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Journal: Christmas Shopping

Journal by pete19

I don't like Christmas.

I do like the idea of Christmas though. I'm not religious at all, but I like being at home for a while, seeing friends I've not seen in months and the like, but it annoys me that "Christmas" now seems to last from mid-September through to the beginning of Febuary.

Anyway, thought I should start some shopping today and as I cannot stand the crowds of people in the centre of town, I'm doing everything online this year. It's a good thing too, because while looking for something for my 6 year-old cousin, I think I just found the greatest toy review ever!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/toys/B00061I4U6/customer-reviews/ref%3Dlm_lb_1/203-2387465-3315122/

I find it very disturbing to see a toy made parodying an intergalactic mass murderer and war criminal who held the entire galaxy under the boot of the evil Empire. Prior to his redemption as Anakin Skywalker, Vader indiscriminately committed torture, oversaw the destruction of an entire planet and murdered officers under his command. What kind of message are we sending to children by making a toy celebrating this man's misdeeds? What's next - Adolf Eichmann, Pol Pot and Joseph Stalin Potato Heads?

So... That's her sorted then!

User Journal

Journal: My Nigerian Friend... 1

Journal by pete19

Been away for a few weeks, checked my universtiy email account when I got back and it turns out I've got a new friend in Nigeria. He's called Hamza (or Hanza, he didn't seem sure) and he works for the Federal Ministry of Petroleum and Mineral Resources. He seems nice...

Greetings from Hamza,
I bring to you my felicious greetings on this day as I wish you accept my mail which may seem unsolicited to you because we have never met, seen or been into a prior contact other than now. I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. This is what time can do.

I am an official in the Procurement Department at the Ministry of Petroleum and Mineral Resources, here in Nigeria. I obtained your email while searching for a reliable person, who could assist me in receiving transfer of a supposed contract awarded funds.

This fund came as a result of over estimated contract awarded sums executed by foreign contractors in the Petroleum Ministry. This fund has been approved for payment to the contractor by the concerned Ministry. The contracts had been executed and commissioned. What I am about to receive now, is the over estimated funds which the contractor whom I helped during the process of obtaining the contracts added to his estimation for my own interest. This is a normal deal that goes in my Ministry by top officials.

On MY part, all modalities shall be worked out in ensuring a smooth conclusion of the transfer to your account within the next few days. All I want from you is to receive this funds on my behalf, because as Government Official I cannot collect the funds directly from the contractor, neither I am allowed by Law to operate/ run foreign bank accounts. If you are trustworthy and can assist me in receiving the fund, do not hesitate to respond back to me immediately.

Please note that there is no risk involved in receiving the funds in your account for and it will be done through wire transfer. I wish you to state in percentage what you shall have for the use of your account. As soon as you indicate your interest, further details and the amount involved shall be given to you once I hear from you. Please, treat with utmost confidentiality.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Best regards,
Engr. Hanza Kayode

Federal Ministry of Petroleum
and Mineral Resources.
Tel: +234-803 6764988
Herbert Macaulay Way (South)
P.M.B. 225, Garki,
Abuja (Opp.Int'l. Conference Centre).

Oh crap... I wasn't meant to tell anyone about that! Looks like I'm not going to be assisting him in "receiving transfer of a supposed contract awarded funds"...

User Journal

Journal: Kicking Java's nuts... Drinking...

Journal by pete19

An interesting day today...

After being told that our end of year HCI assignment could be written in any language, we were told today (3 days before submission!) that it had to be written in Java!

I don't really mind Java so much, but having to port four weeks of work in C over to Java is a bit of a kick like getting a swift kick in the crotch!

Ah well, I'm almost done. Would probably go faster if I stopped reading slashdot for a bit...

Drinking...

I saw this in my local paper today.
T-SHIRTS DITCHED AFTER MIXED MESSAGE FEARS [thisisnorthscotland.co.uk].

Only in Aberdeen would we try to cut down on 'binge-drinking' by handing out t-shirts with "Mine's a double" printed on the front...

User Journal

Journal: I like monkeys...

Journal by pete19

Saw this posted in a comment earlier today, thought it was pretty funny. Tracked it back to FortKnox's journal, so credit to him for this :)

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys

User Journal

Journal: Elections... Voting... Same old bollocks...

Journal by pete19

So... I returned my Postal Ballot today. Been decided on how I was voting for a while now, so I've not paid a whole lot of attention to all the bollocks on TV, but it's good to think that I've already cast my vote and have no more reason to be involved in the lies and statistics.

This is the BBC analysis of my constituency. It's currently held by the Liberal Democrats who are, as they would say, the real alternative.

I don't agree with fully with any political party, but I agree with the Lib Dems on the three main issues in my mind.
They are:

  • opposition to student "top-up" fees (which Blair's Labour government made a manifesto promise not to introduce)
  • the war in Iraq, and...
  • the introduction of (possibly biometric) identity cards

I really doubt it'll make any difference, but I don't want Howard's Conservative party in power, and I certainly don't want another 5 years of Tony Blair! Oh well, whatever happens on Thursday, I'll probably be disappointed Friday morning... as usual...

User Journal

Journal: First Post (Of sorts...)

Journal by pete19
Wow, first post! Not much going on really, just testing how this all works. I'm not really much of a journal person, so this could well be the only post for a while.

Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!

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