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Submission + - Worst Tech Recruiter 'Pickup Lines'

snydeq writes: We've all received them: Trawling emails from tech recruiters looking to lure us away from our current employer, often with a cringe-worthy line or two that makes it seem as if we are being courted by an unwanted pickup artist. From the article: 'The men and women tasked with recruiting tech talent go to great lengths to attract the attention of their targets — (often unsuspecting) tech pros viewed as valuable "gets." While some recruiters prove to be invaluable in improving your career, finding exactly the right words to pique your interest in a new gig, far more seem to stammer, stumble, and elicit exasperated sighs.' What are the best doozies you've received?

Submission + - CSI:Cyber leaked early to torrent sites. 2

MouseTheLuckyDog writes: In a major piece of irony, the first episode of the new version of CSI:Cyber, a new CSI dealing with cybercrimes, has been leaked to torrent sites " before it has been shown by CBS.

PS: Ars is reporting it too.

Submission + - Expedition 42 ISS Crew Embrace Douglas Adams ( 1

SchrodingerZ writes: In November of this year, the 42th Expedition to the International Space Station will launch, and the crew have decided to embrace their infamous number. NASA has released an image of the crew, mimicking the movie poster for The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, a film released in 2005, based on a book with the same name by Douglas Adams. Commander Butch Wilmore stands in the center as protagonist Arthur Dent, flight engineer Elena Serova as hitchhiker Ford Prefect, flight engineer Alexander Samokutyayev as antagonist Humma Kavula, astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti as Trillian, and flight engineers Terry Virts and Anton Shkaplerov as two-headed galactic president Zaphod Beeblebrox. The robotic "Robonaut 2" also stands in the picture as Marvin the depressed android. Cristoforetti, ecstatic to be part of this mission stated,"Enjoy, don't panic and always know where your towel is!" Wilmore, Serova and Samokutyayev blasted off September 25th for Expedition 41, the rest of Expedition 42 will launch November 23rd.

Submission + - Garage Owner Fakes Murder For Google Street View

mrspoonsi writes: A garage owner has apologised for staging a scene that looked like a murder in an Edinburgh street, which was caught on Google Street View. Dan Thompson, 56, who owns Tomson Motor in Giles Street, had to say sorry after receiving a visit from the police. The mechanic had lain on the road while his colleague stood over him with a pick axe handle after spotting the Google camera car from a distance. However, a web user saw the image and made a complaint.

Submission + - Iranian News Agency Says The U.S. Is Secretly Run By Nazi Space Aliens. Really. ( 1

cold fjord writes: The Washington Post reports, "On Sunday, the hard-line semi-official Fars News dropped one of its biggest bombshells yet: The United States government has been secretly run by a "shadow government" of space aliens since 1945. ... The alien government is based out of Nevada and had previously run Nazi Germany. ... the controversial NSA programs are actually a tool for the aliens to hide their presence on Earth and their secret agenda for global domination. ... President Obama is said to be a tool of the aliens, though anti-alien factions within the U.S. government are fighting to topple him. Their present aim is to install a global surveillance system that will ... allow them to finally impose a one-world government and enslave humanity. The best part ... is the sourcing. ... The progenitor of it all, of course, is ostensibly NSA leaker Edward Snowden, who has waited until now to reveal that the real reason for all those NSA programs is aliens." ... there's also a more serious undercurrent here. A worldview that sees the U.S. as an evil hegemonic force so irrationally driven toward global domination that it must be run by space aliens is not a worldview that is predisposed toward negotiation or accommodation." — More at Forbes and Foreign Policy. Nothing at The Onion.

Submission + - 6 Howlingly Unrealistic Hollywood Portrayals of Law Enforcement Using Computers

Esther Schindler writes: Every time a technical minded person winces at the movies or in front of a TV, a puppy dies, and a Hollywood screenwriter smiles.

What Lisa Vaas does so well in 6 Howlingly Unrealistic Hollywood Portrayals of Law Enforcement Using Computers is far more than yet another collection of #headdesk moments. (Which are amusing enough.) She shows the OMG THEY DIDN'T DID THEY? example of Hollywood at its worst, and then intersperses the examples with what the current state of the art really is in law enforcement circles. For instance: "Nick Selby says that the average incumbency of technology for law enforcement (and we are obviously talking local police, not anything of the NSA’s XKeyscore ilk)—as in, the monitors you see in police cars, for example—is 18 years old."

