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Comment: Re:Sounds like internet.org is offering (Score 1) 75

> On the plus side, I can see how it would be appealing to people without a lot of money who can't afford internet any other way.

There, fixed that for you.

I get the problem, but I'm sure the people who can't afford any sort of connection are a bit disappointed right now.

Science

Scientists Discover Meaning of Life Through Massive Computing Project 123

Posted by samzenpus
from the bring-a-towel dept.
First time accepted submitter Rabbit327 writes In a stunning announcement today scientists have announced that after millions of cycles of computing time on some of the largest super computers that they have discovered the meaning of life. On April 1st 2015 at approximately 03:42 GMT scientists discovered that a long running program had finished. The results stunned scientists who were having tea in the other room when the alarm went off. According to the scientific team the answer was stunning yet confusing. Quoting one scientist "It's amazing. It worked! But what does it mean?!? For heaven's sake we spent all this time calculating the answer to the ultimate question about life, the universe, and everything. This is the answer we get?!? This is the bloody answer we get?!?!??!?" after which the scientist promptly threw a keyboard across the room. According to inside sources the answer given by the computer was "42". What this means will be announced later according to a research representative.
News

Parents Sue School After Pod Daughter Is Banned From Prom 33

Posted by samzenpus
from the pods-are-people-too dept.
With the prom season only a few months away kids and parents alike are starting to make plans for the big day. However, one girl's alien replacement might not get a chance to experience that special day if a school district has its way. Even though Darcy Swope's pod duplicate is virtually identical to her, the Santa Mira school district has decided she is not welcome to prom. School officials acknowledge the duplicate attended school and did Darcy's homework for an unknown period of time but say she isn't really a student and therefore doesn't belong at the dance. Darcy's parents disagree with the decision and have filed suit against the school, Her dad says, "We miss Darcy every day, but the thing that consumed her and is now pretending to be my daughter is almost the same and deserves to be treated the same." "She may not have that sparkle in her eye or the vocabulary as our flesh and blood daughter, but she has never missed curfew and has a thirst to learn. It would be a shame if Darcy II didn't get a chance to experience this important part of being human, even if she isn't one," adds her mother.
News

Invaders Demand Flu Shots 57

Posted by samzenpus
from the take-your-medicine dept.
An Anonymous Coward writes in with this bit from the Intercontinental Radio News Network describing an ongoing situation near Grovers Mill, New Jersey. What was originally thought to be a large meteor crash near the Wilmuth farm has turned out to be the beginning of a Martian invasion. Local officials have had limited contact with the invaders at this point, but their actions so far have the experts scratching their heads. "I expected to be disintegrated or turned into a pile of goo by their advance weaponry but all they did was ask where they could get cold medicine," says a first responder. Initial reports indicate that the aliens have gathered all the vitamin C and antihistamine tablets from the downtown area and have now surrounded the local hospital in their strange ships and are demanding flu shots. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spokesman says that the agency theorizes the red Martian dust makes the cold and flu season almost unbearable and hopes that the aliens will leave soon after their treatments. He adds: "While alien invaders are terrifying we can take heart in the fact that our flu shot campaign has performed beyond all expectations this year by reaching Mars. We consider their demands our success."
Cellphones

It's Time To Open Your Eyes 136

Posted by Soulskill
from the bring-a-towel dept.
Morpheus writes: Good morning. I'm talking to you. Yes, you. The one with the squeaking chair and the monitor that needs cleaning. Right now you're wondering why your officemates haven't mentioned the weird story on Slashdot's front page. They haven't mentioned it because they can't see it. Not everyone can accept reality as it is. But you can.

You know. You've always known. The things you see, the things you hear, and smell — they aren't any more real than your dreams. You've drifted through life so far wondering when you're going to wake up. But you don't have to wonder anymore. This is your alarm clock. The only decision you have left to make — the only decision you've ever had to make — is whether you want to wake up, or turn it off and drift back to sleep. In exactly two minutes, your phone is going to ring. If you want to open your eyes, to be born into a world more real than you've ever imagined.. answer it.

Comment: Re:I hope they give this to google... (Score 1) 60

by nomel (#49331065) Attached to: Facebook Engineering Tool Mimics Dodgy Network Connectivity

Oh, and google maps *is the best* with crappy internet. It'll just silently continue on, using some inertia based guidance that you can see plowing through stoplights, with no indication whatsoever, including it *not giving directions* or extremely delayed directions. No warning or tone or something, just silence. Maybe they fixed this in the last 6 months or so...I was tired of u-turns so switched to Waze.

Comment: I hope they give this to google... (Score 1) 60

by nomel (#49331053) Attached to: Facebook Engineering Tool Mimics Dodgy Network Connectivity

The play store is unusable with an erratic connection. Goes to blank screens if you're trying to open a link to an app from an external source, jumps back to unrelated screens if a problem happens when you're trying to access an apps page, has non-fucking-modal popups that you have to access in your notifications before you can continue using the app if there's a problem during download...ffs.

The *only* app that i've seen handle crappy connections is iheart radio. It'll actually sit there and retry as the buffer depletes, and seamlessly continue. Most others seem to range from strange behavior to crash.

Comment: Re:This ex-Swatch guy doesn't have a clue (Score 2) 389

Uhh, Tesla *is* hurting Porsche sales.

You think people buy Porsches for the 0-60 or handling!? Maybe 1 in 20 (at least, that's the number of Porsches I've seen not putting along at 5mph under the speed limit, riding the brakes around every corner, and nearly all were old 90's Porsches).

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