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Journal: Mixed Emotions.

Journal by pravuil

It feels like I'm at the end of my wits sometimes. Every effort put things in their own allocated place but obligations get strained in order to fulfill those same obligations. As you might or might not know or even care for that matter, what I wish to achieve. The best ideal is to provide jobs for programmers. To do that I have to focus on my own efforts to build capital. I would prefer to do it within reason to keep my efforts pure from interests that could eventually undermine what I believe could be beneficial to those looking for real solutions. I would liken it to be beneficial to the consumer, small businesses, US interest, not to mention myself as well. I have a friend of mine that will work with me. It will help bring focus to what I'm trying to accomplish and it will provide solid feedback from a loyal source. That kind of loyalty is hard to find and I am very appreciative of the opportunity to brainstorm with him. I guess this blog entry can explain a little bit more. I like to ramble on a little too much for my taste but it's a good read regardless.

It's weird talking on the Internet with people that you don't know and have no real reason to trust. I would like to build trust with those willing to do the same. The future is an unwritten book but it would be nice to dig into whatever you can so some supposed good can be done. Good intentions aside, priorities and revelations of priorities undiscovered can be both scary and yet exciting at the same time. One way to find out was is realistic is to live to that greatest extent of what we are able to endure.

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Journal: Life is wonderful, isn't it. 4

Journal by pravuil
It really is, you know. Sad most people don't really take the time to appreciate while they still have it. It slips through their fingers and in the end they're left all alone with no one to blame but themselves. It's sad but we all have to move on you know. I guess some people never learn. It's a shame. Oh well, have fun. I know I will.
User Journal

Journal: God

Journal by pravuil
On this post I'm going to cover my perspective of what God is and why I have a desire to pursue such an interest. To prepare for this topic I have to state several opinions I have covering this subject. Number one, I would like to believe that God is not an entity but rather a force of nature or a logic weaving our reality. I would like to believe that God defines the physics of matter and God's consciousness is ingrained within the physics of the universe therefore defining God as existence by itself. I fear the reality of it is somewhat different. I fear that there is an entity acting as a hub of sorts between the actual physics of this existence and a method of accommodation to unforeseen events and actions based on individual responses. Sort of a method to allow a varied range of chaos to be interwoven towards realistic order. With my beliefs and fears stated I can venture towards other conditions concerning this subject. The topics covered will be in the following order: People's necessity for a higher order, people's need to associate a higher entity as an entity, the failure of logic pertaining to a higher entity, people's expectations for a higher entity, mis-perceptions of expectations from a higher entity, and an opinion towards the logic of divine expectation.

People are creatures that demand consistency especially when confronting diversity which they cannot placate. Desperation is an inherent trait when considering the right type of conditions are set. Desperation is not a good enough motive to demand divinity but it does establish a need to overcome towards better things. I can't say it leads to greater things because necessity doesn't demand more than what is needed at the time of desperation. Solutions demand resolve, they don't require details or unrealistic expectations. When an individual is unable to resolve a situation they either resort to external sources for resolve or accept and adapt to their despair to the best of their ability. Nor is this condition which develops into a need for a higher meaning. Typically, the desire for a higher meaning is a factor that leads to desperate circumstances. Higher meaning is a result which develops through competition and self-preservation. A typical but not necessarily the primary reason for a need for acceptance of a higher purpose is due to a master/slave relationship developed over the past several thousand years. Business have to face scrutiny from consumers, competition or governments. Individual's have to face scrutiny from their employers and peers. Within every system there are conditions put in place in order to meet expectations defined from any one source. Everyone is accounted for by someone else. Based on perceptions or extenuating circumstances, individuals will eventually find themselves in a position where there actions will be put through scrutiny in which they must validate reason and motive. By having the foundation and the standards of an individual questioned to which there is no excuse to prevent such an event, an individual can either question their situation or continue on without accepting that they have done something wrong. Without an individual's admission to guilt, society leans towards chaos through individual justice. With an admission to guilt, society can effectively allow individual's to take other people's conditions into consideration people they act upon instinct. When interpreting a sense of consideration within an individual they must resort to respecting an external source for validation of their actions. This is a gray area which develops towards establishing a system depending on higher meaning. Higher meaning doesn't necessarily involve a notion of God, but it does the same thing regardless of direction. Society has been conditioned that morality is directly related to spirituality or good will. While most aspire to greater things and make good examples most people are unable to do more than what they are able to do and so therefore rely on acceptance that there is an understanding outside of themselves which validates their existence. Vanity, in the sense that their life has significance, is the source for greater meaning.

