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Journal: Titanic's Maiden Voyage a "Smashing Success"

Journal by ricegf

In honor of Microsoft's OOXML press release regarding the failed ISO vote handily outspinning my Dremel, I proudly present this White Star Line press release, circa 1912.

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Today the Senate Investigating Committee released the results of its preliminary review of the highly publicized maiden voyage of White Star's RMS Titanic. The report shows that Titanic completed fully 74% of her voyage with greater speed and in more decadent luxury than had been previously expected. White Star expressed confidence that the Gigantic, set to attempt its maiden voyage next March, will travel even farther after incorporating extensive spontaneous passenger and crew feedback from Titanic.

Carrying over 2200 passengers from 51 countries, Titanic reflected an unprecedented level of blue-blood society participation as she sped at over 23 knots across the ice-strewn North Atlantic. Titanic reached the ice floe at 414332N, 495649W fully six hours ahead of the smaller Cunard liner Carpathia, whose passengers complained of delays and crowded conditions for the remainder of their cruise. The spacious Titanic, by comparison, felt much less crowded and offered real value for transatlantic passengers around the globe. Further refinements in the Gigantic, such as larger rudders and binoculars for the iceberg watch, are expected to provide an even finer cruising experience.

"We are extremely delighted to see the more than 700 survivors arrive in New York, voicing strong support for the changes we plan for the Gigantic," said Bruce Ismay, who personally participated in life boat exercises during the voyage. "These changes, resulting from the Senate's recommendations and the recovered notes of the late shipbuilder Thomas Andrews, will represent a milestone in the widespread adoption of large steamers for crossing the 'pond' at high speed in the middle of winter."

Founded in 1863, White Star Line is the worldwide leader in transatlantic services and solutions that help people and businesses realize their full potential, in and out of the water. White Star is considering rechristening the Gigantic as the Britannic, and possibly changing the company's name, for reasons that do not concern you.

"Don't talk to me about disclaimers! I invented disclaimers!" -- The Censored Hacker

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