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Tim Burton To Remake "Planet Of The Apes" 305

Posted by Hemos from the dear-lord dept.
phydeaux2 writes " Yahoo! TV Coverage reports that the project to remake Planet of the Apes has gotten the green light. " Wow. I'm stunned. Tim Burton...and Planet of the Apes.
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Tim Burton To Remake "Planet Of The Apes" More

Tim Burton To Remake "Planet Of The Apes"

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  • Mr. Heston FOUGHT for Civil Rights (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Mr. Heston actually marched with Dr. King for civil rights.

    Your lack of knowledge is easily assumed though through your sarcastic assumption that someone who believes in his Second Amendment rights is automtically a racist or a hillbilly or a gay basher.

    For the record, gun control in this century started in Nazi Germany and Mussolini's Facist Italy.

    So how is it that Mr. Heston is a nazi?

    jsmith@ixlmemphis.com

  • charlton heston comes full cirle (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Charlton Heston, circa "Planet of the Apes":

    You damned dirty apes!

    Charlton Heston, today:

    You damned dirty negroes! (Also, I like guns!)
  • No, no, no. That's the remake of The Grapes of Wraith. Get your rumours straight.
  • Come on, Burton hasn't done a "dark" film in a while. All he does now are quirky Tim Burton flicks. Granted, he's still amazing when it comes to visuals, but he seems to have completely lost any respect for the stories he's supposed to be telling. (Sleepy Hollow, anyone?)

  • Hell, the only movie I can think of offhand that has a really cool ending is Star Wars. Even after 16 years of avoiding the film, when I saw it, I was suprised.

    Really?? Did you see some alternate director's cut of Star Wars where the corny hero didn't prevail against the odds and miraculously destroy the Death Star mere seconds before it came into firing range of the rebel base? 'Cos that's what happened at the end of the version of Star Wars that I saw, and I wasn't surprised a bit.

  • I'm not kidding. If you believe the rumors that have been floating about it for ages. :)
    Also, he'd better _not_ cast Johnny Depp in this on too.
  • Granted, I think they've been trying for a Superman remake for years with, of all people, Nick Cage. blech. One of the coolest things about the origninal was the costuming (great for it's day), and Roddy McDowell. I mean, I knew he'd landed on a future Earth, I knew they'd nuke the place, et al. Still, not a bad movie.

    Maybe Burton will handle it well.
  • Right. In the original book story, the human animals wore no clothes. After all, the only time you see an animal with clothes is when we choose to dress them up, like the chimp movie parodies, or when some lady puts a sweater on her dog.

    Animals don't care about clothes, and neither did the humans on the Ape planet, which, by the way, really was a different planet than Earth. Also, there was no confusion about the astronaut being a local animal. He wore clothes and he could speak.
  • Isn't it strange that that episode was aired only a couple of days ago?
  • I mean, it's not like they're true is it? One day, they'll realise that and convert to the One True Faith, like so many others have so far.

    So you're Muslim?

  • The Thomas Crown Affair

  • But why remake a near-perfect film ???

    Will they remake E.T. in 20 years then ??

    --
    Why pay for drugs when you can get Linux for free ?

  • Bummer... I was really looking forward to the
    previously rumoured Oliver Stone project...
    Now that would have been something ;)
  • hrm, that was left field. Or maybe I am a newless cluebee?

  • "(more recently, Viet Nam defeated us through smart tactics, perseverance, outside help and America lacking freedom of movement; Afghanistan defeated the USSR similarly; and it took two atomic bombs, which were new at the time, to keep Japan from doing this to the US in WWII)"

    A 1946 US Gov't military commission concluded that the atom bombs were not strategically necessary, and that Japan had been prepared to surrender as early as June of 1945. A Tokyo meeting of 20 June solidified the decision to end to war; the only thing left to do was finish the paperwork and agree to details. Most important to the Japanese: they did not want the emperor to be deposed; he needed to remain if only symbolically.

    We said "maybe", dropped the bombs, and then said "ok"; the emperor remains to this day. More likely, we dropped the bombs to coincide with the USSR's entry into the war on August 8 (first bomb on Aug. 6, second on Aug. 9), since we were already encountering problems in jointly occupying Germany and Austria with them in the west. The bombs had the desired effect: the Soviets never got the zone of occupation they sought in Japan (although they did get 1/2 of Korea).

