WannaBeGeekGirl's Journal: hard days

i am just stumbling through the days. between my failing health, some really painful personal losses and what i perceive as a messed up world right now, its all i can do to survive. there are days that i only get out of bed to eat and use the restroom. i can't handle the news.

my friend comes in and turns on comedy central to try to cheer me up, because Lewis Black is on the other night. it was the first time i'd watched tv in ages. i managed to laugh, but then i get all laden down with guilt because i'm laughing about how messed up things are. is that okay? it doesn't seem okay.

i know from a decade+ of severe depression that laughter is one of the best ways to boost my mood. it always works, but i'm so messed up right now i don't know whats okay to laugh about. i mean Black wasn't being intolerant to anyone, other than his language which is bleeped out. this is how i know the depression has me in its grip. i'm feeling guilty for laughing over Lewis Black and The Daily Show.

i just want these days to end or ease up. i don't need some candy-coated world, but i'm in survival mode and its so hard, i've been there so long. i'm so weary. /whine off

One day at a time.

[SatanicPuppy]

One day at a time is all you can do. Try not to worry about the world...We view problems with the world as immediate and personal, because we care about it, but really, the world can take care of itself. It's a hell of a lot tougher than we are, and will still be spinning along long after we've gone.

And you never need to feel guilty, even if you do something wrong. Guilt is self-punishment, guilt is a little do-it-yourself emotional S&M. I know you can't just la-de-da not have guilt feelings; depression

Chin up

[Captain Splendid]

my friend comes in and turns on comedy central to try to cheer me up, because Lewis Black is on the other night. it was the first time i'd watched tv in ages. i managed to laugh, but then i get all laden down with guilt because i'm laughing about how messed up things are. is that okay? it doesn't seem okay.

But what else are you going to do? "Death smiles at us all, all we can do is smile back."

Re:

[Shadow Wrought]

Agreed. I've only dealt with deprerssion to a fraction of what you write about, but if it makes you laugh, then you need not feel guilt.

Hang in there

[TopShelf]

I can see how the Daily Show could trigger those kinds of feelings, since the humor is about obstensibly important issues like Iraq, etc.

I'd say you should stick with the safe stuff, like fart jokes. Lots of 'em...

Last night as we (me, the wife, and our kids, ages 5, 5, and 4) ate dinner, the twins started having a burping contest, which the 4 year-old, of course, thought was hilarious. My wife then weighed in with a "kids, we don't do that at the table", and tried to restore some sense of order.

I took th