For those that believe that divinity can come in the form of an entity is typically established through a need to preserve a sense of an individuals ability to connect to that source. In order for their to be a justification there must be a method to obtain that justification. Association is the quickest method for an individual to obtain knowledge. Without the proper means to communicate effectively one can easily misinterpret what external stimuli is attempting to relate back with. A definition of God is typically defined through the needs and experiences of the individual. The identity of an individual is in direct proportion to the perspective of what the individual believes God to be. If there is no need for greater meaning there is no need for self. There are variations to the rule but essentially works the same per basis. The necessity for an entity is for the satisfaction of coherence and resolve.

This leads me on to the next aspect of what God is. The failure of logic when attempting to understand what God is comes from our own limitations from our perspectives. Infinity is a subject that attempts to explain futility. When one rationalizes God, one perceives only within their own existence and has limited ability to reach beyond it. If we could dip ourselves into the well of infinity we would be able to cure all diseases overnight, save those that need help without lifting a figure forever and ever and so on. Progression is not an immediate thing, it's a process that exists in the now. We have limited ourselves to invention through progression. It is what we are and we cannot go outside the boundaries as of yet. For us infinity is not reality because it is outside of perceived order. This is the failure we are bound with when coming to terms with a greater extent of our own reality. We can accommodate for details but it's usually through speculation more than adamant fact. We truly don't know but yet physics allows limited tasks to be accommodated for in which we are able to create invention. The process of invention is more of an uncovering effort then it is a creation effort. If we are discovering logic through nature or a predefined existence of physics then who's to say that all matter has been ordered within a broader perspective through infinity. Thoughts, consciousness, life can all be brought down to the building blocks of everything. Unforeseen actions and events have already been defined through singularity so why should we see it as a surprise when they do occur? Actions are merely results, the results of the actions are only perceptions thus being another result in itself. Our perspective of God or higher meaning is limited and very narrow in the broader sense of the world. This is our failure in terms of believing that self value has any meaning at all. Our limitations preventing us from greater purpose are caused from reaction and consequence in which we perceive we endure. Self value has to endure through transition in order for it to redefine obtained knowledge. Therefore the value that we hold on to now has no more value than a lesson yet to be overcome. Life is limited in years but one day we can find a way for the body to recycle internal waste, develop cells without a lifespan, manipulate mitochondria for specific needs. What happens when life has no limitation? Will limitation blind us from occurrence or will we be able to allow new realities to exist within our reality?

When it comes to reality, we lay out certain expectations from the existence we immerse ourselves with. These demands typically bring conflict. People have a tendency to demand things from God expecting some result to occur in their favor. If we answer to God why should God answer to us? When perceiving God as an entity, people tend to believe in a sense of cronyism or favoritism. Ambivalent to external reality people set themselves up for failure based on their self defined and proven rationalizations. Expectations of divinity would only have to occur based on a greater intent outside of the individuals self gratification. While man has the capacity to overcome adversity from their hidden actions, the result of their efforts are recorded everywhere on a material basis. Even with an afterlife there will be individuals watching over every aspect of their life regardless or how embarrassing or despicable they might be. By nature, everything can be accounted for regardless of whether there is an afterlife or not. Existence is a product of result from predefined laws and restrictions. If we expect to lie to a recording device and later say to the same device that the lie never happened is ignorant. If instances of material structure can be recreated gathered from the entire model of chain reaction existent within the entire Universe and beyond, all you would have to do if click the rewind button to see what anyone has done. The need to do so would probably be from individual requests demanding justice. It seems ridiculous considering our limitations of technological ability but if there is a possibility to perceive a notion there is a way to emulate such an event to occur. The rationalization in which God is unable to read through every thought and action becomes insignificant. We can't manipulate a force stronger than our ability especially when we are results of that infinity. Actions don't necessarily justify our thoughts. We can lie, cheat and steal as long as there is an understanding for greater purpose. Sometimes things get political, it's about our survival in the long run. Justifications are only as good as the results leading to the thoughts you perceive. We make mistakes and we can accept the consequences. We learn from our mistakes and as long as we are honest with ourselves about what we do to ourselves and others then we won't have to make the same mistakes again. To expect anything else is ignorant.

