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Comment I work for a data storage provider (Score 4, Funny) 94

I work as a storage tech for a police video footage storage company. we guarantee indefinite archives, with five 9's of uptime in a secure location. At first people were skeptical of the prices, but using the latest high speed storage devices on a linux platform, theres simply no beating our performance.
Storage to /dev/null (our in-house application) is automatic, and a monthly bill is generated once the null fills up which includes maintenance fees like replacing the old null with a fresh, empty null for storage. This fee, also referred to as an "invoice for the purchase of a Rolls Royce" is our only frustration as our billing system is confusing for customers. Things like "Vacation package, Spain" are actually the normal cost of sourcing fresh nulls and installing them. invoices for services such as "yacht" and "truffle pheasant" refer to our restore service which uses "/dev/urandom" technology to provide nearly infinite high quality video.

Comment im sure this was foreseen. (Score 1) 114

child: Father, do you ever think that some day our humble shelter will grow lettuce and fresh produce for people who cant use bicycles with any gears on them?
father: how do you mean, my child?
child: Well, i just want to know, do you think some day people can grow organic vegetables here to sell at a little weekend market that also sells expensive soaps, honey, and pita dips to people who ride broken bicycles
father: Jesus god put your mask on child! the germans are attacking with GAS that makes your children MAD!

Comment and yet another attempt is made. (Score 5, Funny) 36

Every time i see someone at work using mutt, or its recommended online, my general inclination is to give it a go. This time will be different, and ill finally get the hang of one of the most powerful and flexible email clients ever written!

2 months later ive deleted send mail, spawned 52 deleted mail boxes and permanently added 50 megs of /dev/urandom to my sig. I can send an email but it requires connecting to my localhost, which in turn connects to the server, then gets routed through my cat (the part that survived configuring) and across the internet to the receiving MTA. Fortunately for the past 20 or so messages, German chancellor Angela Merkel has kindly forwarded my correspondence to the intended recipient. Im hopeful I'll learn how to enable GPG and threads before food runs out.

Comment iStan vulnerabilities. (Score 4, Funny) 35

Ive started writing vulnerabilities for iStan as of about a month ago, and i have got to say its one of the easier platforms to exploit. friends asked why id bother with such a limited platform as it doesnt have many applications outside of education but i beg to differ. Heres my application list so far:
1.stastan.img: loading this image causes stan to die on contact during any simulation scenario.
2.polterstan.img: sync stans bilateral cartoid pulse to integer width, or roughly 32,768 bpm.
3.superstanl3y.img: CPR attempts trigger unending string of bowel noises. noises.wav replaced with the USSR national anthem
4. b00g3ystan.img: stans bilateral brachial pulse synchronizes to bowel noises. Noises.wav replaced by daft punks get lucky.
5. didn35stan.img: breath sounds replaced with slot machine noises. all 5 bleeding zones (and urinary output) triggered.
6. sw33tstan.img: stans heartbeat entirely dependent upon urination. voice replaced with the 1850 Millard Fillmore presidential address. pulse is now a Fibonacci sequence leading to the GPS coordinates of a geocache filled with macaroni and cheese.

Comment Economics isnt science. (Score 4, Interesting) 151

Sorry for the economics majors in the room, but you're not dealing with scientific constraints in the concept of modern hyperconsumer capitalism.

economists don't use math as a tool to describe reality

They can't. economic realities predicated upon hysteresis or long term analytical trends are constructed with touchstones of bogus equations founded on wild conjecture. a sizeable component of many modern economies are unquantifiable, having been intentionally obscured by human interest. Why did the fed hold reserve rates? what is the nature of a cyclical economy when infused with more than one trillion dollars of emergency funding to prevent an uncodifiable collapse? what factor or theorem transmogrifies and determines the value of liabilites as assets? So much of what economics seeks to do is undermined by the fact that most economies work by the rules of human nature. the Federal reserve practically has its own language to communicate change or lack thereof, and it is intentionally designed to avoid concrete resolution or effable transmission of meaningful information.

Marx as an economist is one of the few to provide a very broad overview of the concept as it applies to modern capitalism. he describes the capitalist economy as a cycle similar to a bird with a broken wing. it builds, booms, collapses and in turn affords a widely acceptable cycle of observed failure. From the great depression to the lincoln savings and loan scandal to the United States Failed leveraged buyout of United Airlines to the dotcom bubble and finally the great recession of 2007 we've all grown to accept this cycle as normative.

Comment socks arent all malevolent (Score 2) 142

Most of the socks identified are pointless spam. Theyre a drain on resources for articles pertaining to companies that exist to pump-and-dump stocks, or lend legitimacy to an advertising campaign. They arent the malicious chicanery that goes on in articles like the Iraq war where verbiage is literally inserted to de-emphasize for example the categorical failure of the united states to identify WMD's.

more attention needs to be lent to dealing with controversial articles on the RIAA, the trans continental partnership, and the nature of large entities that can afford to muddle their tracks. For example, how many edits to the Coca Cola wiki article have been made and by whom? What edits get made to pages on the gulf oil disaster and on Time Warners article?

