blue trane's Journal: Dream

Dream last night, about being among the crackheads again. They have been resurfacing in my dreams lately. In this one, the parts I remember are: hanging out with Cali (the dealer, not the ho), asking him about raquel, getting the feeling that he didn't see it as a total impossibility that we would one day see each other again. Talking to him almost as an equal, it seemed. Then another part: Some guy (white) had just bought some heroin, and he was walking down a crowded street, with me near him (did I help him cop?) and some junkie crackwhore-type girls around us (not raquel though), and some straight business-type or tourist-type people coming up behind us; he was like i used to be, real anxious, and was trying to hit while walking, tying a rubber tourniquet around his upper right forearm, holding the end in his mouth, trying to find a vein in the crook of his arm, all the while walking, and me beside him looking around to see how close the straight people were, and worrying a bit and telling him he could wait. It was a different feeling than i usually have in my drug dreams: usually i'm the one wanting to hit immediately, not being able to wait; this time i was actually advising someone to wait. I felt almost like i was one of the druggies who hang out downtown and help you cop and then hang out with you maybe while you do a hit, and then you leave and they go back to their little social circle of fellow druggie hustlers. It almost seemed as if i was maturing as a drug user. I woke up feeling, would that help me in raquel's eyes any?

Probably not.