    A few books have been written on this subject; the best is "The Decision to use the Atomic Bomb" [amazon.com].

    --Philip

  • I know this is slighty off-topic, but for all the PotA fans out there: have you seen the posters made by poster artist Alan Forbes? Check out some of these beauties:

    Human, you're next! [sfal.com]
    Fu Manchu [sfal.com]

    Check out the lower-left hand corner of the Human poster, it's Charleston Heston himself!
    Alan has other posters with the PotA theme. I have the Fu Manchu poster in my bedroom, very sweet.

    --Ivan, weenie NT4 user: bite me!

  • > The other problem is that it has one of the most famous surprise endings ever.

    If you were a complete fucking moron.

    K.
    -
  • Unless you have a baseball bat handy.
  • Alright, I'm a big fan of the 'Apes.' Have been for a loooong time. I'm sure the re-make will be good, but....

    IT'S STILL ANOTHER F@#%^NG HOLLYWOOD REMAKE!!!

    Today's media, by and large, is so un-original and copycat it's pathetic. Does POTA *need* to be re-made? No. Do we need anymore dumbass films based off of dumbass 60's/70's TV shows? No. Anymore dumbass Disney cartoon musicals / merchandising machines? No.

    What we need is some go#@$mned creativity and imagination coming to a theater near you and me.

    I saw another story about the possibility of a 'snowcrash' film. Cool. I think I'll go check that out. At least that hasn't been done before. Ditto for the Lord of the Rings films in progress (No a dopey cartoon version doesn't count.)

    If art mirrors society then we all must be a lot of monkey-see-monkey-do idiotic zombies. If society mirrors art then we're headed that way quick.

    How about
  • OK whatever.
    Step into the wayback machine with me Sherman, and lets look at what it might've been seen as ~30 years ago.

    Gorillas - The military/police/strongarm authority. It light of 'nam and incidents like Kent State, think about it.

    The O-tangs - The 'establishment' i.e. government and religion, all wrapped up in one oppressing ruling caste. Unwilling to look at the facts in front of them and see what's there because it'd ruin their power.

    And the Chimps - arguably the smartest of the primates, the 'free thinkers' and scientists of the 'ape-world.' Open minded and willing to go out on the limb to change things.

    While yes, it could be considered quite liberal, get off the 'race' wagon already. Context, man.

  • I suppose you'll want my polystyrene nose too!
  • Ah, anti-semitism! I want to be on the television!
  • Cut! Print it! Brilliant!
  • hmm..either you have never seen the orignal Planet Of The Apes (I can't speak for the sequels) or you just didn't get it. It is an anti-nuke movie...nothing in it indicated any "liberal, animal-loving socialist propaganda about the evils of capitalism in our economy". You're just pissed cause they didn't ask you to direct it. :)
  • I should have guessed...it's our favorite lurker, Billy G. from Micro$quish. How're you doing Bill? Y'know, I can understand why you think that we're all a bunch of Socialist Linux Zealots....I mean, if this were a real socialist society, you wouldn't have all that $$ coming outta your butt. But since when did you become a spokesperson for the Christian Coalition? You're still missing the point of the movie AND the fact that this is "science fiction." It's meant to be entertaining and thought provoking at the same time. But, that's something you'd like us NOT to do...think for ourselves. It takes the control out of your hands and squarely places it in our OWN hands. Listen, you need to just relax and take it as another frivolous piece of Hollywood entertainment kinda like "Last Temptation of Christ" was. Well, it's been swell chatting with you. Take it easy. Hugs and kisses to the wife & kid. :)
  • I hated Mars Attacks. The entire thing was stupid and extremely non-funny. The only halfway decent parts were the Jack Nicholson bits ("We still have 2 of the 3 branches of government. And that ain't bad!")

    In fact, the only reasons I even finished watching it were

    1) To see how far they would push the obvious Attack of the Killer Tomato ripoffs
    2) Just so I could say I had watched the whole thing
    --
  • I considered that, but I'd expect it to confuse people who don't know what bonobos are or what their society is like. They would be the perfect ancestor of the scientist caste, however, very much like those of the original movie, though a bit more promiscious.
  • my link is not missing a '/' in the closing a tag, and hence, works in any cocked-up semi-brain-dead POS browser I may have the goddamn pished-up misfortune in my pathetic hosed pitiful shitass little life at $x moment in time. hence, my link doesn't dangle open screaming look the fuck at me, i'm 3133t h4x0r d00d with b0tch3d 4ich t33 3m 311 in my miserable lameass post!!!11!1!!!!!111!.

    wanker.