Comment that 750 seems a little convenient... (Score 4, Insightful) 145

The goal is to deter infringement

and avoid judicial scrutiny. The RIAA for example has long had an infringement website where you can "pay" your "settlement" should you receive one and dont wish to be burdened by your constitutional right to a trial by jury for what --unless all those DVD warnings are wrong-- is a federal felony.

the problem is if this becomes a federal trial, media companies and their attorneys have to do things like disclose evidence. depending on the nature, and how far down the rabbit hole defense wants to go, media companies understand they can eventually begin to risk the legality or constitutionality of the DMCA itself. They can call severe attention to the disparaging, clandestine, and overzealous nature of copyright itself and in turn through a simple federal case could open the door to the possibility of copyright reform. In some cases, like the well published instances where media companies file lawsuits totalling in the millions against child plaintiffs or single mothers, the damages can be knocked down to a fraction of what it costs them to prosecute something like this or worse, thrown out entirely.

Comment im glad you asked, slashdot. (Score 1) 820

I know we all have our desires and hopes of winning the lottery, but for us slashdotters im sure there are a few indelible things we would absolutely need to do. Ive compiled a list i think best represents the community.

1. replace inefficient and wasteful toilet paper with stack of cash. replace glade plug-in with more appropriate bathroom salvadorian priest to burn myrrh when needed.
2. finally repair faulty kitchen sink with tap that, instead of dispensing Jolt cola as intended, unfortunately just dispenses cold water.
3. finally upgrade from Gentoo on X64 to the intended platform, Gentoo on D-Wave quantum annealer.
4. Notify the zoning board that you will finally come 'up to code' and install the helipad that was intended for the roof alongside the infinity pool that used to be the neighbours back yard.
5. repair the broken outdoor grill with the fully staffed Brazillian churrascaria you'd been meaning to install.
6. kick the disgusting habit of waking up every morning, getting in a car, and driving to work.

Comment having their cake and eating it too (Score 1) 130

the difference between financial donors and tech donors to the political ecosystem in america in this foul year of our lord 2015 is that techs social goals are directly opposed by the candidates theyre greas--er, funding. Funding Rubio, which would arguably mean less intense scrutiny on offshore tax havens and lack of taxation in general, would mean accepting the rest of the Rubio package as well. It would mean tech firms would have to swallow things like increased warrantless wiretapping and blanket surveillance, which most oppose on the grounds of a free internet and tacitly customer trust. It means tech firms are backing a pony thats anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti-evolution and increasingly implicated as bigoted and racist.

Backing a republican is understandable...but risky in this day and age. This is a political party that has shut down the US Government twice. Theyve spent two years passing meaningless legislation like affirming 'in god we trust' on the dollar and shit-talking multinational foreign treaties like the iran nuclear agreement in favour of 20 more years of brinkmanship. the Republican party has avoided critical issues like immigration, climate change, the federal highway trust, renewable energy, and unemployment. For every major mass shooting in america in the past 8 years, they have remained unaccountable and in sterling opposition to even the most basic firearm legislation. And when gay marriage was legislatively made law, they simply avoided the subject entirely, and attempted to legalize discrimination at the state level instead.

Comment Re:What's with the shills? (Score 1) 266

Has it ever occurred to you that some people simply don't agree with your take on things. You know, people who, personally - just like you - have looked at the facts of the matter and arrived at a different opinion? Your own view must be weak indeed if you have to result to that sort of fantasizing in order to make yourself feel better about it.

Comment Re:...and in the meantime (Score 0) 490

the actual enemies we have now use twitter and guerilla tactics

So ... the actual enemies are using twitter and "guerilla" tactics to seize towns, line up rows of insufficiently Islamist locals and lopping their heads off, that sort of thing? The Russians are using twitter to take over Ukraine? Are those Twitter-powered tanks being driven across those borders? Are they using Twitter to shoot down aircraft? Is Iran supplying Twitter-based ordinance to its proxies across the middle east, and using those Twitter-munitions when they kill people?

Comment Re:What did he expect? (Score 1) 266

So, pretty much you think this is a comic book, not real life involving actual people.

In your imaginary fantasy world, wouldn't the incredibly corrupt fantasy villains your'e dreaming up simply have done any of a thousand possible things to more effectively deal with this guy? No? Right, because you're fantasizing.

Comment Re:Massive and stupid (Score 1) 214

Why do you want to say he's wrong? You weren't happy with the voice recordings, and with people on the phone with their own family members as those events unfolded on the flight? If you want him to be wrong, it's because you want what happened to have occurred differently for some reason of your own agenda.

Statistics means never having to say you're certain.

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