I suppose I should have said something about why I went four months or so without a journal entry. But what can I say? In many ways, things are very difficult right now, and I'm facing new challenges I don't know how to respond to. This tends to leave me a little down, and I decided I didn't want to write a long succession of depressing journal entries... so I didn't.
But today I have something good to write about. Something that makes me very happy.
He's coming to visit again. Today. Probably in three hours or so.
And it's his birthday, too!
I didn't even ask him to come see me for his birthday... I just said that it would be nice to see him again sometime soon and he said he could come for his birthday. He volunteered. He *chose* to spend his birthday with me.
That makes me feel very special.
I'm not good at birthdays, but I've tried to do a few things to show him how special he is to me. There's a big "Happy Birthday" sign. And streamers. And balloons. Lots of balloons. And a cake I baked last night that still needs to be decorated.
I hope he likes everything.
But it's not just that it's his birthday that makes the whole thing special.
We've now been dating for a year. Well, two weeks short of a year, give or take a bit.
For some of you, this probably doesn't sound like much; you may have dated someone for a year in grade school!
But a year ago today, I'd never even been on a date. Never held hands. Never been kissed.
And once I figured out the whole alien thing and realized some of the rather frightening implications, I figured that I would never experience that side of life.
And then we met online, and soon after he came to visit. We had agreed in advance that it would be a friends only sort of thing, because he really couldn't deal with the whole alien thing. But then we had dinner, and saw a movie, and went to the zoo the next day, and by the time he left we were both rather surprised that things had gone so well, and that we had enjoyed being together more than we had expected.
So I invited him back a few weeks later... and we've been dating ever since.
The alien thing never goes away, and neither one of us are thrilled by it... but somehow we manage.
We don't really talk about "our relationship". He's very shy, and has a hard time talking about such things. I'm afraid I will mess the whole thing up by talking about my feelings too much, and accidentally put too much pressure on him. So mostly, we email a lot, share the mundane details of our lives with one another, and periodically get together and just enjoy being together.
I think one of the things I like about spending time with him is that it forces me to focus on the here and now, and not worry so much about my oh-so-uncertain future.
I haven't talked much about our relationship here, mostly because this is all new for me and I'm still very uncertain how to draw the line between things I should share and things that are best kept private. But... he's a big part of my life, now. Even when Grandma died, I managed to email him every day.
So, what will we do on this visit? Well, we're going out for pizza tonight. Tomorrow we will probably go to Sea World again. This time I'm going to try to remember to go see the penguins. And we may go see a movie. And we'll certainly watch DVD's. I asked him to bring The Muppet Show again.
Mostly, we'll just enjoy each other's company.
And I will feel very special.
Thank you, sweetie... spending time with you has made this the best year of my life. Sometimes, through all the trials and the tears of my alien journey, I forget that. But every time you come to vist, I remember again. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be someone I thought I could never be, and to experience both wonderful and ordinary things that seemed out of my reach.
And Happy Birthday!
Now I have to dry my hair and get that darn cake decorated!