So anyway, as recounted in the last journal, Wednesday night I got stood up by Annie, the fat hooker. Yesterday at lunch Linda called wanting me to come along to watch her play shuffleboard in a tournament at the Blue Grouch.
The Blue Grouch is breaching trademark and copyright law. Its sign features a picture of Oscar The Muppet. I'd take a picture of it and post it on the internet, but then Henson's heirs would sue ME (In Soviet Russia...)
I looked forward to it. I'd planned on drinking expensive whiskey in cheap bars to drown my disappointment at being stood up by a twenty dollar whore. I was surprised when Linda had called and asked, as I'd alreday made a date for tonight with her to shoot some pool and have a few drafts at JW's.
I was supposed to meet her at "Ralph's" house, where she's staying, at seven. I got off work and decided to pass a half hour or so with a beer at Farley's, stop at the gas station for six pack, put it in the fridge and have another beer or two at JW's.
I got to Farley's and there was a motorized scooter that cripples use to get around laying on its side next to a man who laid there bleeding from the head and swinging his fist at three fellows who looked like they were trying to help him.
I parked in the back. "Roger the Offline Troll" was there smoking. I told him to call an ambulance and walked toward the front where the crippled fellow was laying on his back attacking his good Samaritans. Roger, I, and the three other fellows got him back up on his scooter, and one of them called the ambulance. I went inside the bar.
It was bright outside and dim inside, and I couldn't see well. "Steve!" a voice exclaimed. I didn't recognise the face. "Hi" I said a bit confused; she looked too good to be in Farley's but like I said, my eyes hadn't adjusted to the gloom.
I did a double take - it was my old girlfriend I broke up with a little over a year ago. I thought I'd journaled here about her but searching for "robyn" in the journal I thought I'd mentioned her in showed no results, so I'll recount it here. Stop me if you've heard this before...
It was the middle of December 2006 and I hadn't had a girlfriend for six months. At least, I didn't think I had... Chris had lived with some guy so if I called her she'd get in trouble. The last time I saw her she told me she loved me, then I didn't see her for another six months. Shortly before I saw her again I met Robyn.
My old alcoholic friend Danny had called me from Farley's. "Come have a drink with me!" he slurred. In the first place, I really didn't like Farley's. It was a dingy dump; every time I'd let him drag me there, there weren't any women; and every time I drank there I'd wake up the next morning with the runs. I told him I really didn't want to go to Farley's. Also, Danny's a real nice guy sober but he's a mean drunk. "Well," he said, "can you come give me a ride anyway?"
I sonce found out that there were indeed women there, and I could get laid.
When I got there he was in the back of the bar, talking to a large woman playing a pinball machine. He introduced us and I got a beer, and he went outside to smoke a cigarette. I chatted with Robyn for a while. He came back in as I was finishing my beer, and Robyn dropped her last ball. "Anybody want to smoke a joint?" she asked.
"Hell yes" Danny and I both exclaimed in unison. As we were walking to the car he drunkenly asked her "can I fuck you?"
"Sure" she replied, "so long as I can fuck your friend. He's cute!"
I think my head assploded. We smoked the joint in the car as we drove to Danny's place and dropped him off, then went to my apartment and got naked.
She never left. Not for another month, anyway. I bought a house and moved into it, her with me. She was a hopeless alcoholic but she always had pot and wasn't expensive to keep, as she was on disability for brain damage she suffered in an auto accident as a teenager (which explains why she thought I was hot and why she wanted to fuck me), but god she was obnoxious when she was drunk. Which was almost all of the time.
Danny had been in danger of being thrown out of his apartment, so a mutual friend of ours, Meg, the hottest, best looking, nicest woman I know, a woman who owns a commercial property and a business, had an apartment she'd rent to him with payment being construction work and odd jobs. She wanted me to be along when they negotiated, and I said sure.
Robyn had to go with us, of course, and of course she had to drag her obnoxious friend "Cassie" along for the ride. I was relieved to find Robyn gone when I got off work, and chagrined when she called from Farley's wanting me to pick her up. I was supposed to meet Danny and Meg at the Track Shack.
Robyn introduced me to her friend "Cassie". Cassie's mom was rich. Cassie was a twenty seven year old blond. Cassie was obnoxious.
Cassie was a crack whore, as I found out thirty seconds after meeting her. "I like to fuck," she said. "I like to fuck and smoke crak! Want to fuck and smoke some crack?" A different blonde said the same thing a few weeks later - in the same bar.
"Cassie!" Robyn exclaimed. "I thought you quit?"
"Oh," she said. "I did. I forgot." How in the hell I let Robyn talk me into bringing this crack whore along I'll never know. I found out later she was good enough in bed to make up for being an obnoxious crack whore. At any rate, we got in the car and started out. "Where we goin'?" Cassie asked.
"The Track Shack", I replied. George Ranks had been My, Danny, and Meg's haunt but Danny had gotten a job there and then got himself fired and banned from the premises. Neither Meg nor I wanted to have to drive far, and the Track Shack, George Rank's, and Gloria's were all halfway between her house and mine.
"Crack shack? CRACK Shack? There's a bar called the Crack Shack??" Cassie asked excitedly. "No," I exclaimed patiently, "TRACK shack."
"Oh" she replied dejectedly, and slumped down in the seat. "I wish I had some crack. And some dick. Boy I wish I could fuck and smoke some crack!"
"Look," I said, "we're going to be with a very respectable friend of mine in some nicer bars than Farley's so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop taling about crack. Nobody gives a shit about crack but you, OK?"
