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Journal KshGoddess's Journal: I still can't believe I'm this old. 12

I've been 35 for almost a month now. I'm working at a place with linux-only guys, who think that the best solution is always free software. I feel like the old unix dude with the suspenders who still reads a.s.r. I feel ancient, as I've worked with big iron, or at least medium iron since my first job, and the guys who work in the IT department here are used to virtualization on intel platforms (so, machines considered big for their time, but not SPARCs or RISC machines).

Benny pestered me incessantly about what I wanted for my birthday. I couldn't figure it out; I was (and still kind of am) on the dark side right now, about a 4 on my personal 1-10 depression scale. It doesn't affect my ability to work, but it numbs and dulls my senses. Like I should've been elated to get the job I have now (which is almost perfect), but I wasn't. I couldn't express that level of joy. I'm still not quite there, but I'm digging out of it slowly but surely. Anyway, the day before my birthday, I figured out what it was I wanted. I wanted a guitar and lessons.

We headed to Guitar Center and I found a decent guitar, and we walked out with a guitar, case, book, picks, and an extra set of strings. I called up the music store in Castle Rock (which is where I work, 17 minutes from where we live, just north of Sedalia), and started lessons last week. I suck, but I'm sucking less at it every day. I practice until my fingers are tender, as many days as I can actually get the time, and I figure that has to be good enough.

I don't want to be the next Joni Mitchell, or even Lisa Loeb. I just want to make music, in the way I still take photos because I want people to see what I see in the world.

If anyone is looking for a 6-month gig in the Castle Rock, CO area, let me know. I'm looking for a mini-me, who can help me get the alarms in line. Someone who groks windows servers and javascript, who has a decent grasp of monitoring and alarming (snmp and nms experience would be nice, but not necessary.) I'm currently putting people through the "Chris test" by having my boss interview them first, and looking for specific skills later.

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I still can't believe I'm this old.

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  • I hope you continue coming out of the depression. I've been there and it's hard. It's really good though that you've identified what the problem is and you're working through it.
    • we've been broke and we've been homeless (short sale, not a forclosure, if that matters) and jobless. I've had a crap job since january, and a decent job since july. I know the cause, and I know some of how to fix myself. I've just not had the luxury of not being so worried about having a roof over my head and food in my belly to actually engage my coping mechanisms. Now I have some stability, and things are getting better.

      as a side effect, my brain's less foggy, which is a good thing, and fascinating.

      • I think the biggest fear, once you've had to couch-surf because of a lack of a job, etc., is that you can easily end up there again. The people who blew up the economy aren't the ones paying the price ... and this Not-So-Great Depression is going to mark a whole generation, the same as the Great Depression did to a previous generation.

        as a side effect, my brain's less foggy,

        We have a cure for that - booze!

        Seriously, congrats on the job and the guitar. Nylon or steel (I'm assuming acoustic, so you can do

        • Yeah, that's the biggest fear, but my job is more or less something that will be there until either the company goes under or I get tired of dealing with it.

          The guitar's actually a 6 string acoustic-electric. It's a Yamaha APX-500 [] Steel strings, kind of a narrower body. In the 'red' flame maple finish they show in the photo. It's a veneered guitar, which tend to survive better at this altitude and humidity. I'm taking lessons at the music store down the road from work, and enjoying it. I played with my tea

          • Nice! So you should be playing House of the Rising Sun by Christmas, and Alices Restaurant, Stairway to Heaven, and Hotel California by this time next year! (seriously - it's not that hard if you practice and can get the hang of doing a bar). Rock on!
            • Considering right now I'm looking forward to getting to the "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" lesson... yeah, it seems a bit daunting, but we got a new mac mini, and I found out a couple days before that that garageband had guitar lessons. I figured anything that helps me keep thinking about the guitar can't be bad.
  • by Tet ( 2721 )
    Good to see you're still around. Sorry to hear things haven't been going to well. Am I remembering right that you'd bought a chunk of land? Is that what you had to sell? That sucks if so.

    Anyway, not a lot to add (other than that I might be in CO next year, on quilt-related business -- still not sure about that, though). Oh, and feeling old? I was 40 this year, and work in a office full of people that don't understand their Unix history :-(

    • no, no, the land we still have. We're headed that way this afternoon after work. There just aren't buildings there yet.

      just the house we used to have, we don't anymore.

      Oooh, that sounds like fun. Who/what is in colorado for quilting? I know Schact is here for spinners and weavers...

      Not only do my cow-orkers not know their unix history, they think I'm way old-school for having any experience on something that's not x86.

      • by Tet ( 2721 )
        Well, I'd rather have lost the house than the land. Not much of a consolation, but still. I can only dream of having that amount of space. I hope you can afford to do something with it soon.

        Who/what is in colorado for quilting?

        Ricky Tims [] is in Colorado, about 175 miles south of Denver. He's one of the big names in the quilting world. We met him when he was over here a few years ago, and he wrote the foreword for my girlfriend's book.

        they think I'm way old-school for having any experience on something

        • i've heard of ricky tims; i like his use of color. La Veta's a little south and a little west of where our land is. our land's a little north of walsenburg, where you'd get off 25 to head west to la veta.
  • I just want to make music, in the way I still take photos because I want people to see what I see in the world.

    This perfectly describes why I take pictures. To me, it's about how I experience the world and how I share what I experience with others. Have fun with the guitaring!

A committee takes root and grows, it flowers, wilts and dies, scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom. -- Parkinson