Seriously IDEs are great! I don't understand people on Slashdot who think if its not hard, its not worthy!
That's a bit of a strawman. IMO, the real issue is that people see it as a false dichotomy between a good text editor (Vim, Emacs, etc.) and a kitchen sink of tools attached to something little better than Notepad with syntax highlighting + autocompletion (e.g. Visual Studio). In that comparison, the text editors win because the vast majority of programming comes down to text editing (and possibly thinking, but you don't need a computer for that), and typical IDEs are pretty mediocre at that.
Note that it's a false dichotomy - you can get the benefits of both, either by integrating a proper text editor into your IDE (e.g. Eclim adds Vim to Eclipse) or by adding many plugins to your text editor - I use Vim with 53 plugins, and I have every feature on your list (although hovering over a variable is replaced with typing a shortcut while the cursor is over it). You only need about 10 to get most of the benefits though, especially if you only work with one or two languages.