    (btw, is extrans working? I previewed the above in extrans first and my bold tags were coming through unparsed...)

  • . . . from chimpan-a to chimpan-zee.
  • Let's look forward to yet another shallow, plotless extravaganza, with some mildly interesting visuals. How about some apes singing Day-O? Apes doing head transplants between humans and dogs? BatApe? An ape with scissors for hands?
  • tell me they aren't going to use CGI apes. Vision of Jar Jar dance in mind mind!

    Run away! Run away!
  • According to the article Mars Attacks was "ill recieved" -- by who exactly? I don't know anyone who didn't love it (although that's probably not a good judge of films;) I suspect it's popular on /. due to Natalie Portman being in it.

    Oh btw, Planet of the Apes is listed as having been on the imdb since last April!
    --

  • Oops, screwed up that link, never mind, a previous poster go there first (damned slow connection!)

    OBOT: I think Tim Burton's a good choice for director, since he understands cheesy (His Hero-worship biopic of Ed Wood, and of course most of Mars Attacks, although it was out-cheesed by the awful Independance Day)
    --

  • "science"??? What the hell is this supposed to imply? I suppose the sum of all knowledge is contained in your bible?

    Wake up!!! The earth revolves around the sun... the earth is round... atoms exist...
  • Congratulations! Your post has been selected for a Monkey Moderation!

    Due to this post, a monkey dressed in a gorilla costume was tossed into the lion exhibit at the world famous San Diego Zoo. The gorilla costume seemed to make the lions nervous for a couple of minutes; However, the lions must have detected the scent of the monkey underneath, as it was quickly killed and eaten before animal handlers arrived to save it.

    LouZiffer

  • There is nothing on the front page of Variety. I don't have an account -- there could be a story in there.
  • The search button is tiny with no form... but it turns up a story lead-in about the remake.
  • I've got a good line on the new surprise ending.

    The astronaut, with the name of Stan, and his ape friend Kyle, ride up a beach on horseback and see the shattered Statue of Liberty.

    Stan: "You've killed western civilization".

    Kyle: "You bastards!"

    George
  • Hello! Genius! They were wearing Level IIIA body armor from head to toe! They were actually shot several times by the police but the bullets didn't penetrate.

    When you're using hollow points designed to drop suspects from blood loss quickly from expansion and you shoot body armor that stops bullets by spreading out the energy, a bullet that expands rapidly over a wide area is going to have little to no effect (aside from some sore ribs). That's why the police needed bigger weapons. So the bullets would penetrate Kevlar. It had nothing to do with range and everything to do with the types and calibers of bullets. Remember, a 9mm is actually a rather low powered round.

  • You maniacs!! You blew it up!!!

    (-1 terrible pun)
  • Maybe we can combine the two?

    "The Apes of Hazzard"

    Just two good ol' apes..
    Never meanin' no harm
    Beats all the humans down, smacks'em to the ground
    since the day they was born
  • Okay...

    I'm just going to get down to what really bugs me about your posting.

    I didn't mind your first post. It's been awhile since I've seen Planet of the Apes, and I didn't remember any racist connotations, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Sure... it's possible.

    After that though, when some people responded that they didn't think that the movie was refering to black people as apes. You replied inferring that they said it's okay to call black people apes in the right context (when really they said nothing of the kind).

    The next guy said "Nobody's calling black people apes". He was clearly talking about the movie and not society, which you accused him of.

    You accused me of being willfully stupid and not displaying a comment that you made how you meant it. Well you have been doing this since the start of this discussion. You are creating arguments and disagreements out of nothing.

    I have no doubt that there is racism. I do, however, doubt that this movie was created with racist intentions.

    That's all I have to say.

  • Re:Hmmm (Score:1)

    by ODiV ( 51631 )
    Hollywood often does remakes. It's not just a recent trend. These remakes are sometimes better than the original too.

    It's like saying, "Well, Linux has already been coded. We have to start from scratch."

