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Comment im glad you asked, slashdot. (Score 1) 598

I know we all have our desires and hopes of winning the lottery, but for us slashdotters im sure there are a few indelible things we would absolutely need to do. Ive compiled a list i think best represents the community.

1. replace inefficient and wasteful toilet paper with stack of cash. replace glade plug-in with more appropriate bathroom salvadorian priest to burn myrrh when needed.
2. finally repair faulty kitchen sink with tap that, instead of dispensing Jolt cola as intended, unfortunately just dispenses cold water.
3. finally upgrade from Gentoo on X64 to the intended platform, Gentoo on D-Wave quantum annealer.
4. Notify the zoning board that you will finally come 'up to code' and install the helipad that was intended for the roof alongside the infinity pool that used to be the neighbours back yard.
5. repair the broken outdoor grill with the fully staffed Brazillian churrascaria you'd been meaning to install.
6. kick the disgusting habit of waking up every morning, getting in a car, and driving to work.

Comment having their cake and eating it too (Score 1) 110

the difference between financial donors and tech donors to the political ecosystem in america in this foul year of our lord 2015 is that techs social goals are directly opposed by the candidates theyre greas--er, funding. Funding Rubio, which would arguably mean less intense scrutiny on offshore tax havens and lack of taxation in general, would mean accepting the rest of the Rubio package as well. It would mean tech firms would have to swallow things like increased warrantless wiretapping and blanket surveillance, which most oppose on the grounds of a free internet and tacitly customer trust. It means tech firms are backing a pony thats anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti-evolution and increasingly implicated as bigoted and racist.

Backing a republican is understandable...but risky in this day and age. This is a political party that has shut down the US Government twice. Theyve spent two years passing meaningless legislation like affirming 'in god we trust' on the dollar and shit-talking multinational foreign treaties like the iran nuclear agreement in favour of 20 more years of brinkmanship. the Republican party has avoided critical issues like immigration, climate change, the federal highway trust, renewable energy, and unemployment. For every major mass shooting in america in the past 8 years, they have remained unaccountable and in sterling opposition to even the most basic firearm legislation. And when gay marriage was legislatively made law, they simply avoided the subject entirely, and attempted to legalize discrimination at the state level instead.

Comment Because its not just a NASA facility (Score 4, Interesting) 59

The facility was originally constructed in 1940 at the village of Michoud, Louisiana on behalf of the United States government for the war production during World War II. The site was a production site for the Korean war as well as the bulk of the US space race. the US Army Corps of Engineers knew exactly what they were about when evaluating it from a strategic perspective. This thing was a big chunk of the US space race (a wholly owned subsidiary of the cold war.) during Katrina, so it wasnt your average office park. most importantly, facility ride-out crews pumped more than one billion gallons of water out of the facility because that was what it was designed to withstand. They actually won an Exceptional Bravery medal from NASA for this.

New Orleans on the other hand was crumpled like a beer can under the might of Katrina, and smelted in the incompetent furnace that was the Bush administration. the new levy cost us 14 billion dollars. or coincidentally, almost 1 year of NASA budget.

Comment brinksmanship. (Score 4, Interesting) 180

industries that cater to law enforcement are playing a rather dangerous game. in this case a politician was greased to allow this technology through, seemingly with very little regulatory oversight. The politician has nothing to lose thanks to constituents who dont question lock-step tough on crime policies. The industry, in turn, fully expects lucrative future contracts from a proving ground/municipality it can exploit in the future in advertisement and case study. But what does it mean for crime?

these drones will be seen as a threat to personal freedoms and liberty interpreted by the constitution and beaten like a dead horse every other year by politicians. fugitives knowing these systems are in place will trade up their knives and pistols for shotguns, just as we do in Half Life 2 when the hacks approach. determined futitives will don chemical protection and equip their clothing in makeshift faraday decor to defeat these drones. it cannot be stressed enough that drones do not contribute to the de-escalation ethos of law enforcement. However, far more effective strategies are also far more likely to be viewed as 'soft on crime.' De-escalation in practice gets police chiefs fired and politicians run out on a rail, whereas we championed madness like 3 strikes and mandatory minimums for 25 years before wondering why we led the world in citizens incarcerated. Drones will beget more powerful weapons, which in turn will beget more lethal drones, and so the knot will tighten until police are dealing with 3d printed swarms of gun toting quadrocopters that respond from anonymous command by Tor node to riddle a target with rounds from similarly 3d printed mounted firearms.

Comment stifling? hardly. (Score 1) 95

The actualization of a tribes core concepts isnt synergizeable without touchstone verbage or as you call it "buzz words." For example, just last fiscal i was strategizing with a subject matter expect to disintermediate out-of-the-box solutions through our learning teams. She actualized that clicks-and-mortar partnerships should streamline frictionless functionalities toward the change agent, and I maintained mesh magnetic communities would then incentivize real-time niches for the students or as we know them, learning partners.

its all very simple really and at the end of the day, the "student" comes first when taking classes like Bird-Dog 2.0 convergence of the disintermediate intuitive web-readiness burning platform.

