The Turd Report's Journal: The Turd Report 10/06/2002

As some of you may or may not know, I am undergoing dialysis. I have had a new implant and I am taking Percoset for pain management. This has really messed up my morning turds.

Friday, I had 2 Whoppers with Cheese, with no lettuce or tomatoes. I did not have to shit on Saturday nor did I eat on Saturday. This morning, I woke up and started my day. After about an hour, I had a massive urge to take a dump. I scurried into the bathroom and got ready to let one go. It was slow at first then came out all at once. It did not feel as if there was a lot there. But, upon inspection, there was a massive pile of shit rising out of the water. The pile was cone shaped. It was about 5 inches in diameter at the bottom and was 4 inches tall. It covered the drain. I decided it would be best to just flush the turd, wipe, and re-flush. I flushed and the toilet clogged. I was in awe. Just my shit had clogged the toilet. A few moments with a plunger solved that problem and the massive pile went on it's way.

Clean up was ok, but difficult with my implant in my left arm. There was an almost rotten smell to the turd that was very pronounced after the plunging stirred it up. I rate this turd as a 9.

Good God!!!

[Em Emalb]

Dude,

Welcome back.
Sorry to hear about your dialysis problems lately. Are you any closer to receiving a new kidney?

Re:Good God!!!

[The Turd Report]

Thanks! Technically, I am closer to getting a kidney everyday. They tell me that the average wait for a kidney is 3 years now. I have been on the list for 1.5 years. But, I could just as easily get a call today telling me that a donor has been found.

Turds

[Safety Cap]

So, was there corn kernels and bean chunks, or was it just a homogenous mass of brown goo?

Re:Turds

[The Turd Report]

It was pretty homogenous. It was a brown-grey pile of poo.

welcome back

[mekkab]

Sorry 'bout your dialysis implant (my fav teacher in HS had 'em) bothering you...

given that a day or so went between turds was there any color stratifications in you hex-dump? It always reminds me of how different layers in rocks "tell the story" of differnet epochs.
Sometimes I'd like to bring an archaeologist into the stall with me... especially if she's cute.

Re:welcome back

[The Turd Report]

Thanks!

I only had the one meal, so it was a consistant 'doo-doo brown' color. I have had multi-day turds that had color variations; the best was one part that was green and the other was a deep brown.

W00T! TTR is back!

[FortKnox]

What color was it?

And nice clogging job. Usually its the super-fat ones that do it. Its surprising the 'pile' would clog it!

Re:W00T! TTR is back!

[The Turd Report]

Thanks for stopping by, Ft.Knox!

The turd was the standard doo-doo brown color. Considering that the pile covered the drain, it isn't that amazing. Usually, I can flush and some water will go thru and will erode the turd tot he point where a second flush will cause it to go down. The pile had the consistancy of clay and was impermiable to water erosion.