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Journal Velex's Journal: frist 1

I just wanted to take credit for modding down a good handful of comments in that thread for being skeptical that outing someone in a country where Rick Santorum is a serious contender for a major political machine's presidential candidacy could be problematic.

The trouble with suicide is that it's easy to blame the victim. That's also the trouble when something bad happens because someone is expressing their homosexuality by doing something that's apparently so completely threatening to all of you like holding hands in public I modded down who pretend you have no problem with homosexuality, but it's just that you don't want it anywhere near you. You are afraid, and I don't know why because my experience in life has been completely different from yours. Only you in your heart of hearts can tell yourself why you find something like two guys holding hands in public or a guy talking about seeing a movie after work with his boyfriend so completely threatening that you'd suggest those things are just wrong and inappropriate.

Ok, put yourself in my shoes. Think about how the world looks to me. I can't tell you what the world looks like to a homosexual man, because I'm not a homosexual man, though. I was born with male genitals and a female brain. I don't know why, except for no other reason than biology is messy. I also like guys a lot more than girls, which is double-whammy because most girls like me are mostly lesbian. Do I want it to be that way? I don't know. It's just the way it is, and either I can fight it or I can accept it, because it's not changing.

Every day I have to listen to guys going on about their wives and girlfriends, and I have to listen to girls talking about their boyfriends and baby daddys and (on a blue moon) husbands. Apparently your instition of marriage is so broken that girls feel no compulsion in the slightest to get married before having children. I digress, though. I walk through a park and I see men-among-men holding hands with pretty girls.

This may be amazing to you, but I wish I didn't have to see and hear about everyone else's sex lives, either. Nobody has a problem with heterosexual cisgendered behavior. I just look the other way and maybe feel a little jealousy. Unless someone from a distance mistakes me as just another cisgendered girl with her boyfriend in a park, their ignorance will reduce me to my body parts and I'll be yet another one of those dirty homosexuals who should keep their sex lives and fetishes locked up in the bedroom. So, I just move on and let it go. Trying to get those people to confine their sex lives to their bedroom and not a hint of it anywhere else would be like beating back the tide.

It's not fair, but it's just the way it is. Maybe some day things could be different for another generation. That's why I'm not going to shut up about it.

Back to the suicide and hate crime issue.

It's super easy to say "look at me, I'm a big man and I wouldn't let something like that bother me. There must have been something wrong with him." Yeah, it's called being homosexual in a country that still believes that homosexuality is a mental illness that can be caught by being tempted into a wicked lifestyle and cured or prevented with sufficient virtue. Therefore, homosexuals are like suicides. They just simply lack some kind of virtue or character. Maybe their dads didn't make them mow the lawn and shovel the driveway enough when they were kids, right?

So, this is what it comes down to. I've been there before. Granted, it wasn't like that. It was just a stupid mistake of mine that outed me. I wasn't thinking at the time. When I first started HRT, it was an experiment, just a test. I was going to kill myself anyway, so I wasn't worried about if I developed a blood clot and had a fatal stroke on the 3rd day.

They'd just blame the liberals for killing their strong son and there'd be a lawsuit against the college, right? It's not like it could possibly be the fault of the people who failed to do the right thing and get me on estrogen and an androgen blocked when I was 10 so I might have a shot at living a full and somewhat normal life. Anyway, I digress yet again.

My plan was good and all. I just wanted so desperately to know what it felt like to be a girl, and I was fairly sure I was just going to kill myself anyway since I never could actually be a girl. HRT seemed close enough. They said my skin would get softer, I'd cry easier, and if I waited too long to kill myself, I'd start developing breasts like any other girl.

The only problem is that I forgot my credit card bill went to my parents' address as well as mine.

So, about a month later, they asked me if anything was wrong and why I'd made a purchase at a pharmacy.

Needing to come out before you're ready is hard. I was excommunicated from my family and informed that I was an abomination who'd been posessed by the devil and murdered their son. I guess I'm just spectacularly bad at killing myself.

That was a long time ago, though.

The point is all of you I modded down have no idea how much of an asshole you are. You've never been there, and you never will. You're lucky enough to be cisgendered and heterosexual. I wish I were lucky enough to make such insensitive comments without even realizing how much of an asshole I'm being, because I honestly wouldn't know if I were that lucky.

Maybe you should count your blessings before you open your mouth again.



Ahh, stupid broken slashdot. I guess I can't preview any changes I make. Posting anyway. If you're a grammar nazi or want to attack me over a typo then LALALALALA I can't hear you.

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  • So, I just move on and let it go. Trying to get those people to confine their sex lives to their bedroom and not a hint of it anywhere else would be like beating back the tide.

    This part could have been more clear. Try this:

    So, I just move on and let it go. Trying to get horny young cis guys and blossoming young cis girls to confine their sex lives to their bedroom and not a hint of it anywhere else would be like beating back the tide.

Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.