Comment generally good idea. (Score -1, Troll) 236

as a member of the law enforcement community id like to offer my suggestion: whenever. If i get up on a tuesday and my dogs crapped the kitchen floor, Im late to roll call, and I spill coffee down my trousers, I'd like the option of an impromptu game of demolition derby.

It may sound unfair, but try to consider it from my perspective. If you dont let me do whatever I want, I will probably beat you senseless in the name of some arcane law that hasnt been enforced since the Taft administration. Wouldnt it be much better if i could blow off a bit of steam after watching some overweight pensioner buy up the last cream donut at my favourite bakery with a nice game of Mario Kart along a downtown freeway?

Comment this comes as no surprise. (Score 3, Funny) 52

As a researcher whos grant money is majority funded by federal dollars, I can assure you we face much more stringent requirements in the lab than the private sector. At the end of the day we're in charge of switching off lights, computers, machinery--basically everything. For about 10 years now our benefactors have decided thats not enough, and have insisted we start switching off things like the mitochondria lest it waste energy. Switching off things like centrifugal force, strong and weak forces, and even electromagnetism (where applicable) has saved many countless grant dollars. So when we're researching cancer, its only logical we'd switch that off at the end of the day as well.

In fact, ill let you in on a little secret. The heat death of the universe is billions of years away not because of some natural phenomenon, but because the research into the expansion of the universe is constrained by a mandate to make sure we put up all the timespace in the locked cabinet near doris' office at the end of the day.

Comment how the investment takes place (Score 1) 46

Colleges: tell our investors to buy stocks in this technology. we might be able to fire a few more adjunct faculty members and finally rid the cafeteria of the last remaining actual food product to be derived from real animal or vegetable.

Investors: tell the undergraduate money factory we bought those stocks they wanted.

Comment this is old hat. (Score 4, Funny) 48

I'm an engineer for Wayne Enterprises and I can assure you we've had this technology for 7 years available to purchase by military and defense agencies. Its only ever been used twice though, once for system testing and another time by Lucius Fox, one of our business section managers who said he was demoing it for a bat sanctuary or something.

Comment an overview of the dash button for geeks. (Score 5, Funny) 258

For the uninitiated, the dash button is an electronic wireless device branded with the logo or namesake of your favourite brand or product. Pushing the button automatically incurs an order for the product and should you be sufficiently removed from the understanding of how this technology works, you'd be inclined to insist its nothing short of magic. It isnt. As a geek, you must understand this technology is a powerful and its opportunities are many. For example:
1. Reprogramming. What if the tide button closed the garage door? opened the trunk? set off the neighbours sprinklers or fired up the coffee maker? Amazon is offering for a discount the opportunity to break out that sweet oscilloscope and crack away at some assembler. Its a discount wireless device that can actuate a solenoid and pour cottage cheese on the cat at the press of a button
2. relocation. Place the device in more suitable areas. What if every time your neighbour sat down on the couch they inadvertantly ordered a 12 pack of bleach? how about whenever the dog bolts through the doggie door your inlaws end up ordering a 24 pack of disposable diapers? The potential is endless and the power is great. you control who gets two crates of macaroni and cheese, how often, and even when.

Comment a timeline for those new to the neighbourhood (Score 5, Funny) 152

1991: Linux torvalds pulls a fresh cup of coffee off the pot and announces hes got an idea. Little does he know this idea will mean 24 years of shepherding a child through a forest of shady characters from Hans Reiser to Leonart Pottering.
1992: not even a year old and Linux is caught messing around with windows despite very specific instructions to practice her POSIX. she gets good at CIFS, confusing most of the parents around her and once she starts pretending to be a domain controller at the Active Directory dance its gloves off for the Microsoft PTA.
1998: Linux finishes her ALSA class and in 2 years starts singing the chart-toppers in mp3 format, much to the dismay of the RIAA.
2010: in a rebellious phase, Linux stops doing one thing and doing it well and starts hanging out with SystemD, who convinces her she can do anything all the time so long as hes in charge.
2011: Weird emo/goth/Gnome3 phase means Linux wears a lot more bling than she used to...Parents of Unix long since departed now sigh and stare at the shelf where the pictures of little Linux dressed in Bash rest alongside her achievement for learning computational fluid thermodynamics and wonder where they went so wrong.
2015: at 24 Linux flies planes handles social media, and directs traffic. She knows windows inside and out, and can hang out with everyone from stuffy government types to the art crowd. She composes music, builds cars, and even folds proteins when shes bored. Old man Torvalds still shows up from time to time to remind parents not to be lazy, friends not to be greedy, and people not to expect him to be around for every little thing Linux may or may not choose to do.

Happy 24th, Linux.

HOLY MACRO!

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