THERE IS NO GOD!! What will we do? How many marriages, already on the precipice, surviving only by the gilded thread of the Spears/Federline collective will pass through this turbulent time? I'm telling you now, citizens, a pale of darkness is cast over the American family. I guess we where not ready to HANDLE THEIR TRUTH!!! All things have changed... I feel... diseased...
So cold... so so cold...
Whoever had the over/under of 31 months gets the pot.
Anyone with half a brain right now is thinking "What took so long?" Especially since Sir K-Fed is now on the East Coast leg of his world tour (so fantastic that he begged for his show in NYC to not get cancelled, then waited for 2 hours for more people to show up, and when the number didn't swell over 300, he performed for only a half an hour and then left).
This is so classic. K-Fed is the prince of chavs. Jaime Kennedy and Ali G where unnecessary. He gave us Teh REALNESS. Every horrible stereotype of the suburb-nursed white boy G wankster jerk off who bumps ghetto bass in their car and wears wife beaters and gold chains in an effect to show Just How True to The Fucking Game They Are can be dismissed by the prosecution producing only K-Fed as Exhibit A through ZZZ. Everybody knows twenty assholes like this from high school: the guy who wasn't going to college because he was totally going to get an apartment with his girlfriend and they would get smashed up on purple and they where totally and forever in love and he was going to work on his fucking album and their studyhall was spent arguing over a Benz or a Caddy. Of course each and every one of those guys ended up changing oil, three kids out of wedlock, a venomous ex-babymama and a permanent anacronysm to the past you escaped and the one which they wished was forever. JUST WAIT UNTIL I MOVE OUT OF MY MOM'S BASEMENT!
A billion other lifetimes ended that way. K-Fed was the exception that proved the rule by stumbling into a millionaire prefab girl brand who's career genius lay solely in the hands of a cohort of coaches and marketeers. I guess we could say Mr Federline was smart enough to see the dumb bewildered girl under all of that: the one who still talked too much with gum in her mouth smacking wildly. And all that marketing mastery couldn't save Ms Britney from herself: the same doe eyed dunce who scribbled K&B4ever on every page of her notebook in Social Studies.
That she was dumb enough to not have the perception to see that a guy who casually fell dick-first into his previous girlfriend without protection and who was quite happy to do the same to her was mistake #1. That she let the moron put a whole mess of baby sauce up in her guts was mistake #2. Letting him blow through her money while thinking that the Super-G fiction he swept her up in was real was mistakes #3-4.
Why? Because why the fuck should he care. He's got money. Shit, he'll probably live out his days at the end of a 3 foot long novelty bong in the tasteful ranch he paid for in cash while never having to lift a finger again.
K-Fed comes out of this a winner.
He'll never have to pay child support. He's miles away from the life of lateshifts at the Jiffy Lube. He can get his tubes whacked and live out his days. He's an evolutionary success: he's procreated and his seed will be well taken care of. He should make a boutique line of shirts that say 'Come Fuck the Fed'. Hell, I'd buy one.
The best part is the amount of flotsam that this car wreck of a marriage produced. Their Reality Show, His album, the Teen Choice Awards, Britney looking like a fat tranny when trying to work off that second round of baby weight. It's a disaster caught in slow motion. Like a airliner crash or a man jumping off the building, the sort of content that will spin infinitely on YouTube now and forever.
But probably the best thing is that maybe a dozen other dumb young girls out there will hesitate, reconsider their boy's devotion, and have him throw on a jimmyhat at least. I doubt it. History and mankind is built on the failure of reason to overcome instinct. Because our love? Our love is eternal. Something unique that will burn through the ages. A continuum of mistakes.
K-Fed, I salute you.