Apeism: I Am the shit.
Jedism: May the Shit be with you.
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Religious Science: Change you shit, change your life.
Gnosticism: Life is shit, and so is the God that had the shit fit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Surrealism: Who threw the sock in the toilet?
Scatolicism: Let's see that shit.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Anarchism: Let's blow some shit up!
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half of the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
Pantheism: It's all shit.
Falun Gong: Oh shit, here come the police!
Universalism: We are One with Shit.
- wrote in message news:email@example.com...
> My friend, Jesus wants to save you.
eeeew! That's really gross. I wont have a living dead dude touching me.
> God sent His only son to Earth so that no man who believes in Jesus would
> never die and would get an eternal life.
That's really gross too... My body gradually decays as I get older. If I live forever I would at some point smell really rotten and my flesh would fall from my bones, while I'm still alive. Eeeewww!
> Jesus didn't come to condemn the world. He want's to save it.
> Jesus did always what God wanted Jesus to do, try the same!
Right! Ok! Where's the nearest place where I can get nailed to a cross and look really suffering and say "Father, father! What hadst thy forgotten me?"...
> If you aren't christian already become a one. God want's that everyone who
> sees Jesus and believes in Him would have eternal life.
Yeah, like I said earlier...That's really gross, and I just had dinner.
> Believe in God, Jesus and paradise. Jesus is the only way to eternal life
> and thus to heaven. When you die your existence won't end so believe in
> Jesus, He saves you from eternal hell. This is true!
Does anyone have a tourist guided map of hell? Could be really nice to spend a week or two there....You know - just to relax and un-stress....
> Regret all your sins and ask forgiveness from God and Jesus.
Now I surely don't have any chance at all to get into heaven. I have no sins!
> Beg for mercy!
Ok...MERCY! What happens next?
> You can't hide anything from God since He knows everything and He will
> reveal all your sins.
He he - God can't see what I don't have.
> So confess all your sins and keep your heart pure, God and Jesus will
> forgive you.
When they find out, that I don't have any sins, and I don't have anything to confess...Wont they get really mad at me?
> When you regret and ask forgiveness you will feel better, your heart
> becomes lighter and you will have peace in your mind.
Oh - right - thanks, but I already have peace in my heart, and I also feel pretty comfortable.
> Turn from bad into good! Become a reformed person. Love God, Jesus and
> fellowmen. Don't be proud of your knowledge. Money must not be the great
> thing in your life.
Ah! One of the main reasons why I became a buddhist. The reverent took all my money. He said, "and behold! Jesus need your funds to clear the road for his return, and behold! Here is my bank account and instructed by Jesus. You KNOW what your earthly possesions are worth!". The following week I saw my reverent driving a really cool masarati, with two loving young blonde, very mature, women, each holding a sign saying, "Jesus loves you - send more money!"
> The great thing must be God and Jesus.
> Gather up courage and ask Jesus to come into your life in your mind and He
> will do that.
Uh! That reminds me of a movie.."stolen bodies" or something - really creepy. Aliens taking over your mind and stuff.
> When Jesus has come you will notice that. You will get rid of all bad
> things like alcohol, drugs, immorality etc.
You don't have to tell ME that. Last year he came by, as I had just recieved a shipment of different dope from columbia. "Just staying for a few days", he said... He stayed until I was out of drugs, and I was $200.000 poorer and one pissed off columbian druglord richer.
> You will have peace in your mind and heart.
With all those drugs - I believe you...
> If you ask something from God in the name of Jesus, God will give it to
Sounds good that. God! In the name of Jesus! Something terrible happened! Could you help people all over the world, by removing Bush and insert a black, gay dude in his place?
> If you have worries or you are weak and so on ask help from Jesus in you
> mind. He will help you always. You will quickly start feeeling better and
> suddenly you feel yourself strong. Talk with Jesus in your mind and be
I'll tell that to my dog. He ate some leftover cookies, from when hare krishna came on a visit. He's still naucious and shits brown water.
> Jesus must be your lord. If you feel abandoned God is just testing you.
> God will always love you so never reject God.
Yes, I know. Not so long ago he loved my sister. She got twins. How do you get God to pay alimony?
>If you have bad thoughts in your mind those are from Satan and never obey
>Satan. Reject all bad in your mind and you will become stronger. Don't make
>resistance towards bad. When you hear or feel good, it's issued by God
>because He is good.
The really difficult thing here is what is good and what is bad. See, one day about twelve years ago God came to me in my sleep and said, "Hear me, son of Abraham! Hear me! Go into the world and be neked before my eyes and tell about me, my son, and my holy bible!". I did what he said, you know, and I really thought that people would listen to what I had to say. Afterall...I WAS on a mission from God... Instead people locked me up in a little padded cell, giving me all kinds of cool drugs all day long....
> You will get perfect rules how to live right from the Bible. From there
> you will find out what kind of life God and Jesus want's you to live.
I tried that one too. It was just after they let me out from the asylum. I read the bible, and being a good christian I saw that I had stone all prostitues to the death. Then the nice men came back and locked me up AGAIN! Can you believe it? I was just following the f... bible!
> Read at least the new testament through. Would you like to be a servant of
> God? Just be it.
Ha! Tried that too. Last time I service God, I had a pain in my ass for eight weeks. God is HUGE!
> Forgive always. Never condemn anyone. Give mercy!
I did forgive God for being a pain in the ass...
> My one and only intention is just help you.
Well, thank you!
> Jesus is my lord. Who is yours?
> I hope he's Jesus.
He's not! Does that mean we're not friends anymore?
> "The one who hears my words and believes in my sender, has gained eternal
> life. He won't be condemned, he has already moved from death into life." -
Yes, I reconize those words. I fell for them too at first. But then he refused paying for anything else, but is own dinner. Sweet talking mouth, but really cheap when it comes to money...
"May all beings be blessed with happiness..."
As noted above, www.censorware.net is also fltered, again for reasons unknown to me. Perhaps somebody at Yahoo! is a bit paranoid?
UPDATE 10-26-04 - www.eff.com no longer works.
P.S., 9/24/03 I have just found out that the student passwords cannot be changed at all. Apparently, some students got in trouble last year(don't ask me).
I just submitted this poll to the editors, but I don't think it will have a good chance of making it through. So just in case...
Should Slashdot editors have unlimited mod points?
3. CowboyNeil needs mod points!