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Journal tomhudson's Journal: What to tell those true believers "post-rapture" 4

Since everyone is still here:

1. Tell them that you got taken, but that because not enough people showed up, the event was cancelled and everyone got a refund.

2. When they get all skeptical, ask them to prove that it's not true. Point out that obviously the criterion are different from what they were led to believe, since they didn't get taken.

3. Tell them God has a personal message for them: "Stop being a schmuck!"

Use your own personal version of Pascal's Wager - "If I'm lying and you believe me, you've lost nothing by not being a putz, but if I'm telling the truth and you doubt, you've lost everything. So do yourself a favour and stop being such a smeg-head!"

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What to tell those true believers "post-rapture"

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  • I'm working on the basis that it did happen, and nobody deserved to be taken up. The ones that are left are going to hell regardless....yup, that's all of us, including pastors, popes and atheists alike. The only alternative is that god and the afterlife are simply fairytales for children who are afraid of the dark. Take your pick - personally I find the idea of oblivion far more reassuring.
  • I got taken but got bored waiting for St. Peter so I took the lift back down. Man, they really need some new decorators up there, it was all boring white and cold bright lights.

  • ...but I've had better trips on acid and mushrooms, no big deal.

  • For believers, it's look for the signs, and live as if every day might be your last [a totally different meaning to that for unbelievers!], but remember that no one knows the day or time [not even Jesus did], as one bewares of false prophets. Really just Christianity 101. Another good rule might be don't accept Satan's invitations to make an ass of oneself and one's kind in front of the unbelievers.

The optimum committee has no members. -- Norman Augustine