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tomhudson's Journal: Michael Jackson Jokes 34

Journal by tomhudson

... inspired by this journal entry by Captain Splendid ...

Woman on a beach to Michael Jackson: "Can you move? You're in my son."

After Michael Jackson paid $15 million in hush money to a dentists' son: "$15 million for filling ONE cavity?"

Movies that never got made: "Michael Jackson in "Home Alone 4 - Think of the Children!"

The real cause of Michael Jackson's death: Food poisoning from eating a 9-year-old weiner.

Peter was recently suspended from his duties in heaven after Michael Jackson tried to get in. A spokesman for God said "It wasn't so much that Peter's first reaction was 'WTF???', but that he then told Mr. Jackson 'Sorry, white-faced monkeys have to go to the animal heaven'". God then proceeded to hold Mr. Jackson over the edge of a cloud for everyone to see ... and was quoted as saying "I want my children to have a normal life" before dropping him over the edge.

#1 in a list of documentaries we don't want to see: "Michael Jackson Unmasked!"

Diana Ross quote: "No, I will NOT channel Michael Jackson!"

California Governator Schwartzenegger wants Michael Jackson to be buried in Detroit: "Particularly the nose. We have enough toxic waste already."

After sneezing, Michael Jackson has to wipe his nose - then re-insert it.

Dogs were banned from Neverland after one of them buried Michael Jackson's nose.

Q. What's black and noisy and cute?
A. Michael Jackson with the Jackson 5
Q. What's white and noisy and scary-ugly?
A. Michael Jackson as a parent.
Q. What's blue and quiet?
A. Michael Jackson today.
Q. What's green and sings all of Michael Jackson's hits backwards?
A. Michael Jackson decomposing!

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Michael Jackson Jokes

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  • When Farrah Fawcett got to heaven, God granted her one wish, so she wished for all the children of the world to be safe.

    So God killed Michael Jackson.
  • by BHS_Turf (8387) on Friday June 26, 2009 @03:36PM (#28487909) Homepage

    Knock, Knock.
      - Who's there?
    Little Boy Blue.
      - Little Boy Blue Who?
    Michael Jackson.

  • Who is going to be the rich weirdo of the future, the guy who buys Michael Jackson's skeleton to display at his freak-show house? Bill Gates? Paul Allen? Paul McCartney? Britney Spears?
    • by tomhudson (43916)

      The Britster and Jocko? Thanks. Now excuse me while I go bleach my eyeballs ...

      Prince, on the other hand No - what I'm looking forward to is all the scam artists claiming to be able to sell a piece of Michael Jackson's NOSE (sort of like all those "Piece of Wood from the Cross" scams).

      ... or Diana Ross claiming to be channeling the spirit of Michael Jackson ...

  • Lawyers (Score:5, Funny)

    by jabithew (1340853) on Saturday June 27, 2009 @03:17AM (#28492835)

    You can take the kid out of Michael Jackson but you can't finish this joke because he has very good lawyers.

  • Doctors announced upon the confirmation of Michael Jackson's death that one of his last acts was to sign up as an organ donor.

    On offer: three noses, four sets of lips, and a variety of different skin colours.

  • Jacko jokes (Score:4, Funny)

    by VlartBlart (948166) on Saturday June 27, 2009 @05:53AM (#28493531) Journal

    What's the difference between Jacko and an Adobe Acrobat document? One's a PDF file...

  • Do you think the estate of John Merrick has any money? Because maybe the Elephant Man could buy Michael Jackson's remains.
  • How dare you all! Michael is now up in heaven, buggering baby Jesus!
  • by pbaer (833011)
    Michael Jackson knocked on the gates of heaven, and St. Peter told him to "Beat It".
  • Now that Michael Jackson is dead, who will rear the children?
  • You know... (Score:2, Funny)

    by Zeriel (670422)

    Since Michael was 80% plastic anyway, he should be recycled.

    Specifically, he should be recycled into plastic shopping bags so he can remain white, unsightly, and a menace to small children.

  • There is a drug test gate before Michael can go into the heaven. Drug-sniffing dogs are barking loudly at Michael...

    Officer: Do you bring any drugs Mike?
    Michael: Nope
    ... Officer did body search and found nothing
    Officer: Open your clothes
    (Michael strips, but dogs keep on barking)
    ... Officer looking at Michael in disbelief why dogs keep barking on him
    Michael: Ok ok, i'll let you open my stomach... but please leave some Xanax and Demerol in...
  • On one of his last tours, Michael Jackson suddenly decided to switch hotels...

    He had read an ad for the new hotel that promised "two children free per room"

  • Billy Mays (Score:4, Funny)

    by RingDev (879105) on Tuesday June 30, 2009 @11:26AM (#28530021) Homepage Journal

    Got this one from a co-worker:

    So Billy Mays goes to bed on Saturday night. Before climbing under the covers he says a little prayer, "Dear lord, in the last week you've taken Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson..." God interrupts and says, "But wait! There's MORE!"

    -Rick

  • .... Making fun of some poor dead guy. In fact, the only thing that I can think of that is more disgusting is Jacko....
  • Wow.. folks spending mod points on a journal entry. I thought I was the only one who did that.

  • Michael Jackson dead. Future generations of young boys breath collective sigh of relief. More details as they become available... (I posted this on my Facebook page when I found out. I'm a bad man, speaking ill of the dead.)
    • by tomhudson (43916)

      You want bad? Try this:

      When asked to comment, Bubbles the chimp signed "Does this mean no more booty calls?"

      Michael Jackson now has a new passtime - he's not doing music any more - just chillin'.

      The morticians are having a hard time prepping the body - without the mask, he's the spitting image of the Joker.

      Michael Jackson's will stated that his body was supposed to take one last roller coaster ride in Neverland before being cremated. Because he's broke, they're settling for "Shake & Bake".

      Wh

      • by isdr (1188625)
        I only said I was bad, not *awful*. :) Funny stuff. Has anyone recorded the song yet? If not, I hope someone does...
        • by tomhudson (43916)

          Has anyone recorded the song yet? If not, I hope someone does...

          I doubt it, since I just made it up while I was writing the post - but I'd think there's some variation of it out there somewhere ... I'd like to see Weird Al do it.

  • They just read Michael Jackson's Will - most of it was fairly standard, but the part regarding internment of his remains was interesting:

    Since he is 90% plastic, he has requested to be melted down into legos.....So that he can play with little boys forever!!!

  • just couldn't beat it... beat it...
  • Michael Jackson was found dead of a heart attack. The heart attack was reportedly induced while he was blowing Bubbles in the back yard of his Neverland Ranch. /rimshot
  • Since Michael Jackson is mostly plastic they're going to melt him down and make legos. Now little kids can play with HIM for a change.
  • His physician told him he was looking very pale, but he just said "Thank you very much"
    • by tomhudson (43916)

      Some originals ...

      Michael Jackson's heart attack wasn't caused by drugs - someone had told him that OctoMom needed help rearing her 14 kids ...

      Michael Jackson's videos had to be played backwards to make the music come out right ... it's been obvious from the way his body parts keep falling off that he's been de-composing for years - which also explains the "moon walk".

      Q: What's black and white and full of semen?
      A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

      Q. Why couldn't they bury Michael Jackson at

You're already carrying the sphere!

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