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Journal leviramsey's Journal: Request for Advice & Comment (veganism & love) 10


It's been a while since I last posted. A rundown of what has happened in the interim is well beyond the scope of this JE.

I. Have. Fallen. Hard. For. This. Girl.

She's a coworker of mine (at least for now...). There's been one encounter outside of work which sorta-kinda evolved into a date (with me, the "first date" has always been somewhat nebulous... each of my previous relationships grew out of a friendship; thus by the time it progresses to a stage where it's undeniably a date, it seems kind of ludicrous to declare that landmark in time as a first date... in short, in matters of the heart, I'm an evolutionist, not a creationist [though with more than a little bit of intelligent design thrown in for good measure ;o) ]).

She's a vegan. My diet is, um, highly carnivorous. We're talking about there being no greater delicacy than a giant cheesesteak (be it Philly or New England style).

She's a member of PETA. She supports, at least at some level, at least one group branded by the powers that be as a terrorist group. In short, she's likely vegan for moral reasons above all else (a ubiquitous "Meat is murder" button on her jacket is possibly also evidence of this).

The conflict should be apparent.

It can't possibly work out, can it? Could you carry on a relationship with someone you view as at least an accessory after the fact to murder? Could you carry on a relationship with someone who would be delusional if they didn't view you as a murderer?

Now, I'm horrid at reading women (or people in general, for that matter), but she seems to be genuinely interested in me. I have no choice but to take her statement-in-passing that I'm the first non-vegan she's socially dined with in some time as some kind of honor: out of the 99-plus percent of the male population that's not vegan, she's at least considering me.

(For the record, I studiously ordered pasta primavera... while not vegan [yummy alfredo sauce], it's a rare meat-free meal for me.)

Given the shyness that breeds the friendship-first phenomenon (see above), I thus tend to evaluate LTR potential (note that this is not an expectation thereof but simply a contemplation there of) before jumping in. This fundamental issue is about the one unresolved one in my mind.

I'm never going to feel comfortable (nor, I suspect, will she) consuming meat in her presence (ovo-lacto type product could very well be acceptable; she herself consumed chocolate cake with whipped cream for dessert; I won't tell any of her vegan friends) nor in any way asking her to be a party thereof.

Can I be an ovo-lacto-vegetarian? A vegetarian/dietary vegan? A dietary vegan who shuns leather (but accepts, say, wool)? A full-on vegan?

Tried to amend my carnivorous habit
Made it nearly a pair of days
Cheeseburger at City Jake's
-- With apologies to Jimmy Buffett

From Saturday afternoon (I have forgotten when exactly I ate that stromboli) until noon today, I consumed no meat, sort of to see whether I could. There really wasn't anything planned about this... I have no doubt that my crash veg diet was horrible for me and that with enough research and so forth (or simply a knowledgeable vegan to cook for me... ;o) ), I would do much better.

I gotta run, so I'll post this rambling missive as is... post comments below.

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Request for Advice & Comment (veganism & love)

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  • Quit thinking "It may not work, so why even try?"
    Continue to date until it becomes a major problem in the relationship. By that time, you may be willing to give up meat (yeah, I don't think I could, either), or she may be willing to overlook your brutal murder of many, many tasty animals.

    Love is a strange thing, so let it work its magic and worry about it when the bridge is ready to be crossed...
  • she'll gladly let you eat whatever you want. You can cook vegan meals together, but when you're in a restaurant, she needs to let you eat that cheesesteak if you want.
  • Does that mean eggs are rape?
  • If you ask to be no further.

    I would say that a vegan and an omnivore can co-exist peacefully, but the fact that she supports PETA gives me cause for concern. A PETA vegan and an omnivore cannot coexist unless the latter pretends to be something that he is not. You could be a vegan around her, but then you are just putting up a facade, and hiding your true nature. Do you want to feel shame every time that secretly enjoy a nice juicy hamburger, looking over your shoulder the whole time? I

    • Yeah, the PETA thing concerns me more than the vegan thing. Because it means she's going to bitch at you (when she feels comfortable) about eating meat, and wearing meat, and walking on meat.

      PETA people in general are nutjobs. Specifically, there are a few who aren't, but it's a nice generality to have. I have reasons to say that, but I don't have the energy to get into it at the moment.
  • Let me first say welcome back! It's good to see you here again.

    Secondly, I would say that she should not try to change your dining habits any more than you should try to change yours. If she suggests you quit eating meat, suggest she try some rare prime rib with au jus (yum). I agree with others here that the PETA thing is more disturbing than the vegan thing in general. They can be pretty militant. If one truly believes "meat is murder", then I suppose that makes sense, really. All I can say is "If e

    • The gentleman from Arizona moves to have the first sentence of the second paragraph changed to: "Secondly, I would say that she should not try to change your dining habits any more than you should try to change HERS."

      Sorry about that... that certainly made me less clear.

Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags. -- Sidney Paternoster, "The Folly of the Wise"