    It's refreshing that the movie world can admit that their movies aren't perfect, and that some would benefit from a remake. Sometimes a remake is done to show respect and to renew the original. Look at Scarface.
  • Is Ron Perlman gonna be in this? he should since, well, he doesn't need any makeup to do an ape role. Proof: Alien 4: Resurrection
  • Yeah, OK, that'd be cool... but he's dead Jim.
  • Hah. I remember pissing off my mother when we watched the tapes at my grandmother's place (neither of us had seen it) by predicting the plot of most of the movie at least 30 seconds in advance.
  • She'll have to wear that "primitive bikini" outfit through the whole film, and won't have to say a word! Nova can't say anything, except maybe something like "bleeeggggghhh!", so I'm sure Britney can handle it.
  • ...did you see all the funny monkies? They was talking.
  • Of Course, Paul Reubens is the natural choice for Taylor.

    For music: None other than Danny Elfman!

    Imagine the human hunt scene with PWBA music -

    daaa daaa daaa daaa
    dadadada daa
    dadadada
    dadadada
    daaa daaa daaa daaaa

    AAAAAHHH! MR. MONKEY!!!!!

    (there, I now remove the music from my head and download it to someone else's, whosoever may read this!)

    Imagine:

    In the courtroom scene:

    "I know you're a monkey, but what am I?"


  • 4 girls, a freezer full of sperm and a turkey baster

    ...right after an all new episode of Frasier, Thursday on NBC, MustSeeTV!

    k.

  • And this announcement comes right in time to boost PotA awareness for The Magic Smoking Monkey Theatre's April 5 auditions for Planet of the Apes - Live! I've read the script, and, boy, is this one gonna be a doozy. So, any Midwest-based Planet of the Apes fans, get yourself to St. Louis in May for this rare opportunity.

  • "Get your stinking hands off me you damn dirty ape!!!!"

  • It's the Wrong Time. Socialogically, environmentally, economically, and a bunch of 'allies' I can't even think of.

    Besides, the media isn't appropriate anymore. Back when the orignal was made, people were not as 'sophisticated' about what they put in their brains for entertainment. If they had been, Planet of the Apes wouldn't have had two dozen sequels.

    Oh wait! I see! Maybe the idea is to remake the whole series (and the TV show)! What a nice steady revenue stream! #NOT# #;^)
  • I loved Planet of the Apes. I am very excited to see this new flick. I wonder if they are going to use the old costumes.
  • Nick Cage as Superman?? Really? You're kidding, right. That would be like casting Courtney Love as the Virgin Mary.
  • Sure,you can hang with the Subgenii for free,"Bobby",but if you havent sent in your $30
    youre still "pink"to Bob.
    You think Stang can afford to give ordainment kits
    to every drooling Bobby that wants one?
    $30(not much more than a linux book and discs)for
    eternal salvation.How much more do other religions
    hit you up for?Do they let you create new dogma?
    $30 lets you use and abuse all subgenius resources for your own profit and sensual pleasure.
    Better to pay $30 to Bob for "The Divine Excuse"than to spend X-Day on The Planet Of The Pinks.

  • damn dirty anonymous coward,get your facts straight.
    may you die,desperatly needing a gun on a
    planet of liberal democrats.

  • Taylor: (sings) You really made a monkey out of me!
    Chorus of apes: Yes, we really made a monkey out of ...

    (Big Finish!)
    Taylor / Chorus: ...me / you!
  • I am looking forward to this film. I like Tim Burton's style and am interested in seeing how he approaches this story. As much as I loathe Charlton Heston, "Planet of the Apes" is still a pretty cool movie. The Sci Fi channel played it over the Christmas holiday... watching it made me feel like an 8 yr old kid again. ;-)
  • Isn't it strange that that episode was aired only a couple of days ago?

    Not really that strange, considering that there are about five episodes on per day! =)
  • Oingo Boingo!

    Danny Elfman is best known for the Simpson's theme music, and the music from just about every Tim Burton film, and several others. Also, the voice of Jack Skelton in "Nightmare before Christmas"

    If Elfman does the music, then the PotA remake cannot suck.

  • Whatdayya mean the sixth android's name is Johnny 5?

    Well it's obvious it was programmed in C.

  • the most obvious ending of all time was Titanic.

  • I'd imagine it's because most of them don't have anybody sitting near them at all :) Seriously though, I used to be best friends with a coloured bloke called Ishmael and plenty of people I know are black. But then again from my experiance it's not nearly as bad over here in London as it is in America from what I see and read, as I'm sure you'd agree. Of course, that is somewhat of a generalisation. Comments are always welcome...

