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"If nominated, I will not accept. If drafted, I will not run. If elected, WATCH OUT! :-)"

Don't you wish any of the major candidates would have the candor to say even a bit of this:

1. The housing bubble
   • You lied on your mortgage application?

     Don't come crying to "the gubbamint" for help. You've committed fraud, and as such, you have unclean hands. No cake for you!

   • You're a flipper who made a bad bet?

     Too bad. Suck it up, go broke if you must, get a real job. Actually contribute to the economy for a change. The same goes to those real estate agents who thought that a bad hair-do, a flashy car, and the mantra "housing never goes down - buy now before it gets even higher" were all you need to succeed, and ignored people's best long-term interests.

   • End mortgage interest deductability.

     A house is a place to live, not an investment. Why should renters subsidize your purchase by paying more than their share of taxes? (and like every government tax break, it just results in higher prices, as people "price in" the tax break)

   • Just to keep people honest

     a copy of every statement of income on every mortgage application to be sent to the IRS. People fraudulently saying they made $90,000 a year as a hairdresser helped drive up prices. Would this have happened if they had to pay income tax on their "liar loan stated income"? No sh*t, Sherlock..

   • You're an ordinary homeowner

     You're under water on your mortgage? Took out a HELOC? Why should taxpayers bail you (and your lender) out? The bank probably has some incentive to work something out, but you're probably better off sending them some "jingle mail" rather than getting further under water - or you could do this. It worked for a lot of people during the depression ... Just don't ask taxpayers to bail you out for being greedy | impatient | foolish. Its not their job. Foreclosure means lower resale prices, which means more affordability, which is the only realistic way to clear out the bubble.

   • You're the bank / wall street / mortgage insurer

     Absolutely no cake for you either. As Qzukk points out here, "The banks who foreclosed got their house, if they didn't think the house was worth it, they shouldn't have accepted it as collateral in the first place. They shouldn't get both the house and taxpayer money."

     Lenders have already admitted that they knew that the bubble couldn't continue, and that there would be a day of reckoning. Their excuse was "well, we had to continue making those loans because otherwise we'd lose market share." Their continued lending was akin to whistling in the dark while walking past a graveyard ... it won't keep the bogey-man of untenable loans from haunting you.

2. The economy in general
   • Make it clear that we are going to get out of debt
     • A federal VAT of 5% on all sales
     • Raise the minimum wage to $7.50 from $5.15. Some people will lose their jobs, but others will be better off. Lets face it, if the only reason your business is surviving is that you're paying someone 5 bucks an hour, you should find another business ... Henry Ford understood this when he paid his workers higher wages - "How else can they buy my cars?"
     • Mandatory health care for everyone, with premiums shared by both employers and employees. People shouldn't have to go bankrupt from medical bills.
3. The environment
   • Reduce dependence on foreign oil

     $5,000 initial purchase tax, $1,000 per year luxury tax on gas-guzzlers for private use, increasing by $500 every year. Additional $2k tax every time the vehicle is resold.

   • $0.75/gallon surcharge on gasoline,

     Encourage alternatives, and get people to less use - half earmarked for infrastructure, half to the deficit. It'll also improve people's health, as they walk a bit.

4. The Wars
   • The War on Drugs:

     Pull a Vietnam- declare the war on drugs "won", and move on. Decriminalize soft drugs, throw people who are in jail for simple posession back on the streets and let them earn a living, instead of costing taxpayers a fortune.

   • Iraq:

     Time to get out. It was a mistake. Admit it. Leave a border patrol, armed with nukes, to prevent incursions by other nations. You enter - you get nuked, and so does your country. No more wasting resources on ways and means that can't work. Let Iran work out what they want for themselves, and give them a definite timeline for complete withdrawal of the border defenses - 5 years.

   • The Middle East

     Lock negotiators for Israel and the Arab world in a room. If they don't come to an agreement within 24 hours, they are executed, and new negotiators brought in. Any country refusing to send "participants" gets a free nuke, dropped at random (could be done on TV like a lottery draw). Admit it, the only other solution is for an asteroid to wipe the area from the face of the planet.