I've covered how the perspective of divinity enters into our consciousness, association involving divination, limitation of perspective concerning divination, and ignorant perceptions of what divinity is supposed to do for us. The last part I'm going to cover is an opinion of mine created through my own limited understanding of what God is to me. While we expect so much from God does anybody strive to understand what God expects out of us? Is it to be free, childlike, innocent, happy, learning, is it just to be there? Is God alone or does God have the need to feel such things? Does God even care or even understand? What does God think of me? Who am I to God? Does God really want me to worship him or does God want me to do certain things and nothing more? Does God need anything from me at all? I'm using the first person for a reason when asking these questions. The answer to all the questions in my opinion is both yes and no. Even in terms of a higher purpose or greater scheme of things we are basically a component of the whole. Someone could always find a replacement but that would mean the natural order of things would have to be disregarded to accommodate a redefined necessity. It means that the reality that God created isn't real and there is no need for God's design. Opportunity can always exist but denial of such events just means that the natural order continues down the only path it has already known since the beginning. People being blind from their own existence never question any greater need and would prefer to find comfort in things that have no value in the grander scheme of things. There is so much more we can do and we don't care. We want to protect ourselves from the unknown never having enough confidence to believe we can overcome any limitation, any restriction, any obstacle within and without. If we are given the opportunity to exist why can't we exist beyond just existing? It sounds reckless from one perspective but isn't recklessness an obstacle we should have enough courage to confront and overcome? If God didn't have a need for us to exist we wouldn't. Everyone makes up this reality so what more purpose do we need to justify our value within it. Our experience is leading us towards something God has planned long before anyone could've imagined. Do we deny God when we realize the necessity of God's motive? Or do we respect it because it gave us an opportunity to exist in the first place. If God wanted slaves God would've created a bunch of drones with no emotions or questions that followed every single order without question even without a sense of loyalty. We aren't drones and there is nothing to fear. We fail because we have no greater need than that of our own fulfillment. When we remain oblivious to the world around us, all we end up doing is existing. What good is it when you fail yourself. I think God is cheering us on trying to believe that we can figure this out on our own. When we don't meet expectations of our own ability and understanding it hurts God more than it does us. How would a creator feel when his creation fails all the time? All God can do is feel disappointed because God would never turn away something God loves. We can exist for great things, why can't we believe that? It's not just for God that we should do this, it's for us as well. We are fully capable. That's the true value of life when we recognize life for what it is. We make mistakes and we were never perfect. That's easily forgiven when you finally accept for yourself that all that matters is you for the world we were all made for. Things change and you do have what you need to make the changes. Believe in what God believes in you and you can do it. You might not be anymore important than anyone else but that's because you are equally important whether you like it or not. It's sad that the poor and those that suffer don't feel it but God cheers for them more because God knows they don't hear it as much as all the others who never have to worry about dealing with that type of situation. Doesn't mean God isn't any less critical it just means that God understands.

We are the examples for a better tomorrow. We fail but we overcome because we can. Doesn't matter how far we might fall down we will always be able to overcome even amongst utter destruction. Reckless as it might seem but does the world's mistake really mean that much in the end other than that of being nothing more than a lesson? In the end what are we to expect from a higher purpose other then the opportunity to create one. Don't deny someone because you perceive them as demanding submission. It might be your perception screwing with you. You will confront adversity and it is your fault but understand that it only matters to people that don't care about anything other than themselves. We are all capable but only to what we are able to do. Figure it out, you can do that, just know what you're doing. Demand answers, they're there you just need to ask the right people. Be honest now to prevent mistakes from occurring later. Don't expect anything in return otherwise how will you ever have good surprises. It's better than having bad ones. Give what you know you can and don't compromise yourself or others. Bad things happen, we survive. Love might be a waste of time unless you're living it. Don't worry about God, worry about the right thing to do. God knows it, why don't you. If you were expecting a finite answer you going to have a hard time trying to figure out infinity for quite some time. Have faith, it's easier than not believing you know where you are.

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Journal: So it begins

Journal by pravuil

The reason I'm starting this journal is to provide some insight into my actions and my discussions. I've done some sort of journalizing before but for now I'd like to focus on a more practical approach than what I've been doing as of late. Usually I'm a pretty candid character. I have a tendency to state unwelcome opinions in most conversations. Some arguments resonate with people, some don't but that's the way it is in this world and I can accept that. I can't apologize for it nor should I defend it.

My time is limited and I don't have a lot of time to refute opinions against my commentary. That's one reason I only post a single comment within each thread. I go through as much world news as I can within an hour to make sure that the world hasn't ended without me knowing about it. I would like to try my best to defend any stance I might have but time sets limits on how much I position I can have on any argument. The way I look at it is that with each new story, with each new headline, we have a new opportunity to further define an argument based on current circumstances. To me the fight isn't waged in battles, it is waged in wars. Until there is some sort of peace or some sort of settlement then our job is far from over. People have lives to live and as much as conversation is important to enlighten our journey we have to remember that the journey itself is most important.

