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Journal StalinsNotDead's Journal: Suicidal relatives 18

Well, I got a call from a cousin that I haven't heard from in ages. He was not doing very well. I won't go into what the problems are. Not my place. He mentions suicide as a solution.

Me: Wiat a moment. You know I'm not the one to talk to about that.

Him: No. I'm talking to you because you won't try to talk me out of it.

Me: That's not entirely true. I will caution you to carefully consider the ramifications of your actions and the hurt you will cause others, and yourself should you survive the attempt.

Him: I will.

Me: Do you remember how you felt when (name withheld) offed himself? [a cousin in common]

Him: Yeah.

Me; That's how everyone'll feel, except some will feel it worse about this than you felt about that. I don't condone the action. I would rather you didn't do it. But that's not my call. Everyone takes their own path.

Then we exchanged departing pleasantries. And based upon the esitmated timeline I recieved from my mother a couple days later, he consumed an over-dose level of drugs almost immediately after the phone call.

He survived. He's institutionalized. I have yet to speak with him since the incident.

I dislike life at times.

This discussion was created by StalinsNotDead (764374) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Suicidal relatives

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  • by RM6f9 ( 825298 )

    Hope you're not taking any responsibility on for your cousin's choices/actions.

    • It's tough not to. But he's free to make his own decisions. And how am I to know his life better than him? I'm not living it.

      I'm also not likely to try to shine a rainbow up anyone's ass with optimistic speculations about how their life isn't as bad as they think. I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by not trying to talk him out of it.

      I am sad that he felt this was the best possible solution, and there's little I can do to improve the situations he related. I am also sad that he made his life much more com

      • by RM6f9 ( 825298 )

        Two authors pulled me out: Cheri Huber ("There Is Nothing Wrong With You"), and Byron Katie ("Loving What Is") I promote Ms. Katie's site in my sig in gratitude.

        • Two authors pulled me out

          Of what? Depression? Self-termination? Of dealing with the aftershocks of having someone attempt?

          As far as I'm concerned, my reasoning with him applies to me as well. I've considered the ramifications of the act. There are people who would be hurt that I care about. And I have no intentions of dealing with that kind of failure.

          • by RM6f9 ( 825298 )

            I've dealt with depression off and on for years - occasionally as far as ideations, never actually taking actions/attempts at suicide. If it helps, I'll lend an ear...

            • I've dealt with depression off and on for years

              Me too. Except for the "off" part.

              occasionally as far as ideations

              yeah. I've gotten to the ideation stage. Ironically, the same pessimism that lends to the depression, also inhibits suicide. I can visualize past the attempt, and see the failure. And that's a flavor of failure with which I do not want to deal.

              never actually taking actions/attempts at suicide

              I'm no hypocrite. I apply the same reasoning as I advised him to. I just seem to come to a different conc

  • Not good. Hopefully, recovery will be possible.

    • He's institutionalized and under surveillance. But, unfortunately, i'm fairly certain that he will succeed eventually.

      At least those around him are now aware of the situation. He didn't talk about it with anyone else.

  • Sorry you're going through this. Just remember you're not remotely to blame for anything he did (though it seems you knew that already).

    The upside is that hopefully he'll now get the help that he clearly needs.

    Be well.



    • Just remember you're not remotely to blame for anything he did

      I do know that on a conscious level. It's the visceral level that's more difficult.

      Be well


  • ... and that's probably not very much right now, but you did what he expected you to do, which is why he called you in the first place. If he had wanted to be talked out of it, he would have called someone else; he had already made his decision, and if you had launched into a "life isn't so bad" or "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" speech, it would have made him more determined to succeed. I feel you did the right thing.

    If you're determined to kill yourself, the only person who can change your mind

    • Thanks Tom (if I may call you by your first name).

      but you did what he expected you to do

      I am pretty predictable. And I find giving knowingly false answers to questions rather distasteful. I think I'm rather well-known at the office for my answers to "How are you?" and responses to "Have a good day".

      I'm not fond of existence. I don't favor other people telling me how great existence is. I'm not about to get hypocritical on the subject just because I don't want someone to die (I view that as selfishness, but

  • I've known five people who attempted suicide (four successfully). It's been pointed out to me that suicide is a cowardly act designed to hurt the people in the social vicinity of the actor - and to inflict that pain upon the victims (family/friends) in a way that deprives them of recourse.

    It does seem to ring true. There probably are exceptions, but....

    Anyway, I thought your frank talk about the pain your cousin is choosing to inflict upon his family was the right thing to say.

    It is his choice to make. Bu

    • I might not be the best choice to man the suicide hotline though

      I can identify with that sentiment.

    • by kesuki ( 321456 )

      wow an 80% success rate is highly unlikely. the body is highly repellent to toxic substances it hasn't been 'familiarized' with, guns tend to have the highest success ratio, with a good 'jumper' location perhaps second to guns, with intentional bloodletting perhaps tied with toxic overdoses for failed attempts.

      fwiw, i did have a failed OD attempt, about 5 years ago, however i was far away from relatives and never got institutionalized. 5 years ago was rough, i couldn't' handle working anymore(likely due t

      • I remember that post. [slashdot.org] There are certain things you remember. I wanted to say something encouraging, but it would have come across as insincere or contrived (and goes against my stance on the subject).

        As a note: I've rather liked your alternative energy entries. Thanks for posting them, I don't really read much more than Slashdot and a couple other sites; and most of my potential comments get discarded before I post them.

        it's also sad that 'resources' for a lethal dose, usually list 'toxic' doses, not 'letha

        • by kesuki ( 321456 )

          'never got institutionalized'

          "How did you manage that?"

          well, when you're parked in a quiet suburban neighborhood where nobody notices an extra car on the street, and nobody calls the cops... and you fail to research your method well, it's easy to wake up the next morning having thrown up naturally, alive and well. i was in texas, fwiw in a small quiet suburb, working class country, where the cops aren't worried about protecting the rich, etc.

          i took what was probably a toxic dosage but not a lethal one, any

      • by Degrees ( 220395 )

        The people who did die: two were gunshots, one jumped off an overpass in front of a truck, and one laid down on a train track. The one who didn't die was bloodletting (although at one point, the paramedics told us to pray, as at that moment, there was no pulse, and almost no blood pressure).

        The person who jumped was my aunt, and she was mentally ill. Her life was particularly rough. Of all the people who acted, I have the most sympathy for her - I can see where she didn't see any hope for a better future.


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