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Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: Totally Untrue Facts 11

The first ship in space was actually the "Albatross," and was launched from a giant catapult in 1585. Unfortunately, it caught fire in the process. On the bright side, fires don't burn in space.

In 2002, the space station collided with the charred remains of the Albatross, and sent it hurtling into the ocean. Alas, re-entry caused reignition, and the only remaining fragment set fire to a maritime museum in England.

There are more than 500 species of Lemur, and all of them are named some variation of, "Morty," except for one stubborn old specimen in a zoo in France, who refuses to answer to anything but "Agatha."

In 2000, Ethelred set the record for most laundry done in a one-year period. He managed it by sneaking into other people's homes and doing their laundry, too. If you challenge his record, he'll feed you to the trained dingoes in his backyard.

Wood chips are an excellent source of flavouring for beer, and that's actually what most breweries now use instead of hops.

Hopscotch was originally a dance done by the Finnish, who would chew burning coals while jumping the grid.

The tune, "ring around the rosie" actually refers to a diamond heist, in which the jewels (including the stone from the ring of Rose MacMorris, which was one of the finest gems ever set into jewellery) were transported in a pocket sewn into the gown of Miss Posy Arabelle Clarence. The "ashes, ashes" part refers to the fact that she then burnt the city of Newcastle to the ground in her getaway. The gemstones were never recovered.

Coffee has six volatile chemicals which would kill you in twelve cups, if it weren't for the fact that caffeine is an antidote. There's a reason that you don't feel well after a cup of decaf.

Snowshoes were originally developed for walruses. When it became obvious that walruses didn't need them, the locals took them away from Crazy Bert the snowshoe maker, and gave them to sensible Mike the local civic leader, who hit on the idea of using them to walk on snow. Unfortunately, on his first trip, he was mauled to death by a walrus (some say at the instigation of Crazy Bert) and the snowshoes were handed down to Mike's grandniece, who thirty years later reintroduced their use, after Crazy Bert passed away.

The only squirrel with real flight capacity is the Flying Appalachian Pine Rat. It's also the only squirrel with molars, and a taste for beech trees. It's on the list for extinction, so if you want your own, shoot it soon.

This discussion was created by SolemnDragon (593956) for Friends only, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Totally Untrue Facts

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  • Reminds me of some of Woody Allen & Steve Martin's writing. That style always gets a laugh out of me.

    Thanks for brightening my Friday morning. :D
  • Wood chips are an excellent source of flavouring for beer, and that's actually what most breweries now use instead of hops.

    Given some of the beer I've tasted lately, I'm quite certain they are using wood chips instead of hops.

    • For American beer, wood chips is being quite charitable.

      Buffalo chips, on the other hand...
      • by Servo ( 9177 )
        Buffalo chips makes the beer go better with Buffalo wings, right?
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by TechnoLust ( 528463 ) *
        If you make wood chips by hitting wood with an ax, do you make buffalo chips by hitting a buffalo with an ax? No, you just make the buffalo angry and bloody. And nobody wants an angry, bleeding buffalo.
  • Everything is true except for the Laundry. Clearly I have done much more. Sophie has 8 costumes changes an hour.
  • Might be interesting, if you could get the smoky flavor. Chipotle peppers might work for that, but I'm not sure what the heat would do to the beer.

    I heard that the reason that the breweries had to find a substitute for hops was that the Finns had secretly bought up most of the crop in advance, for use in hopscotch. Of course, they only do the burning coal thing when they run out of scotch to use. Hopscotch is actually a modified version of an ancient Finnish activity called hop-scots. The modification c
  • We have been doing more laundry lately because the extra humidity and heat are helping to keep us warm :-| (since we made the dryer vent into the house)
  • by blinder ( 153117 ) *
    he finally says to me, "...but the monkeys aren't mine, and i'm not going anywhere near the walrus."
  • Hopscotch was originally a dance done by the Finnish, who would chew burning coals while jumping the grid.

    Even if this is "untrue," it would explain a lot... ;-)

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty. -- Plato