pagsz's Journal: September 11th: One Year Later

Like every other American, I can never forget that day. The shock, the horror, the anger. It was the day everything changed; it was the day nothing changed.

Since I didn't start posting in the journal until February, I've never posted on the topic of September 11th before. By the time I discovered the journal, it was too late to record the raw emotion I had felt during that week. However, looking back from one year later allows for a more thoughtful reflection upon the events of the day. So here, for my own memory and the curiosity of anyone who happens to pass through, I will record my recollection of that fateful day.

Since the attacks on September 11th were on all of America, I will avoid politics in this post as much as possible. Everyone was affected by that day, be they Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative, black or white. I will endeavor only to record my experience of the events that day, what I saw and what I felt.

One Man's Memory:

It started like any other day. I got up in the morning, ate breakfast, took a shower, and left for my first class of the day. It was an 8:00 class, CIS 272 if I remember correctly. I had it on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 8:00 until 9:15.

The timeline from 9:15 until 10:00 is a little fuzzy; it's a little hard to remember exactly how things went down for me. I'll write them here as best I can remember.

So, 9:15 comes, and the class ends. Unbeknownst to me, the fateful events of the day had already started. For me, though, it was to that point still a day like any other. Not having another class for a couple of hours that day, I headed over to the library to do a little reading. Probably took about five minutes to get there, so I reached the library around 9:20. I walked in, and remember seeing a CNN feed on the screen at the other end of the room (maybe sixty feet). That part of the library was often used by classes for video presentations, so I assumed that's what it was. I distinctly remember seeing "Washington" up on the screen, but I assumed it had something to do with politics, something for a political science class. Not having any clue what it was, I ignored it. The library had some magazine racks just in and right from the entrance (behind and to the right of the screen), so that's where I went for a few minutes. I looked at a couple of magazines, and then sat down for a few minutes. I could hear the CNN feed, but couldn't really make out what was being said. I found it a bit irritating, so after a few minutes I left the library. In the basement of the library there is a computer lab (it is not accessible from inside the library, though). Somewhere around 9:30 that's where I went. I sat down in front of a Mac, and proceeded to go online as I always do, to kill time. There were a couple of people talking, and I happened to overhear what they were saying. One mentioned that a pair of airplanes had hit the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. Upon hearing this, I headed over to Slashdot. There it was, as plain as day: World Trade Towers and Pentagon attacked. For a few moments, I read through a few comments. Next, I tried CNN.com and MSNBC.com, to no avail. Couldn't get through. So, back to Slashdot. I read through more comments. One very simple one stands out in my mind (don't have a link): "Bin Laden has gone too far this time." Don't know why, but I will probably always remember that comment.

Needless to say, after seeing the article on Slashdot, I realized what I had seen in the library upstairs. That was what was being shown on CNN. I decided to go back up to the library. This was a few minutes before 10:00.

I stood in front of the screen, horrified. I don't remember what was being covered during those first few minutes I was watching. The reality of it all was still setting in.

And then it happened. The South Tower fell. I was stunned. Completely and totally stunned. Watching the tower come down. It happened so fast, and yet it almost seemed to be in slow motion. I couldn't help thinking (as, no doubt, others couldn't), "This seems like a movie." It had that feel to it. It felt more like special effects than news.

For a few moments, I stared at the image of the North Tower, standing alone against the New York skyline. It was an odd scene. I began thinking, this is how its going to be tomorrow. A lone tower sticking up into the New York skyline. It seemed so surreal, the North Tower standing alone. An image I will never forget.

A few moments later, however, my thoughts shifted. Shifted to the reality of all the people who had been trapped in that building as it came down. People going to work. Policemen and firefighters trying to save lives. All the people in and around the building when it came down. They had no chance.

Shortly later, news started filtering in about the fourth plane in Pennsylvania. At first it was mostly rumor and speculation. Government buildings were being evacuated. The UN, State and Justice Departments, World Bank. There were rumors of a bomb going off in front of the Justice Department (which later proved to be untrue).

Then the North Tower fell. Both towers gone. Replaced by billowing towers of smoke and light debris. It was just so surreal watching as that building came down. Somehow more so than the South Tower. The Twin Towers were gone. A familiar part of the New York skyline for thirty years, gone in a matter of hours.

I remember the street level views that began to come in. Streets suddenly flooded with smoke and debris. Low angle shots of the planes coming in. Shots of the Pentagon burning. The fire spreading and raging out of control (at that point). So many horrible images. It was all so surreal.

For the next few hours, I stood in front of that screen, watching in horror and disbelief. New reports poured in. President Bush flew around the country. Rumors and speculation abounded.

Around 2:00, it was announced that the campus would close at 3:00. I decided to stick around for the hour, transfixed by the horror on the screen. Somehow, I couldn't peel myself away from it.

When 3:00 arrived, I left. I walked to my car in disbelief, the images from the morning flooding my mind. I got in my car, the radio tuned to 94.1, WHJY. For the day, the station was picking up CBS news (every TV and radio station ran news that day). I listened to Dan Rather for the next half hour.

When I got home, I immediately turned on the television. I talked with my mother for a few moments, about the morning and how because of it I was out of school early. I bounced around between different news stations, between CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, CBS, ABC, and NBC.

I watched the rest of the day, as buildings continued to fall down. I watched until about midnight. I couldn't take my eyes off the coverage. It was an odd combination, of shock, anger, and morbid curiosity (would another building fall?). I awoke in the middle of the night, and put the coverage back on for a few moments, before going back to sleep.

There was a thought that kept running through my mind that day. I knew a little bit about what had happened at Pearl Harbor, on December 7, 1941; but I never though I could understand the shock, the horror, and the anger that Americans felt on that day. Until September 11th. Suddenly, I understood. I can now understand what it must have felt like that day sixty-one years ago, when America learned of the Japanese attack. September 11th, in a way, was even more shocking: the whole country, and in fact the whole world, watched it on happen. I had watched, via the CNN feed, both the North and South towers fall. In 1941, Americans did not get the images of the attack until weeks later. But I could not help but feel a connection, between the shock and anger of the Pearl Harbor attack and the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks. I understood.