  • God I miss Bloom County.

    *sniff*

    Witch Doctor

    This is my cubicle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

  • I am as great an appreciator of trolls as anyone. But it has become quite clear to me that the general level of trolling on slashdot, even as practiced by some of the trolling 'greats' such as jsm and 80md, has truly suffered.

    An all-too-typical example is this article: by any and all measures, the trolling threads are pathetic. This racism troll felt forced and uninspired from the beginning, but as it went on, it felt more and more like the artist was pulling teeth. But even worse is the horrendously cliched "liberal propaganda" thread (which quickly devolves into yet another bland and ignored religious zealotry troll, but that may be another's hand).

    A good troll must flow naturally. A good troll is marked by vivid and consistent characterization. The delivery should be marked by a hidden grace and artistry. There is nothing wrong with the tried and true personas, but lately trolling has been stuck in a rut of unoriginality and unbelievable pointless tirades that a moron could see through.

    And finally, a growing number of trolls seem to feel the need to justify their work as encouraging some kind of moralistic introspection. Spiritual growth is certainly laudable, but as a driving motive it misses the whole point of trolling: to have fun. It's all very well to work an ethical bonus into a troll, but don't put the cart before the horse!

    Sorry to trouble you all. I'm just saddened to see the ultimate decadence and trivialisation of trolling, the best part of slashdot.

    Cheers.

  • "Oh shit. There goes the planet."

  • Astroboy? (Score:2)

    by acb ( 2797 )
    Wasn't Tim Burton going to direct the live-action Astroboy film? Will this be delayed or will it be directed by someone else?
  • Wow, you're really trolling today, huh.

    First off, the rights in the Bill of Rights aren't granted by the government - they're merely acknowledged. These are rights which are deemed to be inherent just by virtue of being a person. Nor is it a comprehensive list of rights. Sadly, they are often infringed upon, but no matter how common oppression might be, that's never an excuse for it.

    Furthermore, much of the point of the 2nd amendment (along with virtually all of the rest of the Bill of Rights) is to ensure that an oppressive government can't assume power. The spark that finally ignited the Revolutionary War was an attempt by the British military to sieze a cache of weapons stored at Concord, MA. In that war, a very disorganized coalition of guerrillas with some outside assistance managed to take down one of the stronger militaries at that time. This was very much in the minds of the framers of the Constitution, given as how they had just lived through it.

    The 2nd amendment is (imho) the ultimate check on the government. If it ever becomes sufficiently oppressive (remember that the 18th century American revolutionaries represented a minority of the population - many people were neutral, played both sides, or were loyal to England) it is no longer a legitimate government. It then deserves to be overthrown.

    While it's absurd to think that lots of small arms are enough to achieve this, in the sorry event that it becomes necessary, when combined with guerrilla tactics and as much of the military as respects the Constitution and the people above any particular illegal order or commander, there may be a fighting chance. After all, the government can't afford to kill everyone - who would support their needs?

    (more recently, Viet Nam defeated us through smart tactics, perseverance, outside help and America lacking freedom of movement; Afghanistan defeated the USSR similarly; and it took two atomic bombs, which were new at the time, to keep Japan from doing this to the US in WWII)

    While not every other country operates under this principle (China used to have periodic rebellions whenever it was time for a new dynasty to assume power and that's pretty similar), we're hardly the only country where arms are commonplace. Switzerland and Israel come to mind immediately.

    But I don't think that anyone seriously believes that people hunt with assault rifles. You get assault rifles because you're worried that one day you won't be able to get assault rifles, but that you'll need them.

    As for Columbine - you did know that their original plan was to set off a propane bomb and kill a very large amount of people right away? Substitute propane for black powder and it's still within the realm of possibility for 18th century wackos to get about the same effect. Do you propose to make propane illegal too?

    Civilians don't need the big big guns under normal circumstances, I'll grant. But the only circumstances when they are necessary are the exact ones where they're impossible to get. Me, I have too little confidence in people to assume that the government would run legitimately in the absence of a check and balance system. So I'll pile on all the checks and balances I can get, thanks.

  • Hurry! (Score:2)

    by Chas ( 5144 )
    We've only got a short time!

    Everyone get into your apesuits!

    Oh. Wait. We did that already...

    Never mind.