She apologized, and we all went to the Track Shack. Meg was there, Danny came in shortly afterward. Cassie thankfully stopped talking about crack. Meg complained about the price of the whiskey and how her drink was watered down and the poor service. The average looking woman serving drinks was probably jealous of Meg's looks; Meg makes Amy look like a dog in comparison, and she's ten years older than Amy. So we all decided to go to Gloria's.
They were having kareoke at Gloria's, and I hate kareoke. And Cassie kept talking about how much she wanted some dick. I downed three shots of Evan Williams and washed it down with a beer just to endure Cassie and Kareoke. I got up on stage I was so drunk, and sang "Dirty White Boy." Only I changed the words to "dirty old man."
I started to get another beer and Robyn said we couldn't, that we had to leave. "What?"
"Danny and Meg are outside now".
They were smoking. Robyn and Cassie wanted to go back to Farley's. Meg said go ahead. I asked if she was sure and she said yes.
So Robyn, Cassie and I went to Farley's and I bought a pitcher and got us a table, and Robyn accused me of hitting on Cassie and went to the bar to talk to Roger, leaving me with Cassie. This made us both uneasy, and she asked me to take her home. I said OK and went to tell Robyn that we were taking Cassie home.
"Go on, take her home, I'm staying here. Take her home and fuck her!"
I took Cassie home and dropped her off, and went back to Farley's. Robyn was still talking to Roger. "Well," I said, when it was obvious that if I got a beer I was drinking it by myself, "I'm going home".
"You're not coming?"
"Fuck it then. Give me my goddamned key back." She gave me the key back and I went home alone.
The next day I saw meg, and told her the tale of what transpired. She filled me in about what happened while I was on the stage at Gloria's - Robyn and Cassie got thrown out for being crack whores. I didn't even know Robyn was on the shit! The next time I saw her, a few weeks later, she told me that the last hit of crack she had smoked was the day before she met me, and that I'd been responsible for her stopping!
Meg was incredulous that Robyn thought I was hitting on the obnoxious Cassie. "You were hitting on her? Bullshit, she was hitting on you!
That Monday I ran across Danny at the Track shack, and he told me rumors of Robyn getting arrested the night before, but didn't know the details. We had a beer and went to JW's, where they have better draft and better prices. There was a bartender from the Brewhous drinking there, and it turned out that he was the one who had called the police on Robyn. I told him I'd just broken up with her Friday night.
"That bitch was living with you? Damn her, she's going to be in jail a long time!"
"So what happened?" I asked.
"Well the bitch comes in, drunk on her ass, and sits down with a bunch of Koreans and orders a pitcher. Only she don't have no money. So I throw her out. She comes back in and sits with a black guy, some dope dealer, and orders more beer and I throw her out again. She comes back in and I throw her out and call the cops.
"The cops get there and she's outside with her pants around her ankles shitting in a planter. Thens she took a swing at the cops. And she had a half ounce of pot on her. The fucking bitch is going to be in jail a long time!"
I saw her two weeks later as I was going in to Farley's. "I thought you were in jail?" I asked.
"I got out the next day, it only cost me three hundred dollars. I blacked out that weekend and don't know what happened. Somebody told me you broke up with me."
I told her it was true; that about the only thing I wouldn't put up with was unfaithfulness, and she'd only lasted a month. "So what does this make us, nothing?" she asked bitterly.
"We're still friends" I told her. We sat down at a table and I was introduced to her ex-husband's daughter - Amy.
I hadn't seen Robyn in six months before last night. Tami told me she'd seen Robyn and that Robyn was dying of chirrosis of the liver.
So last night I walk into Farley's, and Robyn had lost weight. I finally realized who she was and gave her a hug. She'd lost weight - a lot of weight. She'd been trying to call me, but I've changed numbers. I told her she still had her stuff in the basement.
"I got some weed. You looking for any weed?"
I said yeah, I haven't had any in a while. Before I could get a beer, Tina walked up wanting a ride. "I'll give you the cab fare". Sure, I gave her the ride and went back to Farley's, and gave Robyn the baggie I keep in my wallet for my cell phone in case I get caught in the rain and get drenched like I did at the George Thorogood concert, and a twenty dollar bill. She went to the ladies' room and I got a beer.
A while later she motioned to me and I walked over. She wanted me to join her in the ladie's room. As she was bent over the sink splitting the pot in two she got a pained look on her face and told me to hit her.
"Hit me in the back. Hard." I thought she was having some sort of medical problem and tapped her on the back. "No," she said, "harder." I hit harder. "No damn it HARDER!" I didn't know what to do or what was going on so I did; it moved her down a full five inches. "HARDER!"
"Look, I don't know what I'm doing. Why do you want me to hit you?" I asked. I was afraid of hurting her, but afraid if I didn't comply she'd suffer more and didn't know what to do.
"Because I've been smoking crack!" she said.
I took my pot and went to get a six pack, went home and ate dinner, smoked a joint, and went up to JW's to kill time until my seven o'clock date with Linda.
Mike was there, and he had my crosover cable that he hadn't been able to get to work; he wanted to transfer some files from an old Windows 98 PC to a new XP PC. He couldn't get either machine to see the other one, and had bought a router and still couldn't get it to work.
Yeah, Mike's an old nerd, too. We drank and talked about Linux and KDE and Gnome and something he's using called "Midnight Commander". He left, and as it was six-thirty by then I left too, and went home.
Quarter to seven Linda called. She'd gone to the store with "Ralph", the guy who's so old he makes me look young, and his whore had called wanting a ride. She was still out riding around with Ralph and his whore and she was going to miss the tournament.
So I got stood up again. Two nights in a row by two different women. I was in bed by eight o'clock.