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Comment: im sure hindsight is 20/20 (Score 3, Funny) 78

by nimbius (#49546755) Attached to: German Intelligence Helped NSA Spy On EU Politicians and Companies
NSA: hey guise we need you to spy on some folks for us, no biggie.
BND: should we check these targets to make sure, you know, no crazy treaties might get everyone in trouble?
NSA: Nah we're cool we checked them first.
Snowden: No you didn't.
BND: uh....what
NSA: HAH! never mind that guy hes such a kidder
Glen Greenwald: Uh...no he isnt...not according to this press release.
BND: ...verdammt noch mal.

Comment: im sure the operation was a great success. (Score 4, Interesting) 63

by nimbius (#49546089) Attached to: Pentagon Discloses Network Breach By Russian Hackers
Russian hackers: we've successfully infiltrated the pentagons secret networks and have accessed their innermost classified projects. With this information we can plan accordingly our first strikes, retaliatory actions, and offensive as well as defensive capabilities in response to the scourge of american aggression
Russian political scientists: We've successfully modelled American capitalism over the last 40 years and have concluded that following two failed wars, two government shutdowns, rampant unemployment, gridlocked congress and senate, unsustainable student loan markets, widespread racism and fascism in local law enforcement, unfunded social security and public highways fund and an unchecked unenforceable labor and investment sector the united states will itself collapse into Mad Max style ruin after about 15 years.
Kremlin: Then it is decided. Cancel our hacking teams budget, slash defense, and clear my schedule for the next decade. Oh and get some popcorn.

Comment: the original release was far less appropriate (Score 5, Funny) 112

by nimbius (#49544691) Attached to: Comcast Officially Gives Up On TWC Merger
Ceo Roberts: take a message! "Today, we move on. The heralding of the 6th star of ocorium and the death of all that grows to chew the cud as the mighty beast arises has been circumvented. The runes of pestilence have not siphoned the blood of the babe, as was foretold in our prophetic lore of bundling. Today, we stand apart, our hellmouths never to entwine and form a new dead god. Comcast and Time warner will never be able to take our great products to new cities into which wrack and desolation shall grind the bones of the damned to dust, and succor a distant memory of a world once living. The government has seen fit to meddle in that which they can never understand, to oppose the will of Baal our dark lord and in so doing unlock the very amulet that is the dawn of their obliteration. We structured this amalgamation, or as you laughably know it as "the deal" in a pact of dark blood, an ichor stronger than christs own bleached bones, in that it may be transmutated and reformed should such blasphemous interference take place. Today, we walk this earth upon damned hooves of..."
PR Executive: ....o...okay....so im just going to trim this up for tomorrows soundbyte o-on....on CNN, is that alri-
CEO Roberts: Yes it must be hewn into a frame that fits the skull of a black ram to be delivered upon the masses as per the divination
PR Executive: uh...im thinking...8x11
CEO Roberts: Yes. use the eights of eleven to elucidate our will to the sheep. Dorris in accounting has a spare ream i believe.

Comment: a rather predictable move. (Score 4, Interesting) 36

If you think Irans "cyber" threat is exaggerated, try their actual threat. After failing to overthrow the regional government, the US has maintained a 50 year sore-spot for the rising middle eastern power that borders on the definition of angry playground bully. We gin up our animosity for the country with occasional mistranslations from the shah, fervent warmongering from Iran, and our own latent islamophobia. the reason you havent heard much saber rattling from the US lately is because after two government shutdowns, a massive recession, and two failed wars we're basically relegated to observer status in foreign politics. Sure, we'll hustle a drone across some parched desert country like yemen occasionally but the recent treaties brokered between Iran and the US betray the fact that we either participate willingly in some form of diplomatic process on their terms, or they ignore us from any process in the future with impunity.

For vendors to bark up the cyber tree though? It might have worked 10 years ago for sure but now its a riskier gamble. Most people have forgotten the islamic republic single handedly and quite easily captured our most sophisticated drone. Perhaps the future threat is credible, that Iran would seek revenge for our Stuxnet attack on their nuclear research SCADA controllers, but thats predicated on the faulty logic that Iran would operate on a petty tit-for-tat foreign policy akin to the one the US has subscribed to for 40 years. Instead of feeding the trolls, Iran appears to just be focusing on nuclear power and something far more dangerous to the US than a nuclear bomb: Economic and energy independence. Building your own reactor fuel means you can power your cities outside your oil revenue and without having to purchase fuel from other countries. Everything from desalination to medical and industrial power now comes without the added caveat "with $foreign_nation assistance" and that means the US finds itself in the back seat the next time the middle east needs a desalination plant or X-Ray isotope. And it works as well as an ICBM as a deterrent, knowing the peaceful enrichment can rapidly turn into nuclear weapons if, say, another nation comes to overthrow your government again.

