I don't want a cellphone.
Without a mobile phone, how would you go about reaching roadside assistance or emergency services?
Any shitty old mobile with no service plan will work to call 911
Normally I'd recommend a dumb phone, but HalAtWork refuses even this.
As for roadside assistance, just take off your pants and stand in traffic! Someone will stop sooner or later.
Like a police officer ready to stay you for indecent exposure. I would not find permanent sex offender status worth not carrying a phone.