some super natural entity? I'm not trying to be offensive, though I inevitably am. I just think you need to live your life by how you think your God would want you to, assuming your God is important to your belief system.

Re:Sigh

[Guipo]

well, your interpretation of the bible, does not offend me, but basically, I have to belive what it says, because to me, its my link to god, other than prayer and worship. Its actually God's word.

I dont know what to say about the serious part, except that it kinda is already starting to get serious. its been nearly 6 months however, so I'm pretty sure I'm ready. The divorce wont be final for 2 more months or so.

Socially we're keeping it on the down low however. Mentally, its fine with me. :)

Guip