    Chas - The one, the only.
    THANK GOD!!!
  • than having to go through all that tedious "having an original idea" stuff.
    --
  • If Charlton Heston plays Taylor again, I'd LOVE to see this line of dialogue:

    Dr. Zaius: Ridiculous, Taylor! Guns don't kill humans, APES kill humans!
    --
  • Is Planet a true Marxist critique of colonial extremism, or a hyperreal rationalization of Malthusian diametrics?

    I have no idea what you're talking about, but I recommend you submit your letter to the editors of Social Text.
  • The problem with Burton is that he can't direct action sequences out of a paper bag.

    In my opinion, Sleepy Hollow's fight/action sequences were choppy, though better than earlier works such as Batman or Beetlejuice.

    Burton is good on visuals, especially those dark, neo-gothic celluloid moments. But I hope he farms out the action sequences, maybe to David Fincher, who did an awesome job with Fight Club.

  • Sure, just make sure Winona (drooool...) is in it, and I'm there!


    note: this post contains gratuitous references to Natalie Portman

    Pope
  • What the hell is wrong with Hollywood!? I am so sick and tired of remakes and obvious derivitives. It's so pathetic. Hollywood is drowning in cash and talent and they can't come up with an original screenplay once in a while? Good God, there must be a million hacks out there typing a way like gangbusters and they're going to remake Planet of the Apes?

    Why? WHY?!

    What, the original wasn't good enough?

    I say if you liked the original, boycott the remake. Tell Hollywood you've had enough.Don't waste your hard earned money on something you've already seen, and probably won't be as good as the original anyway.(Seriously, name a remake that was as good or better than the original. Hell name a movie version of a TV show that was better than the original.)
  • Is TMBG gonna be on the soundtrack? They have a song for every Planet of the Apes movie ever made... If you wanna hear em, they are the "hidden" tracks on their live album, Severe Tire Damage. My personal fav is "Escape from the Planet of the Apes." Awww yeah.

    Eric
  • It should be noted that the original Planete des Singes of Pierre Boulle in French featured a huge amount of nudity, and the star character experiences a lot of it at close quarters. Will the remake follow the book accurately? If so, it will not be able to be screened in the USA -- only France!
  • Maybe he can get Charleston Heston for this one, too...

  • Again, somewhat offtopic, but I'm originally from Welling, just down the road :) And my friend lived just a few houses down from the bus stop Stephan Lawrence was murdered at, and at least some of them definitely did it, because she knew a lot of the same people as them. But that'll never be proven now in a criminal court unfortunately.

  • hey man, this is simply not a joking matter. i refuse to live in a house without stairs for fear of the daleks.
  • This is a point which has bothered me for some time. Is Planet a true Marxist critique of colonial extremism, or a hyperreal rationalization of Malthusian diametrics? In this case, rather than examining Planet qua planet, it is more helpful to consider it a later parable with the confluence of pure Boltzmannian counting on the human spectrum. In this perception, the apes themselves other the ultimately deracinated Taylor (Charleton Heston), even as he others the "Planet" itself. Taylor becomes nothing more than a Maxwell's demon, taken together with the implied conflict(s) of so-called pure information. This false conflict is not resolved, but exists for itself with the proper metrics of entropy and free energy. This is shown most clearly in the movie when the doll accuses with the voices of the dead, and the Statue with none at all, belying the paradox inherent in his notion of free will. In the final scene, Taylor has at last subsumed accusation beyond the "real" world, showing allegorically that he intrinsically and unavoidably personalizes the reality of and for himself, as must all free beings. And indeed, this is both the first, and last, stern message of "Liberty" herself.
  • Right. Planet Of The Apes had practically NO racist agenda that I have ever seen (The worst offender here tends to be the earlier Disney movies, where every character is whiter than white, except the bad guys/comic relief). The whole central tragedy of the series (to me, at least)is that the apes were doomed to repeat the failure of their human predecessors by either deliberately or unwittingly adopting the worst aspects of human culture (Censorship and denial to promote the advancement of the few, usually those already in power, and blatant cronyism keeping it there). As you can see, from this viewpoint, the film still has relevance today, except the power in the real world has shifted from governments to multi-bilion dollar corporations. Not only that, but the original Apes movies packaged it in a way that children could understand, and I think, as the future of our species, they have a right to know things.