In the course of my journalizing, I've made several points abundantly clear for where I stand. I disagree with the current Republican philosophy. I believe that if this administration was serious about preserving our civil liberties then we would have caught Bin Laden and his known conspirators within the past five years to prevent such a gradual destruction to occur. I believe that using an ulterior agenda to adjust our full force towards Iraq created a spawning ground for terrorism. I believe that until we find these individuals there will be no chance for peace and will cause the US to eventually fade into obscurity. I don't mean to be an alarmist; I just feel that if we don't put a halt to their propaganda then someone will eventually come to aide their call. If the Bush administration fixed this problem outside of election time I would praise them. If this event would take place during election time I would snub them and praise the men and women of our country who truly give more than anyone would dare ask of them by serving in military service.

Outside of politics, I believe that the ownership of patents has created a maelstrom of unnecessary competition. Though I do believe that ownership is a right which should be preserved, I do believe that the majority of the people in this world have brought forth an overly saturated market in terms of ownership and litigation of that ownership. While it can be good for people within the middle class it is bad for corporations who perceive such events as a threat and make unnecessary demands throughout the market. While I might be critical of corporations, I do believe that they have their place. They provide thousands of jobs and spur innovation through their bulk of accumulated wealth. Without these repositories of wealth it would be hard within such a society to motivate individuals to invest in such innovation. In all, law is defined through business. Even though most businesses don't adhere to a democratic operation, they do adhere to a greater system embedded with a check and balance system in which the consumers must utilize to a reasonable extent. It is our duty as a citizen.

The last position concerns Linux and it's role within the world. I support Linux, I criticize Windows. In reality I still use Windows more than I do Linux. I will be lauded as a hypocrite for saying that but my position is in transition. I am slow when it comes to change. I have a tendency to be overly meticulous when it comes to functionality and the little details found in things. When I say I support Linux it's because I understand the limitations Windows has over Linux. I understand that price has created an influx of competition from struggling countries. I understand that Microsoft takes a stance which leans towards the business sector more than it does the consumer base. When I first saw an ad banner in an embedded Microsoft product on a default install, I realized how far gone this company has gone in terms of respecting user rights to ownership of a purchased product. Linux might not be perfect but it is modular and it focuses more on actual usage and security than it does on sorting through advertisements which can lead to serious security breaches. I also believe that Microsoft has stifled innovation by hurting the programming sector more than helping. Some innovations have been beneficial but the majority has slowed things down more than they have helped. Linux might be a lot of things dreamt up by idealists but the fact of the matter remains that it involves itself with discovery more so than any other OS on the market today.

The last leg of my spiel will ask who am I to have this opinion. Who is behind the shroud on anonymity? I'm really no one special. I'm just a guy that had a lot of downs and a couple of good ups every once in a while. I'm pretty much a self made man. Well, as much as I can say for now. I started programming when I was four years old on a TRS-80 and haven't stopped since. Even though most of the stuff I've learned throughout my life was through a lot of hard-knocks, I would have to say that I don't regret one single moment of this rough ride I call my life. I wish I can say that I was educated in a good college or any college for that matter. Instead, I guess I just have to put up with myself until the day I die. Saying this, I know there will be those that will say, "What gives him authority to have an opinion?" Maybe I'm being too critical by raising that question but if we ignore this and allow such short mindedness to continue, how will we ever grow? I might not be an authority over anything except my experience but I am human just as much as the next man. I have an inherent right to move, to see, to hear and to understand. I also have the right to perceive and misinterpret realities that surround us everyday just as much as anyone else. I have the right to live and the right to motivate and be motivated. I have the right to choose. I have the right stand by what I believe in is right and wrong. I have the right to make mistakes and learn from then. I have the right to correct those who I deem need to be corrected. I have the right to leave them be. I have the right to have faith in things I cannot control. I have a right and I have the right to use it. If we forget any one of these rights we hurt ourselves as a whole. No one man is God for God is the only thing that never changes. To believe that we do not change is to believe that no one person can share their existence with you. While there are good exceptions to stay clear of, one cannot allow themselves to do this with everyone over the entire stint of their lives. We adapt, we evolve, we survive and we overcome.

In conclusion, after sitting down and reading this long drawn out spiel, I hope you come to understand that regardless of your stance we are all here living out our own individual paths. While belief can be shrouded through both opinion and fact, belief defines who we are as individuals amongst it all. Identity can be elusive sometimes. I hope things get better. I hope for the best and regardless I will keep going forward.

"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history." -- George Bernard Shaw

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