Lol, yeah, except now it's giving me all the fortunes at once. Talk about schizophrenic!
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. % Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. % Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances. % Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. -- Ashleigh Brilliant % Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. % Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week. % Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life. % What happened last night can happen again. % While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack. % Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply. % You are a bundle of energy, always on the go. % You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here. % You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are. % You are always busy. % You are as I am with You. % You are capable of planning your future. % You are confused; but this is your normal state. % You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances. % You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the department of transportation. % You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend. % You are fairminded, just and loving. % You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend. % You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way. % You are going to have a new love affair. % You are magnetic in your bearing. % You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports. % You are number 6! Who is number one? % You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. % You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends. % You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person. % You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep. % You are standing on my toes. % You are taking yourself far too seriously. % You are the only person to ever get this message. % You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash. % You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity. % You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. % You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt is concerned. % You can rent this space for only $5 a week. % You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body. % You definitely intend to start living sometime soon. % You dialed 5483. % You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. % You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one. % You enjoy the company of other people. % You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to. % You fill a much-needed gap. % You get along very well with everyone except animals and people. % You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind. % You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music. % You have a deep interest in all that is artistic. % You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy. A pity that it's totally undeserved. % You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex. % You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex. % You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. % You have a truly strong individuality. % You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact. % You have an ability to sense and know higher truth. % You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself. % You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly. % You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down. % You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships. % You have been selected for a secret mission. % You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy. % You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. % You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. % You have many friends and very few living enemies. % You have no real enemies. % You have taken yourself too seriously. % You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled. % You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. % You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact. % You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE." % You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. % You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled. % You look tired. % You love peace. % You love your home and want it to be beautiful. % You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today. % You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others. % You may be recognized soon. Hide. % You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it! % You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will be sold. % You need more time; and you probably always will. % You need no longer worry about the future. This time tomorrow you'll be dead. % You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. % You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach. % You now have Asian Flu. % You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat. % You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution. % You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. % You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own. % You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite. % You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider. % You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed. % You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead. % You should go home. % You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess. % You teach best what you most need to learn. % You too can wear a nose mitten. % You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years. % You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. % You will always have good luck in your personal affairs. % You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. % You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old. % You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part. % You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant. % You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck. % You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service. % You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone. % You will be awarded some great honor. % You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously. % You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble. % You will be dead within a year. % You will be divorced within a year. % You will be given a post of trust and responsibility. % You will be held hostage by a radical group. % You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause. % You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery. % You will be married within a year, and divorced within two. % You will be married within a year. % You will be misunderstood by everyone. % You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. % You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier. % You will be run over by a beer truck. % You will be run over by a bus. % You will be singled out for promotion in your work. % You will be successful in love. % You will be surprised by a loud noise. % You will be surrounded by luxury. % You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler. % You will be the victim of a bizarre joke. % You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself. % You will be traveling and coming into a fortune. % You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery. % You will become rich and famous unless you don't. % You will contract a rare disease. % You will engage in a profitable business activity. % You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass. % You will feel hungry again in another hour. % You will forget that you ever knew me. % You will gain money by a fattening action. % You will gain money by a speculation or lottery. % You will gain money by an illegal action. % You will gain money by an immoral action. % You will get what you deserve. % You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford. % You will have a long and boring life. % You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor. % You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends. % You will have good luck and overcome many hardships. % You will have long and healthy life. % You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you. % You will inherit millions of dollars. % You will inherit some money or a small piece of land. % You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money. % You will live to see your grandchildren. % You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman. % You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally. % You will never know hunger. % You will not be elected to public office this year. % You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears. % You will outgrow your usefulness. % You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates. % You will pass away very quickly. % You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message. % You will pioneer the first Martian colony. % You will probably marry after a very brief courtship. % You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession. % You will receive a legacy which will place you above want. % You will remember something that you should not have forgotten. % You will soon forget this. % You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life. % You will step on the night soil of many countries. % You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your brakes are defective. % You will triumph over your enemy. % You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon. % You will win success in whatever calling you adopt. % You will wish you hadn't. % You work very hard. Don't try to think as well. % You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. % You would if you could but you can't so you won't. % You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow. % You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people. % You'll be sorry... % You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel. % You'll feel much better once you've given up hope. % You'll never be the man your mother was! % You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended. % You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier to do. % You're a card which will have to be dealt with. % You're almost as happy as you think you are. % You're at the end of the road again. % You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days. % You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life." % You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is. % You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that you're growing into. % You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!! % You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. % You're working under a slight handicap. You happen to be human. % You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. % Your aim is high and to the right. % Your aims are high, and you are capable of much. % Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you. % Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having. % Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong. % Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. % Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers. % Your business will assume vast proportions. % Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion. % Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways. % Your domestic life may be harmonious. % Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now). % Your goose is cooked. (Your current chick is burned up too!) % Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. % Your ignorance cramps my conversation. % Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret. % Your love life will be happy and harmonious. % Your love life will be... interesting. % Your lover will never wish to leave you. % Your lucky color has faded. % Your lucky number has been disconnected. % Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere. % Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon. % Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments. % Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be misinterpreted by somebody. % Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it. % Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life. % Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world. % Your present plans will be successful. % Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong. % Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner. % Your sister swims out to meet troop ships. % Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement. % Your step will soil many countries. % Your supervisor is thinking about you. % Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded. % Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner. % Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. %