    Now, back to the 'geeks are naturally racist' comment. I am a geek. Possibly a nerd. I am also originally from Bexleyheath, in the south-east of England. For those who don't keep up on race issues internationally, not least have never heard of the horrible little town (not saying you should, just a bit of background info here), a few miles away, in Eltham, a black teenager was stabbed, by at least five white thugs. He was waiting at a bus stop on the road I walked down to get home from school. I have always been liberal, and vehemently anti-racist, but I made a point of joining every organisation I could to prevent this crap from happening again, against the 'advice' of the many bigots who live around the area. I signed up with the Anti-Nazi League, made donations out of the £20 I got a week for working on a flower stall, went on marches, the lot. Now, I'm not going for sainthood here, and I can't deny a level of ingrained prejudice against some groups, but I do my best to confront and destroy them, with the mantra that being a dickhead is not restricted to any colour, creed, caste or religion. I am prejudiced, yes, against violent people, bigoted people, and those who make others' lives a misery, but I am by no means racist, and, to tar geeks with a brush like that is either flamebait, in which case this rant was completely unnecessary, and should be moderated into a quasar, or one of the nastiest, most ill-informed assumptions I have ever seen.

    For what it's worth, it will be interesting to see what Burton does with '...Apes'. It would be cool to see a darker, slower-paced side to the tale.

    Sorry for the rant, but I do find ill-informed bigotry inexcusable, as it's a crime I perpetrate far too often.

  • I thought so. At the bottom of it, a worthless, gutless, halfwit coward. Go find a clue, and some balls to go with it.
  • Yeah, not much of a contingency plan when there's only one female and she gets the bad freezer. Duh.

    Not to mention the fact that females reproduce serially, while males can reproduce in parallel. Serious performance bottleneck, even if she'd survived.

  • I truly beg to differ - I found Edward Scissorhands, The Nighmare Before Christmas, and especially Ed Wood were all strongly visual yet fundamentally story/theme driven.

    I haven't yet seen Ed Wood (and I've been meaning to forever), but I thought both the other films meandered quite a bit. And I'd certainly say they were fundamentally visual. Though I liked them, mind you, story and all, and I hope I'm not appearing too harsh.

    We'll probably just have to agree to disagree here. I've always been struck with Burton's talent, but his movies never seem, to me, really polished, never quite perfect. I think he could really use an editor. I think the right team could take Burton's films to the next level... greatness. Sort of like what George Martin and Phil Spector did (IMHO) for the Beatles.

    Actually, you know an author whose work would be perfect for Burton to adapt? E.T.A. Hoffmann. Nutcracker and the King of Mice - the original, not the silly opera - would be a great Burton project. Dark, weird, somewhat offbalance itself, but compelling, and intensely visual.

  • How about "Planet of the Prosimians"? A society composed of Pottos, Bush-Babies, Tarsiers, Lemurs, Cifaks, Lemurs, Aye-ayes, Lorises...

    Zira: You wouldn't hurt me, would you Taylor?

    Taylor: *squish*

  • Hey, I found the script of the original [xoom.com] online!
  • Tim Burton will, I think, be making a completely different film. It may have the same story roughly, but given his approach to past films (namely the Batmans he directed, and more recently Sleepy Hollow), it will probably be a lot darker than the original, which was in the main quite a bright and at least fairly cheery film despite the subject matter and the ending.

    Be prepared for the Apes to profess an interest in darkened dungeons and torture chambers...

  • Re:charlton heston comes full cirle (Score:3)

    by Mullen ( 14656 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @08:14AM (#1180926)
    No, today he would say that if the Black guy who got his brain cut out in the movie, had a gun those Apes would have not messed with him.

    Or if his character would have had his 2nd Admendment rights, he would have not been captured in the first place.

    And last, but not least. If the humans in the movie had legel access to guns, they would not be oppressed by the Apes.

    But lets not forget the tyranny of Ape government would have been kept in check by the people if they were NRA members!

  • Re:Not exactly a remake... (Score:3)

    by Monte ( 48723 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @03:25AM (#1180927)
    The nuclear annihilation of the world as we know it was bright? The vivisection and stuffing of intelligent human beings was cheery?

    When done by Kim Novak in a monkey costume, yes.

  • Where's the 'bullshit' moderation option? (Score:3)

    by ODiV ( 51631 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @07:10AM (#1180928)
    What I'm really concerned with is your claim that computer geeks are one of the most racist groups in society because they don't meet any black people.

