The independence war series is very interesting for more "reality" in the space battles. And a lot of fun to play.
I spent quite a few hours on I-War, Defiance, and Edge of Chaos, and they certianly take some training to get good at. Before those there was only the old amiga game "Warhead".
Of course I also enjoy Descent, Freespace, Tie Fighter, etc. But more for the general feeling or dogfighting, not very "realistic", just fun game systems. Even EVE is a lot of fun to play, but it has nothing to do with space battle. It is just EVE battle, i.e. coordination, logistics, social management, etc.
Is this something like what you are looking for?
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