I know, you're probably thinking "Gee, Red, that's an uncreative troll..." - but hear me out, and learn that instead of trolling I'm venting some deep disappointment.
Never mind the fact that after picking the game up yesterday morning, the Battle.net servers were down for several hours - while (in my not so humble opinion) it's completely stupid to require an internet connection for a single player game, I get it - they want to stop piracy - but seriously - launch day was a disaster, and Blizzard should be ashamed of themselves.
The game itself, graphically, looks like Warcraft 3 with a slightly higher polygon count. Warcraft 3 was released in June, 2002. So yes, 10 years later and the graphics are marginally improved.
However, I'm an old school gamer - there comes a point where graphics are "good enough" and that's honestly where the graphics in Diablo 3 are - they're good enough.
The art direction, on the other hand, is pathetic.
Think back of the days when you first played Diablo, and entered the Tristram Cathedral the first time. Or, for those of you who have barely hit puberty, Diablo 2 and the Rogue's Monastery - and remember (or go play them to remind yourself) how dark and dank the dungeons were?
In Diablo 3, they look like a cheesy haunted house. The lighting effects look like they propped up from Halloween decorations, bought enough black lights to discover all the hidden semen stains, and invited their goth / emo friends and hipster douchbags over for an ironic rave party.
It's not the slightest bit creepy. Hell, Kindergarten age kids see this and say "Wow, that looks lame. I've seen episodes of Max and Ruby scarier than this shit."
And the storyline thus far.... yawn. It's essentially a retelling of the first game so far, after a (spoiler) fallen star hits Tristram Cathedral and wakes the dead. Oh, I get to fight the Butcher again? King Leoric again?
In Act 2, do I get to fight Belial in Tal Rasha's tomb again? Can I please endure something as annoying as the Flayer Jungle again with all those little bastards and their stupid little blowguns?
If so, why didn't I just fire up Diablo and Diablo 2 and play through them again? At least those games won't quit on me if Battle.Net goes down.
What an utter, complete letdown this game is. It could have, and should have, been so much more.