Now I accept spam. I hate it. But if I chose I could procmail a lot of it out. But why is it that every year companies that normally have a policy of treating my INBOX with respect feel the urge to flood me with their yule tide joy (and reminders that I can buy-buy-buy whatever it is they are moving). It just makes me sad.
Anyway, the point of this rambling. Tongiht I'm all happy 'cuz I'll get to watch some JB action. I've had a few stressful days, and I'm looking forward to a few relaxing ones before things get super hectic again, and watching Girls, Guns, and Spies seemed perfect. So I check TBSs website. First off their schedule is screwed up (404, file not found) second their 'James Bond' Movie page turns out to be blank. Very ameteurish. That bums me out. But then I notice in huge glaring letters 'Tonight on TBS' where they proclaim that tonight's James Bond movie is... Houston @ Phoenix!
Basketball! Its friggin 15 days of Bond and they're showing me basketball? What kind of conspiracy is this? I demand a refund for 1 of my days of Bond. I want to watch Dr. No or something on day 16 as a refund for them showing a freakin' basketball game during quality time that by all rights I should have spent with Sean Connery. Or at least Roger Moore.
Its a conspiracy I tell ya.
So what this really means is I need a new hat. I own a few hats, but I've realized that at age 23, the hats that I own fall into 3 catagories:
- Baseball hats loudly proclaiming tacky corporate logos. I have no problem with hats of this nature, but they tend to function more in the "Keep Sun out of Eyes" capacity then in the "Prevent Wind from Ripping large chunks of ear cartilidge off while temperature is antarctic".
- A red fedora. Ok, its a cool hat. It has significance. And I wear it during christmas. BUt if you wear a red hat at any other place besides a Linux convention or a christmas party, people think you're a fruit loop.
- Wool hats that feature convenient eye holes. This is of course the best winter hat of all time, however it bears with it the stigma of also making anyone within a 30 foot radius brace themselves for a "Stickup". Besides that, I don't ski. I don't engage in snow fights. And quite frankly it looks dumb.
So I do what I always do when it comes time for me to buy something: I turn to the internet. I shop. And shop. And after a pretty solid amount of time, I realize that I want a black leather fedora, but the statistical probability of me guessing the correct size of my own head. Hemos would say I have a big head, but I'm not sure that constitutes an accurate measurement for hat size. And I guess this is where the eCommerce buzzword collapses. I don't know how to measure my head any better than I know how to measure my own bra size. There are many variables: Head Shape (Oval? Circle? Wide?) and the actual circumfrence (measured in hecthairs of course).
I'm a college graduate, but I am positive that I am incapable of getting this right without help
At a store, I could either ask the surly teenage staffer manning the register to assist me and measure my head, or I could brute force the task by merely trying on hats until I find something that neither slides off during a light breeze, or sits so high on my head that people think it has religious significance.
Its gonna be a great day.
So the ad annoys me. But i understand and accept advertising as a necessary part of the television entertainment machine. Fine. I'm glad that advertising exists so I can get TV and not have to pay per show. I'm willing to have advertising appearing on my screen: just not annoying advertising. So here is my solution: rather than displaying 30 seconds of some retarted commercial, allow viewers optionally to simply get 30 seconds of quiet, and the company's logo. They get their publicity. We don't get annoyed. Everyone is happy.
I don't know if it will take internet TV, or a cool cable company, or an act of god to make this feasible, but lord it would be great. I wouldn't have to see the stupid Orange Juice "Pure Energy" ad, or anything advertising any sort of female hygiene product or anything. It would be great.
Bah who am I kidding. The television industry hates us. That would just be to nice.
Sometimes I look at the comments when they complain, but they're almost always stupid comments. And now they're angry because they wrote something stupid and lost some karma because of it. And its my fault someone didn't like it. And dammit, I better fix it right now!
Time to add a new filter into ye old procmail script: any message containing the word 'karma' should be forwarded to /dev/null. I have actual work to do sometimes. Or else I need a 'Karma Department' where burly men named 'Herb' can print out karma complaints and urinate on them for me. It wouldn't help anything, but it would make me feel better.
Maybe I'm just cranky. Maybe I need a day off. Karma is cool.
So I'm being sued by someone, but I don't know over "what". And their lawyer's caller ID lies. This is not a good day. Remind me never to work on a holiday.
1999 was looking to be even better: with the end of school, I now have student loan payments, crap from E*Trade, more insurance, Older family members wills, jobs with benefits, a few credit cards... and suddenly its august and the '1999' folder is twice as big as 1998 was at the end of its lifespan.
What this means is of course the dreaded "F" word: Filing. I've divided up my gigantic folder "1999" into a dozen nicely labeled folders with titles like "Checking Account" and "Credit Cards" and "Inusurance". For those who know me, this isn't that surprising: I'm fairly anal, but I think that my rats nest of personal documents was kinda my hold-out against the grown-up world.
I'm 23 now, and now my documents are pretty well organized. In fact, I'm considering moving them into a safe: Hemos's house burned down once: I know what a hassle losing all your shit can be. But the now I have this box that pretty much contains the paper trail of my existance in a dozen green hanging file folders.
When I walk out of my front door to go to the office, they are there yelling "Bang Bang Bang" and pointing invisible guns at me. We rushed them once, and now they've taken to playing ding-dong-digit every 5 minutes, and pressing their faces against the window on the front door every 10 minutes. Its a little bit disturbing. I think they're just jealous because we have more legos then they do.
The next step is of course computer access. Maybe a gnome panel applet. Or a CGI application (Control-Taco's-Lava-Lamps.com?). It's really all down hill from here. I mean, they sell security cameras. My receiver has a spare RCA video input just waiting. Soon I'll never need to leave my couch- I'll just sit in all my paranoid splendor in complete control of my environment eating corn chips [?] , drinking beer [?] and hacking perl [?] . Probably ought to wait until I get better bandwidth than 56k before I go ahead and donate my legs to science.