Tseran's Journal: Twas the Night Before Ashcroft

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Everyone was nervous, including the mouse.
Some internet hoax had filled us with dread,
Saying a suburban terrorist would drop more planes on our head.

The kids were all hiding underneath their beds,
And grandpa was screaming, "They're coming those reds!"
With a gun in my hand and speed dial set,
I was prepared for all of what Bush had said.

When out in the street there arose such a clatter,
I was sure that soon nothing would matter,
Off my chair I rushed with a roar,
To kill some muslims like Dubya before.

The lights in the street had a red glare,
And at what I saw I could not help but stare.
For what to my surprise should appear,
But a bullet ridden sleigh and a fat man in fear.

His skin was all white and covered with sweat,
And in the red suit was a flak vest I bet.
He looked at me through my shotgun sights
And sighed "It's gonna be one of those nights"

"Put down your gun, I mean you no harm!"
And I believed him too and turned off the alarm.
"I'm just doing my job as I have every year,
Although this time it may be the last I fear."

He sighed as he looked up at me with dread,
"The bullets from the airforce killed my reindeer dead,
And the damage to the sleigh is bad now I see
After this flight Allstate will never insure me!"

"The fear that your president has spread,
Can only end with more children dead.
He calls them all terrorist swine,
And claims his mission is from the divine."

"Then off to Iraq he jumps with no warning,
And drops more bombs on them in the morning.
He scares me when he warns of attack,
Like somehow the twin towers can be brought back."

I saw that he was right and Dubya was all wrong,
We had been fighting the wrong enemy all along,
We should not fight those who hate us afar,
But against the fears we have in our heart.

He saw that I had figured it out with a smile,
And he had reinforced his sleigh all the while.
"Its back to Canada and the North pole for me,
Its not war that brings freedom, but peace now you see."

He rose from the ground and he heaved a great sigh,
And I couldn't help but notice a tear in his eye;
"I've tried," he declared, "to reverse my defeat,
But I fear that with Bush I've become obsolete."

He slumped down quite low and returned to his sleigh,
And these sad words he spoke as he went on his way;
"No longer will I do the job that's required;
If anyone asks, say,'Bush had me fired!'"