Doesn't Nyan cat use the image of a Pop Tart as the body of the cat?
If it's as poorly written as most software, it would likely prompt:
Would you like to cancel your trigger pull request?
Many people think that a corporation's Human Resources department is there for the protection of the employees. In reality, the opposite is the case - to protect the management from the employees. The same is true for the Justice Department. It doesn't exist to protect the people, but rather to protect the administration and control the population. Sure every once in a while they manage to do the right thing to satisfy the people. My HR department organizes an annual summer picnic.
I haven't read the ToS, but if there aren't any disclaimers that allow them to arbitrarily change the terms, small claims court is the place to go. They are essentially not fulfilling the contract, and you can probably get some, if not all, your money back. If enough people do this, it can become a real hassle to the provider.
Why would you spend time doing this by hand when you can have SNMP probe the network for you? It can collect nearly all that information. You might have to put in some smarts to correlate switch port activates and new clients requesting DHCP, but that's easy (hint: your key is MAC address). If you need to, you can have the SNMP client supply custom OIDs to query for more specific information. Then just dump into the DB of your choice. THEN you add the appropriate DB driver to your visualizer of choice (Excel, for example) and you can generate reports.
This isn't too complicated to set up on your own, but there are off-the-shelf products that do this, too. I've used OpenNMS with success for this purpose.
That's right. The officer doesn't. Those records are actually best and easily obtained from the wireless carrier with a warrant. The evidence (in your example) won't change state if the investigators follow the constitution.