The end result is an opportunity to snort into your coffee, and to say, "Really? Wow."

Submission + - Scientist resume advice, cynicism and swearing intact (

An anonymous reader writes: Adam Ruben has reviewed a lot of resumes. Adam Ruben knows a lot of them suck. "You can list your high school. But—and I wouldn't say this if I hadn't seen it on actual resumes—don't go back any further. Oh, you went to Brandywood Elementary, home of the busy bees? Well, that tips the balance! Will your lab techniques include 'glue stick'? "

Seriously, people listed their elementary schools on their resumes.

Submission + - Microsoft burgled, only the APPLE iPADS stolen - cops confirm (

iComp writes: "A savvy sneak slipped into a Microsoft campus, stole five iPads and left all the Microsoft products untouched, according to cops.

More than $3,000 in Apple kit was nicked from the research and development complex in Mountain View, California, over Christmas. There was no sign of a forced entry at Building 5 on La Avenida Street, whose staff use electronic cards to enter the offices, said Sgt Sean Thompson.

The five fondleslabs — two iPad 2s, two iPad 3s and an "iPad 4" — were taken from three offices. The latter is understood to be the latest generation of Apple's tablet rather than a secret new device.

Microsoft reported the crime to the police on 2 January but believes the electronics were stolen between 19 and 26 December. Police are waiting for CCTV footage from the campus.

Word of the theft spread after a photograph of a report in the Palo Alto Daily Post — strap line: "news you can't get on the internet" — appeared on websites Imgur and Reddit. The article was not available online, but the story was confirmed to The Reg by the Mountain View Police Department this afternoon. Many netizens had assumed the tale was yet another web hoax."

Submission + - French Bees Produce Blue and Green Honey (

jones_supa writes: Since August, beekeepers around the town of Ribeauville in the region of Alsace, France have seen their bees starting to produce honey in an odd blue or green color. Mystified, the beekeepers embarked on an investigation and discovered that a biogas plant 4 km away has been processing waste from a plant producing colorful M&M candies. Subsequently the bees had been carrying the waste to their nests. Agrivalor, the company operating the biogas plant, said it had tried to address the problem after being notified of it by the beekeepers. 'We discovered the problem at the same time they did. We quickly put in place a procedure to stop it,' told Philippe Meinrad, co-manager of Agrivalor.

Submission + - Iran's News Agency Picks Up Onion Story ( 2

J053 writes: "FARS, the Iranian news agency, ran a story about a Gallup poll which showed that "the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than U.S. president Barack Obama. “I like him better," said West Virginia resident Dale Swiderski, who, along with 77 percent of rural Caucasian voters, confirmed he would much rather go to a baseball game or have a beer with Ahmadinejad". Only problem was, it was a story from The Onion. Not only that, they took credit for it! The Onion responded by stating that "Fars is a subsidiary and has been "our Middle Eastern bureau since the mid 1980s"."

Submission + - Emergency Landing Due to Snakes on the Plane ( 3

Cazekiel writes: Braden Blennerhassett, 26, probably could have used a purple lightsaber but more-than-likely used Samuel L Jackson's infamous cursing before making an emergency call to air-traffic controllers. The mayday-message?

"Look, you're not going to believe this. I've got snakes on a plane."

Indeed, it was not a belated April Fool's Day joke. The Air Frontier flight from Warren to the small town of Peppimenarti was put on hold to make an emergency landing, due to a snake suddenly appearing in the cockpit. Blennerhassett was particularly spooked when the snake crawled up his leg while landing: "My blood pressure and heart rate was a bit elevated — it was an interesting experience," he told Nine News.

If that wasn't odd enough, those inspecting the plane after its landing found a green tree frog as well. They deduced that the snake had been hunting the amphibian and--thankfully--the snake was non-venomous.

And if THAT wasn't odd, or even disturbing enough, Air Frontier's director Geoffrey Hunt told ABC News, "I have heard of crocodiles being loose in planes, but not snakes."

Star Wars Prequels

Submission + - Han Never Shot First ( 3

silentbrad writes: Or so George Lucas says.

In a chat with The Hollywood Reporter (via /Film), Lucas said, "The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn't. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down."

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements. -- Norman Douglas