Guipo's Journal: A long overdue update

Well Life for me has been sporatic. Not that life itself is sporatic, because if it was you would be dead. I guess I should start with a update. I'm getting a Divorce. InFact, its close to being final. She hardly let me see my kid for a month as we both filed for custody. Well as all things go in California, I didnt get custody. I got descent visitation though. It was funny, the counciler person that was assigned to us, wouldnt let either of us get in a word either way. But it ended up ok for me, better for her. I also have to giver her 900 dollars a month. That hurts.

I do have to say, that I've started the process of getting over her. I've actually been pretty good. I've never had a problem getting women, and now that I'm single, that addage will hold up. But all in all, I'm doing good. The money thing is almost worked out, i get to see my kid every weekend and wednesday. It goes up in a month too. Still, it will be tough. I will fight for eventual joing custody.

I do belive that I'm doing a good job being a single dad. I take my responcibility very seriously. Basically my life revolves around my daughter. There is no self want, or need that is more important than her.

When I was fighting for custody, I wrote out a couple page speech, or diatribe if you will of how I felt, and why I was the parent to get custody. It turns out that it was never read at all, never needed to be. I'll end up posting that letter as a journal entry. I figure someone should read it.

So lifes good. I'm adjusting to living alone, however the single life, well I'm just not all that good at that.

On another note, i evacuated the last of my stuff from the 'ranch', it was a trying experiance. Looking at my life, or what used to be my life, remember the memories, good and bad, its hard. You know what I still dont understand, is how a couple can completly love each other, and somehow, just fall out. It wasnt anything either of us did. It just happened. Sure, some things in Donna's quality of character, well they need working on, but we all have faults. I know my inability to not love her contributed greatly to our demise. But thats all in the past as they say.

I guess I'm still getting over her. The truth is, that I loved her very very much, and still do in my way. I know that every time I see her I just cant stop staring. I know that will pass. Just like everything else. I dont think I'm going to be very good with other relationships until I do get over that. Another strange thing is how angry I get. I get so worked up about her. I guess its all part of the phases one goes through when they mourn a loss. And I'm definitly still mourning.

I'm reading a book, a fellow slashdotter told me about, called illusions: The adventures of a reluctant Messiah. Its so far a very good book, but I'm only to chapter 6. I find myself, trying to equate my life to this book, but so far alls I can pick out is that you are dealt a hand of cards sometimes, and your only option is to play them out. I know this book will give me tons of insight.

I've really been thinking about going and seeing a counciler, because I still feel broken. From the night of the 23rd of December until now, i'm still broken. But you know the positive, is that I'm healing. I can tell. I'm getting better. Life goes on whether I complain about it or not. So I try to make the best of it.

I guess what I'm learning is that I just need to be myself, and be the Dan. Not what she wants me to be, not what anyone wants me to be, what I want to be. I'm getting better. And thats what matters.

man..

[super_amy]

divorce is no fun. my parents were married for.. almost fifteen years before my mom died a couple months ago. shortly after that, i was informed by my dad that both had been previously married. My mom had been married to a guy that I've seen several times, which was weird, and he's a good friend of my dads (which is weirder). My dad was married to a woman for 6 years before they got divorced, and he said the divorce was one of the hardest things he's ever done. What I'm trying to get at is that you can be

Thank you!

[Guipo]

your prayers are appreciated. Lifes been hard, but I'm getting better. Its wierd, btu somewhat reassuring that other people have gone through this, and have turned out okay. Well thank you very much!

Daniel