Journal Veronika's Journal: My Day 1
Today I nearly made an irreversible mistake. It's a mistake of the size I-would-regret-for-the-rest-of-my-life. But I think (actually firmly believe) that my last minute prayer to Goddess of Mercy saved me. I was looking for a distraction, a quick fix, to a problem that I refuse to acknowledge. I wanted to pretend that it never existed, buried it somewhere so that I didn't have to deal with it. If I pretended hard enough, I wish it would eventually go away. Of course, it doesn't. I wonder why it took me so long to realize it.
Anyway, the usual screw-ups and stumbling (as a result of divine intervention) that seem to happen so frequently to the distraction turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I am no longer confused, still sad, but I will survive. Someday, something good is gonna happen to me. And when it does, I would know I deserve it.
Blessings... (Score:2)
Realizations of the sort that you had can be hard-won growth; very good for you. The good things that will happen to you -- of course you deserve them. How otherwise? But don't miss the little good things in every day, while you are waiting for that big good thing.
Happy birthday, and best wishes for a good year, should you not post again before then (as seems likely :-) ).