I wanted to find a nice middle ground between lovers who like to send affection to one another on Valentine's Day and cynics who just want to dress in black and stab bitches, so a few years ago I started a charity at Swarthmore College called NinjaGram. It's pretty simple. You pay us $3, which goes to some charity or other, and fill out a card with a cute logo, and then shadowy assassins stalk your target on 14 February and surprise them with the card when they least expect it, screaming "NIIIIINJAGRAM!" Classes and events get interrupted a lot on Valentine's Day, but the administrators and faculty and public safety officers buy and receive as many as the students do, and besides who wants to argue with ninjas?
This Valentine's Day, black is the new pink.