1) Who said anything about micromanaging? Find a server that's pleasant, has some of the same values that you're hoping for (friendly, non-adult language, etc) and point your kid there. If he/she likes it, they'll stay there.
2) If you don't want your kid killing anything at all, there's always creative mode where nothing ever tries to kill you either. If breeding cattle, chickens, sheep, etc and then eating them is "sex & violence" then I don't know what to say. You can only shield your child from so many things.
Bottom line: If you can't go through the bother of finding somewhere nice, and just plop down wherever you find first, you get what you get. Throw a dart at a map of a major city and live where it lands, see how well things turn out.