Fuck, I am stressed.
I slept horribly last night with dreams about this project. One dream was weird - Gared O'Donnel from Planes Mistaken For Stars was playing a show, and gave me a new book of his to read. The book
featured many technical specifics about my company and project. I was like, "Gared! I didn't know you worked here before!" Yeah, that one was stupid.
But then it got real fucked up when I actually started stressing about the project timeline in my dream. Ugh. I can't even get away from it in my sleep. Might as well not sleep then.
I am scheduled to go to production on the 26th. That's a week away. And we don't even have anything in test yet. I don't know that my contractor is feeling the stress like I am, and I don't know if I
should make him feel it too, or what. There's a reason I never wanted to be a manager. But I'm essentially the project manager of this particular project, and it's success or failure is solely my
success or failure.
I just need it to be about 75% functional for the end of the month, and then we can work on the final 25% in May. Most people I've talked to about my situation aren't envious of me. Yet I still like
this better than my other job. I like real responsiblity, and I like building things. At the old job, there was no satisfaction whatsoever. My servers were either up or they weren't. That was the
only measurement of if I was doing a good job, and it was contiually monitored status rather than a static, viewable monument to my ingenuity.
I have accepted that there will be no failure on this project. Success is the only possible outcome. It is not boolean.
It's almost 5:00 PM here, but I'm not leaving until I have this Wicket modal window showing all the information I want it to show.