Example: "Typical M$ behaviour. I'm not one bit surprised by this."
Comment: By writing M$ instead of Microsoft or MS, you are reminding the world that some corporations in this world are interested in making money. This is something we all need to remember. If you find M$ being overused, you can also use the term Microsloth. Using either word quickly demonstrates that you're an impartial rational person and that your post will be insightful and balanced.
Example: "LOL I went to the shop and I bought a newspaper LOL!"
Comment: Add LOL to the beginning and end of every sentence you write. In real-life, laughing at random makes you appear to be insane or unstable, but in writing it makes you appear intelligent and friendly LOL. See also LOLZ, LOLZOR, ROFL and ROFLMAO. Any sentence that doesn't contain at least one of these is a failure. LOL is most effectively used when responding on a subject about which you know nothing. LOL, why u need terabyte drive for profesional video work? I only have 60gb and that works fine for Windows Movie Maker. ur stupid.
Example: "It's rediculous to expect me to read the article!"
Comment: When ridiculous just isn't enough, we have the word rediculous.
Term: CAPITALISATION of specific WORDS to create emphasis.
Example: "You NEED to read the MANUAL before you fucking post HERE!!!"
Comment: Some people write clear sentences in which the important points are easy to discern. This is a waste of time, just capitalise the words that you think are important. Some may see this as shouting but WHO CARES?????
Term: I know I'll be modded down for this but...
Example: "I know I'll be modded down for this but I think that Linux won't be ready for the desktop until..."
Comment: It's a play on the Obi Wan Kenobi 'Strike Me Down and I Will Become More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine' line. It's also known as 'playing the martyr card'. No matter how nonsensical or incorrect your post may be, you can always claim that you were modded down because of the Slashdot group-think mentality. Your being modded down has nothing to do with your comment being flamebait, redundant, off-topic or downright stupid.
Example: "The sheeple can stay with Windows but I won't. I run [insert Linux distro] on my home-made system with an AMD [insert processor model].
Comment: Sheeple is a combination of the words people and sheep. It describes a herd mentality. Everyone is sheeple except for you, because you're smart enough to see what's really going on. This is possibly why you find it hard to relate to other people and are frequently shunned. One day they'll learn, oh yes they'll learn. You'll make them pay one day!
Example: "Since they stole the laptop from you to begin with, you can just break in to their house, kill them in their beds and take the laptop back. IANAL"
Comment: I Am Not A Lawyer. When giving legal advice it's handy to point this out just in case a Slashdot user assumes that a random stranger on the Internet happens to be a lawyer offering free and expert advice. The judge asked why the plaintif thought it was okay to commit burglary and murder? The defendent informed the court that a guy on Slashdot told him to do it, and he assumed he was a lawyer who knew what he was talking about. Why else would he have given the advice?
Term: What's the point in buying x product, I get by with my y product.
Example: I don't see why Citibank would spend that much on UltraSPARC T2 systems just to run a customer database? I run a blog on my trusty Compaq Presario. It's not just the MySQL database, it's the web server as well. I can even play games while it's serving my blog LOL!!!
Comments: Don't let a total lack of knowledge prevent you from offering advice. I'm sure the CTO of Amazon has never considered how cheaply their ordering system can be run, and as soon as they log off they'll tear out their server room and replace it with an Alienware machine - complete with a really sweet pulsing green light on the front. Your personal experience is always relevant and the world must learn this.
Example: u think that you actually have a say in government? Retard!!
Comments: Anyone who has witnessed a debate or a negotiation between great thinkers knows that there is only one sure fire way to convince your opponent. In order for them to accept your point of view, they must realise how wrong and stupid they are. Calling them a retard (or asshat) accomplishes this.