Comment: the voting blocks in america kind of decide this (Score 4, Funny) 201

by nimbius (#49530351) Attached to: McConnell Introduces Bill To Extend NSA Surveillance
So voting blocks in america basically work like this:
Elderly: Fox news told me shariah muslim terrorists are installing isis anchor babies in the fema death camp that controls the war on christmas. I still think communism is a real threat, socialists are identifiable through diet, and poor people are poor because they just dont want to work. The only predictable consistent things in my life are regular voting and wheel of fortune.
Gen X: The only news I trust is Glen Beck and singing woodland creatures. 9/11 was an inside job, the gold standard is a feasible alternative, and once i get my cabin in the woods and gun to match my constitution tattoo i'll stop voting entirely. My candidate of choice still doesnt understand the internet or foreign policy but he primised to make taxes go away so thats good.
Millenials: Im broke, unemployed, and between college debt and rent i have about enough money to show up in court to plead guilty to a misdemeanor pot charge. im a freelance web developer but because boomers turned that position into a mechanical turk, Im also a bartender a painter and a food stamp recipient. I had a house once, but, it got taken by the bank. I had a car, but i never drive it anymore because I had my license revoked for not making the payments I cant make on the student loan that didnt amount to a job. I'd vote, but I was turned away after not having a license. My biggest accomplishment has been health insurance and regular checkups. Gays, atheism, abortion, muslims, and any other recycled culture war bullshit are absolutely meaningless to me.

Comment: Re:Drug dogs (Score 1) 399

Im sure some dogs DO detect drugs

Thousands of them, trained by some very serious, very passionate people who don't even begin to fit the cartoon caricature description of cops who fake drug busts

but the above scenario has been reported a number of times

How many is a "number," relative to the all day, every day work these dogs and their handlers do?

Comment: Re:...Coming Soon (Score 1) 399

wouldn't you want a furry friend with an addiction to powerful drugs to keep you company?

The only thing search/detection dog is addicted to is the simple pleasure of working. They're descended from wolves, who live to hunt. They're bred to be incredibly sensitive, nose-wise, and have had their pack instincts morphed into a very gratifying (for them, and their handlers) pleasure in their essentially symbiotic relationship with humans. They love to go out and do stuff, and are raised as pups to get some good clean joy out of accurately differentiating between being right and wrong with their noses. They're addicted to being part of a well organized pack, just like many social animals. Addicted to the drugs or other materials they've learned to identify by the parts-per-billion in the air? Nonsense. They want a pat on the head, their favorite toy as a reward, and a chance to go do it again.

Comment: Re:I don't get it (Score 1) 399

This is why it's important to yell loudly and repeatedly "AM I BEING DETAINED?!?!" whenever speaking to a cop.

Yes, because being obnoxious and shouting at cops is a super way to show that you're not trying to distract/deflect. Do you do your job better when someone is screaming in your face? Really? Fascinating.

Comment: Re:Drug dogs (Score 1) 399

The dogs are demonstrably a placebo that "triggers" when the handling cop signals the dog to do so.

You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. About dogs generally, or about their use in quickly showing awareness of explosives, drugs, and other items. They are uncannily accurate once they've been shown the difference between placebos and the real thing. Oh, and you also have no understanding of how the word "placebo" is used.

Comment: an unchallenged edict. (Score 5, Informative) 399

Just because the supreme court says you cant, doesnt mean departments wont push the envelope to see if they can challenge it, and for how long. Most minorities arrested for example never see a courtroom, but instead are strong-armed. Typically a prosecutor meets with the accused, threatens them with a dozen or so charges from failure to yield to a stop sign to improper socks after labour day and throws a random double digit integer of years in a prison described like Auschwitz. Once the accused is terrified into pleading guilty for a "reduced sentence" the prosecutor packs up their briefcase and bellies up to the local pub assured he will get to keep his job. Prosecutors that are fair and pursue lenient charges tend to prevent the DA and Judges from getting re-elected, and will eventually get shown the door.

Comment: Re:Instead... (Score 1) 355

Yes. And I truly hope you're right. Responsive, though, can be a huge PITA for content designers, but there are plenty of responsive frameworks out there, and they do actually work. Full-on mobile-only only content is generally awful, except for very specific scenarios (track your package, check your balance, etc).

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

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