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-Uncyclopedia article on "Intelligent women"
So I was in the "slashdot message system" looking at comment replies ("Uncyclopedia is not funny, and you are not funny for copypasting that failure of an article." -Anonymous Coward) and there's a "relationship change" message. So I go to see who I've inadvertantly trolled or otherwise pissed off, and i see that the Non-huffable kitten is a fan.
"Non-Huffable Kitten (1142561) has made you their friend."
I'm wondering if this is the same guy that used to post at K5 (where I did the "Paxil Diaries" and wrote a bunch of front page articles before an "editor" pissed me off and I left) as "kitten?" There is (or at least was) a lot of overlap between slashdot and K5; CTS is still there, and posts here often.
Where to find kittens
One Good Huff is just a Postman's delivery away.It is possible to grow kittens indoors by purchasing a wild kitten plant over the Internet. The plant is illegal to possess, but the spores can be sold for research purposes. Kitten plants produce approximately ten kittens per month; therefore, five or six suffice to support a moderate kitten habit. Growers should note that kittens are the method through which the plant reproduces, and therefore those growing on wild plants will contain seeds. The seeds produce intense, salvia-like highs that are generally considered undesirable; therefore, amateurs are advised to purchase only plants which will yield seedless kittens.
So anyway, I've had a pleasant week this week. Amy's been home most evenings, and I thoroughly enjoy getting shitfaced drunk with her. Even if she does smoke those nasty damned cigarettes and won't smoke my sweet, wonderful reefer with me.
"I'm a hot mess" she said. "Yes, you are" I replied. And she is, both hot and a mess, especially when she doesn't take her meds.
"I'm going to adopt you," I told her. She's twenty years younger than me, the same age as my little sister's oldest son. "...so I can claim you as a dependant on my income tax."
I feel sorry for her boyfriend. For one thing, her attraction to him is waning but he doesn't know it. He's been making overtures to have her finally move in with him, and she told me that she doesn't feel at home over there.
She feels at home at my house.
And - I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my girlfriend living with some other guy. I'd think; no, I'd be SURE they were fucking. And I'd be sure that if they were they'd keep it private, not even telling the nerds at slashdot.
I'd hate to be her boyfriend! She sure is hot though. Hot as she is, she's a mess, with several different and distinct mental illnesses. From what she says her mom's even worse, or I'd try to meet and then meat her mom.
She had some "issues" she wanted to discuss, so we got extra drunk. I passed out, when the alarm clock went off this morning, she was gone.
I'm glad I'm not her boyfriend. That's happened to him, too. But unfortunately she's like a stray cat; she always comes back.
Why was I huffed? I haven't done anything wrong! I was just sitting here, unobtrusively, out of the way, waiting for somebody to read me. My one and only goal in life was for my ideas, my jokes, my cries of anguish to be heard, if only by a handful of intrepid and adventurous souls willing to click on a link they hadn't seen before, if only to be seen for a fleeting moment and then forgotten again, like a feathery wisp in the wind. Is that so much to ask for?
"The only thing wrong with kittens is they grow up to be cats." -Oscar Wilde