spoonyfork's Journal: What's in the box?!

I had a friend back in middle school that was an edgy risk taker. You know the friend, the one you were with when you tried a cigarette or liquor for the first time. They were probably the ones egging you on. Well, this friend devolved into a neurotic kleptomaniac by high school. After stealing stuff from most his friends we stopped hanging out. You grow up, stupid kid shit no longer seems important. Truthfully, I had forgotten about him. He was back in town 5 years ago and somehow got in touch with me. We had dinner and got caught up. He's married with kids working in software development for a Fortune 500 company. Blah blah blah. It was your typical year 2000 20something $200 sushi dotcom dinner bragfest.

Fast forward 5 years. I get this email from out of nowhere from him to my company email account which freaked me out. Then I remembered I probably gave him my business card in some sloppy meishi desu ceremony before the raw fish. Damn. However he got it, here's what he wrote:

I know this is going to sound weird but could you send me your mailing address? I have a package to snail mail to you.

I sat on it for a couple days. I really didn't want this person to have my address. I couldn't think of any possible reason that he might want to send me anything. What could he want to send me? My first thought was the awesome diving knife he stole that my now deceased grandfather gave me as child. That would be so awesome if he kept it for the last 15+ years and decided to give it back. Or perhaps it could be any of the other numerous things he pilfered.

I wrote to a mutual friend from back in the day who was surprised. I asked if my friend had gotten a similar letter. He said no, but wished he had because he too would like back some of things the thief stole. My friend suggested at best it was something valuable he stole back in the day or at worst a big box of bird flu.

Curiosity got the best of me so I emailed him my address. A week goes by. Then another week. I forgot all about it. Then one day there's a small package in my mailbox. Too small to be a bomb but certainly large enough to contain the diving knife! I opened it with glee. What slid out was a small black bible and a note. :|

It has been a long time. A lot has changed. A lot has stayed the same. Recently I have been looking over my life (call it an early mid life crisis) and I have found a few things that I want to address.

We were friends for a long time. I still am not sure what happened, all I know is that I was afraid of and mad at you for a long time. I want to apologize for that.

Not sure what happened? How about you stole shamelessly from your friends. Mad at me? For what, wanting my stuff back? The nerve of me.

I also am ashamed to admit that I stole from you. You had a few smoke grenades in your basement. I took a couple of them. It was foolish to do and there is no excuse. I apologize and ask for your forgiveness.

What!? Forget the 'nades, I want my damn knife back.

I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. In this package is a Bible. This is the original book about forgiveness and redemption. It tells of God's...

Blah blah blah it goes on for a whole long paragraph of typical formulaic christian evangelism including the classic John 3:16. Use your imagination for the rest.

Sigh. He must have done some bad things in his life to think I would care enough to read this crap. Maybe he cheated on his wife and got caught, found god, then part of his path to forgiveness was a formula letter that he had to send out to 10 people to "save". Wait, how the hell would he know whether I hadn't already found god myself? How arrogant. I told our mutual friend all about the package. His reaction was something like "oh great, you've got yourself a jesus freak stalker now. Don't give him my address."

Anyone else have any friends from their past that found a god and decided you needed to find one too?