5. Illegal immigrants
   • Drivers' licenses

     Give them a frigging drivers' license already! It makes it easier to track them, and it means collecting a few bucks from them ... also making it easier to get them to pay taxes - you know, the stuff that would help pay down the debt, provides services, etc.

   • Work permits

     Okay - this is a toughie ... but consider that, in some fields, the increased taxes on gas, etc., would encourage employers to let employees telecommute, so there would be less demand to have a "warm body" on site - so companies would be more likely to "inshore" - get someone to telecommute from Omaha, rather than sponsor an H1B. For other jobs that require a warm body, if locals don't want the job, why not let the illegals have it? License the migrant fruit pickers, the janitors, etc., and get them to pay taxes. Better than having the crop rot on the tree.

     Immigrants are necessary for the economy to continue to function. Given the choice between having them come into the country, and spending some of their earnings here, or working from some off-shore location, and spending NOTHING here, which is better for the economy? Gee, let me think a minute ...

6. Science
   • Space

     "We're going back - on the cheap!" Tried and true technology only. That means disposable rockets. We found out with the shuttle that re-usable isn't necessarily less expensive.

   • Lunar exploration as a VR game

     We've seen how much fun little skateboard robots are on Mars, even with the time lag. How much better on the moon? Send a bunch of them up there, and let people PAY for the privilege of controlling them for an hour or so. Make lunar exploration both a profit center AND a publicity center. Get some real science done at the same time. Let them share their experiences over the net.

   • Software patents

     Gone! They reduce innovation, and are not "devices" within the meaning of patent law.

7. Education
   • Evolution, not Intelligent Design

     No more crap about ID. You want to teach religion, do it in your church. BTW - all contributions to churches to be taxable as income to the church, and subject to the Alternate Minimum Tax as if they were an individual. Its not up to tax-payers to subsidize your religious choices.

   • Computers in the school

     Open-source only. Its about education, not about how to learn a specific software package. If people want to learn about proprietary software, they can pay a private institution, or learn at home.

   • Computers in government

     See "computers in the school".

8. Politics
   • Diplomatic appointments

     If you can't read and write the local language, you're not getting one, no matter whose friend you are!

   • Presidential pardons abolished for politicians

     Should be obvious to everyone why this is a good thing ...

   • No more lies

     Any politician caught lying, either during an election campaign, or while in office, gets to serve the rest of his term in one of those jail cells we've freed up by letting the "soft druggies" out. That also applies for misleading statements. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. The voters deserve it.

   • Clamp down on the money

     Donations from individuals only. No more campaign contributions from busines, special interest or lobby groups. No funnelling of campaign contributions through individuals - it has to be from their own funds.

   • "None of the above" option

     Every ballot will have a "none of the above" option. If either

     1. more than 20% of the voters think all the candidates stink, or
     2. the number 1 choice is that they all suck

     the election will be decided by drawing a name at random from all voters.

9. The Constitution
   • Handguns

     Mandatory training and registration. Limit of 1 per person, must be 18 or over, other restrictions apply, yadda yadda yadda. May NOT be concealed - must be in full view all the time, properly holstered, w. trigger lock. (boy, will people be polite ...)

   • Separation of church and state

     Darned tootin' ... see education. (And for those who would argue that this means no taxation of the churches - "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's". When religious groups have their own currency, they can revisit the issue). After all, the first amendment doesn't prohibit taxing religion: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof".

   • Abortion

     The day men can get pregnant on a regular basis, they can tell women what to do with their bodies. THEN they can argue for equal treatment. Until then, women have the same right to be "unpregnant" as men de facto enjoy.

   • The ERA

     Why not?

   • Gay marriage

     Why shouldn't gays and lesbians have the same chance to "enjoy" everything that marriage brings - for example, the "joy" of divorce? Why should straight couples be the only ones privileged to shell out ridiculous sums of money? And no, churches wouldn't be required to do gay marriage ceremonies, just like they're not currently required to do straight marriage ceremonies, so don't even bring that argument up.