    What about the computer geeks that are black people? They must have a hard time dealing with their ancestry versus their hatred of black people. (I'm being sarcastic)

    Or are you suggesting that black people can't be computer geeks? If this is the case, I'd have to wonder just who the racist is.

    I happen to believe that computer geeks don't care much about race. So maybe I'm a little idealistic. When we meet and discuss here on /. we don't ask what someone's ancestry is before we support or denounce their position. We judge people soley on their intelligence, accuracy, and writing skills.

    That's just my take on things.

    Just an aside: Maybe I'm in the wrong generation or country, but I have never heard of ape used to describe black people (I'm not doubting that this happenes, I've just never heard of it before).

    About this whole Planet of the Apes thing: I happen to like Tim Burton. I will definately re-watch some of his films for hints of racism though.

  • Original story is much darker ... (Score:3)

    by threaded ( 89367 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @04:00AM (#1180929) Homepage
    Tim Burton usually does the stories much darker. If you read the original book (it's in French ho hum) it is very dark. The apes are much much further advanced than the humans, not so much the humans de-evolved as were overtaken.
  • This has dropped through so many hands so far. Glad to see Burton was able to get a hold of it.

    Here's a story about how James Cameron was going to do it. [eonline.com]
    That article also mentions how Oliver Stone had been named as a possible director and Arnold Swarzanegger as the lead role. Now that Burton appears to be in charge, I would be very surprised if the Terminator was sent to dispatch all those damn hairy apes with a mini gun.

  • Re:Hmmm (Score:3)

    by Nastard ( 124180 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @04:29AM (#1180931)
    The story of Sleepy Hollow has been told before. I'm sure we all knew how Batman was going to end. Hell, the only movie I can think of offhand that has a really cool ending is Star Wars. Even after 16 years of avoiding the film, when I saw it, I was suprised. Even though I knew a few key points, just from pop-culture references.

    The point is, not all movies are made because they have a suprise ending. We all know the guy usually gets the girl, and the hero never dies. It's the films that mean something that matter. Films that touched us. Made us laugh. Made us cry. The classics. Remaking classics has always been a bit of a challenge for well-known directors. And it's always interesting to see the story from another point of view.

    I think a Burton putting a spin on this one just might be enough to make me cough up 7 bucks.

    Never mind the fact that he allowed the Batman franchise to be ruined and screwed over Kevin Smith

  • Burton? (Score:4)

    by unitron ( 5733 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @03:35AM (#1180932) Homepage Journal
    "Get your scissorhands off me, you damn dirty stinking ape!"

  • But will it be accurate? (Score:4)

    by 0xdeadbeef ( 28836 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @04:43AM (#1180933) Homepage Journal
    Planet of the Apes made use of popular preconceptions of the great apes that are wrong.

    Gorillas are docile herbavores. Chimpanzees are intelligent, but violent and warring. Orangatans are solitary. It would be a far more interesting movie if the ape society is extrapolated from the real dispositions of the apes.

  • Burton... hmm... (Score:4)

    by Skald ( 140034 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @03:13AM (#1180934)
    I have to say, I have my doubts about Tim Burton and this film. He's one of those visual guys - almost strictly visual - and Planet of the Apes is very much story-driven.

    It wasn't really a movie which depended on creating an atmosphere; it was more cerebral than that. It was loudly metaphorical, and Taylor was more a abstraction than a character. He was Man. Or rather a facet of Man, distilled in such a way as to promote the writer's point. It was meant to be disturbing.

    And I just have a hunch Burton's going to miss a lot of that. Without replacing it with another metaphor, either. Burton's films lack discipline and direction. That can be okay if you're trying for a simple visual experience, but Planet of the Apes seems a poor choice for that.

    But then, I thing Lucas has similar problems (and talents), and I disliked The Phantom Menace for similar reasons... your mileage may vary. :-)

  • Confirmation, http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 (Score:4)

    by J-Tempte ( 152754 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @02:57AM (#1180935)
    checkout
    http://us.imdb.com/Title?0133152 [imdb.com]
    J-Tempte

  • I want Troy McClure to star! (Score:5)

    by cluke ( 30394 ) on Thursday March 23, 2000 @02:54AM (#1180936)
    .. in a musical version!

    Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
    I love you Dr. Zaius!

    One of the funniest things I've ever seen.

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