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Journal SarahAnnAlien's Journal: Vanessa Facen and My Recent Surgery

Did I mention one of my other motivations for my recent surgery?

Her name was Vanessa Facen.

Authorities say transsexual woman who died had fought with deputies

Sheriff deputies' use of force contributes to death of transgender person

No, I didn't know her. In fact, all I know is what I've seen in the news stories.

But the story has always bugged me.

Okay, so a 35 year old pre-op transsexual, with "no history of violence or mental health problems" is found naked and bleeding in her neighbor's condo, having thrown herself through a window, and later becomes violent and combative.

And blah blah blah, she fights with police and they smother her or something. That's what people are focusing on.

My question is: WHY?

Why was she naked? Why did she break into her neighbor's home? Why was she behaving this way, all of a sudden? Was she disoriented?

Why was she behaving this way in the first place?

I sincerely doubt she woke up one morning and decided that she wanted to die in a long drawn-out fight with sheriff's deputies. And I think burglars typically wear clothes. I don't think a typical burglar starts by getting naked and flinging herself through an unopened window. Something's just not quite right here.

I think maybe something was wrong with Vanessa. Something medical. But what?

I knew that drugs were a possibility, but the toxicology report seems to rule that out. So, what then?

After I read the first story, I had two guesses: stroke, or hormone imbalance. Disorganized thinking and confusion can be symptoms of a stroke, and being on estrogen increases the risk of a stroke. And anybody who's struggled with their testosterone/estrogen balance knows what it's like to try to fight that inner demon that gives you the overwhelmingly angry urge to smash things and hit people.

So when I first read this story last year, it had quite an impact on me. Because I've had a stroke, and there's a chance I could have another, a chance that was even greater given the megadoses of estrogen I was taking at the time. And I was struggling with the same combative behavior issue, and had for *years*, although I often did a good job of hiding it.

I realized that the exact same thing could happen to me. It scared the hell out of me.

And I knew that, post-orchiectomy, my estrogen dose would go down, my risk of stroke would go down, and my emotions might become easier to manage, thus reducing *my* chances of being killed in police custody for having a medical problem I had no control over.

Post-SRS, I may not even have to worry about being taken to the men's jail if I'm arrested. (While she had lived as a woman for 15 years, Vanessa was being taken to the men's jail downtown because she still had male bits. That's how it works here.)

The world is a very scary place for aliens and transsexuals.

I hope I'm at least a little safer now.

More on this story if it develops...

I've noticed several design suggestions in your code.